New Relationship advice

Gloomendoom

There is a school of thought that, as far as sex is concerned, people fall into two camps: one high desire and one low desire.

There is book on the topic which gives some useful strategies for overcoming the apparent incompatibility but I can't for the life of me remember what it is called. I haven't read it but my wife has and I can thoroughly recommend it.

Ozzuk

victory wrote: »

So how do you define ' head over heels' is it when you get everything on your terms, or when you have endless sex? 100% devoted attention just to you?

You agreed slow, seem happy with slow, are going along nicely but need to question it, why?

I guess I meant I'm not letting myself fall because she's already pointed out from my past I have a tendency to do that.

And I am mostly happy, but I didn't know if this was a big issue, or nothing, or even worth discussing with her hence me sounding off on you guys I'm not some orge demanding sex or I'll leave her, I'm just not used to this and want to just talk to some faceless internet people for advice and views. Friends are biased, you lot aren't and don't pull punches

Gloomendoom

I'm not sure that I would describe 60-70 times in three months as "endless sex," although it might a bit much to expect from someone with a stressful job and young children.

victory

Ozzuk wrote: »

I guess I meant I'm not letting myself fall because she's already pointed out from my past I have a tendency to do that.

And I am mostly happy, but I didn't know if this was a big issue, or nothing, or even worth discussing with her hence me sounding off on you guys I'm not some orge demanding sex or I'll leave her, I'm just not used to this and want to just talk to some faceless internet people for advice and views. Friends are biased, you lot aren't and don't pull punches

No of course not. Is it fear of being rejected then? You are both not on the same emotional page? Would you be devastated if she just saw you as a friend rather than a lifelong partner? Would you just move on?

Ozzuk

Just to be clear, I don't have any real expectations and I ask very little of her (perhaps that in itself is an issue). But as time goes on, its niggling me a bit. I know a part of me wants the fairytale, but life has shown me fairytales are often just that, stories we tell ourselves.

I think I do have a fear of rejection. Last year was really bad for me and my life is now vastly different from how it was and life plans have changed completely. Hence I'm okay with slow, but I'm getting attached to the kids and family - the kids are awesome. I'm worried about getting too attached (and them to me) if their mum and I have a fundamental difference in needs. And she is so hard to read.

I know... I need to talk to her, I just want to do it in a way that doesn't pressure her. Thanks though, this is helping me think clearer.

BitterAndTwisted

Blimey, there's nothing like having a toddler and a teenager in the house to put a crimp on spontaneous desire. Just one of those would do it, but both? You're lucky it's been three times in three months!

Ozzuk

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Blimey, there's nothing like having a toddler and a teenager in the house to put a crimp on spontaneous desire. Just one of those would do it, but both? You're lucky it's been three times in three months!

Lol yes, I fully appreciate that. But her ex has the kids on a few nights. Perhaps she's just not that into me

I do like this girl, and I can be awesome at overthinking, hence the sounding off on here.

egoode

Are you sure she is completely over her marriage? It seems you met her only 3-4 months after she left him and you've only been together for 3 months so it's still quite recent and I'm guessing she hasn't actually gotten divorced yet as these things do take time.

I personally would be more concerned she's using this relationship to try and convince herself she's moved on from her marriage when in reality she's probably not even started to sort through her emotions about her marriage being over.

aileth

60-70 times in three months sounds like a nightmare to me, even at the start of a relationship, and I don't even have kids.

Cut the lady some slack!

NYGiants

Ozzuk wrote: »

I'm great at giving advice..

So, married twice..

I'm not sure you're the best person to be offering advice; especially after 2 failed marriages behind you..