New Relationship advice

Ozzuk

Cottage_Economy wrote: »

After three months of dating and sleeping together, albeit infrequently, she still doesn't want the two of you to be officially BF and GF then I'm not sure I'd still be invested in that relationship.

If this was a man, we'd all be saying "he's just not that into you. Have the talk and if necessary move on."

Because it is a women with a child, we're saying "don't worry, she's tired. You can't expect the rabbit stage with a single mum."

I think you can and that it is doing a disservice to single mums to think they're too tired to feel those saucy flushes in a new relationship. When the spark is there, the spark is there.

They may be more than meets the eye, but you have to have The Talk to find out.

Do the two of you have 'make out' sessions or are they few and far between too?

This. My friends are saying move on, hence me hoping for less biased advice. She says she really likes me, and says its obvious because she wouldn't let me near her kids otherwise. And yes we do have 'make out' sessions. So, I can't just walk away because I want to see if it can progress.

Ozzuk

The_Hurricane wrote: »

Interested in making things work, you just want someone to lay 5 times per week - lucky girl.

Its like you can see into my mind, this is exactly it.



I probably shouldn't rise to it (no pun intended).

lostinrates

Ozzuk wrote: »

This. My friends are saying move on, hence me hoping for less biased advice. She says she really likes me, and says its obvious because she wouldn't let me near her kids otherwise. And yes we do have 'make out' sessions. So, I can't just walk away because I want to see if it can progress.

Your friends ? Us?

Only one person can really tell you what's going on. I wouldn't have liked to be the subject of conversation in the social circle I might become part of in the future without it being discussed with me.

trollopscarletwoman

aileth wrote: »

60-70 times in three months sounds like a nightmare

Sounds like heaven to me.

Wasen't that an eighties song!

Ozzuk

lostinrates wrote: »

Your friends ? Us?

Only one person can really tell you what's going on. I wouldn't have liked to be the subject of conversation in the social circle I might become part of in the future without it being discussed with me.

Actually only one friend I've discussed this with, my best, who's female and we tell each other most things.

And no Hurricane, I'm not sleeping with this friend.

I guess its everyone's right to judge and speculate and a penalty for posting on a forum. I do however totally agree only one person can tell me whats going on.

FBaby

You haven't said much about the circumstances. Firstly how quickly was the first time? Was it a case of the three times taking place in the first two weeks and then nothing, the other way around, or it is a case of once a month?

How do you approach it? Do you show your intentions and she pushes you away, or are you waiting for warning signs that you can make your move? She might still be shy and expect you to make your intentions clear.

Being tired, is it a case that she is always in bed by 9pm and complaining of being tired, or is she full of beans but suddenly becomes tired when you start becoming intimate?

As a general rule, I do find it odd. I was a single mum of two kids under 10 working full time in a demanding job and yes, was tired all the time, but I certainly found plenty of energy when i first dated my now husband. However, there could be many reasons as to why it hasn't happened with her.

Cottage_Economy

Ozzuk wrote: »

This. My friends are saying move on, hence me hoping for less biased advice. She says she really likes me, and says its obvious because she wouldn't let me near her kids otherwise. And yes we do have 'make out' sessions. So, I can't just walk away because I want to see if it can progress.

I don't think letting someone near your kids is a sign you really like someone in an obvious romantic way. Friendly yes. Trusting probably yes. Romantic no.

Wanting to stick her hand down the front of your trousers when the kids are out of sight is 'liking' you romantically. Hot and heavy make out sessions are a sign of someone really liking you.

I wonder if she's concerned her little ones will tell their father if you become an obvious item. Maybe she thinks he might kick up a stink about you or something and make her life difficult?

By all means pursue this to see where it leads, but have a cut off date when you've had enough. Otherwise you'll end up like Sergeant Wilson on Dad's Army - always known as 'just Mother's friend' to Pike but having a relationship in secret with her.

(Sorry for the weird example, just watching an episode at the moment and it sprang to mind)

System

trollopscarletwoman wrote: »

Sounds like heaven to me.

Wasen't that an eighties song!

I have a pretty high sex drive and not sure I could manage that much! Twice a month is what I make do with :eek:

Part of me thinks she wouldn't have introduced you to the kids if she didn't see you as bf and gf but the fact she doesn't seem to see you that way would be making me think about how she really felt. Obv having a toddler and teenage would probably make anyone tired but there is usually the honeymoon period..

shegirl

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I have a pretty high sex drive and not sure I could manage that much! Twice a month is what I make do with :eek:

Part of me thinks she wouldn't have introduced you to the kids if she didn't see you as bf and gf but the fact she doesn't seem to see you that way would be making me think about how she really felt. Obv having a toddler and teenage would probably make anyone tired but there is usually the honeymoon period..

I don't sleep much due to having to care for severely autistic ds all day on my own but you bet I'd be up for it constantly if I was with a guy I really liked!!

That energy just appears imo

wapow

Do you find Ozz, that in your past relationships, you've always found something wrong, something soo niggly that you had to end it? Be honest with yourself and with us if you can.

Can man be friends with woman without atleast one of them feeling something for the other? Food for thought.

How much advice have you taken from this female friend which you've applied to your life?

You wont be able to move past sex. The desire for sex is stronger than your desire to explore the deeper feelings of a relationship. Therefore, if you're not satisfied now or are questioning yourself, then eventually you will break up a year later than you should have or betray the trust in an otherwise trusting lady.

I haven't read all the pages, just your post and a couple of your messages on this page.

My suggestion -

Plan the 2nd weekend and the 4th weekend coming, for just the two of you. You will need to arrange having her kids looked after by someone and you need to arrange taking her somewhere so only the two of you are alone and her kids are safe and sound elsewhere. Give her that peace of mind and take her away.

The 2nd weekend you want to spend quality time. Make it about her. Do most things she wants to do and enjoy them with her. Do not try to make sex or push for intimacy. Let it flow. This weekend is to chill out and spend some time together out and about. Even if she may be willing to give her self to you, just say no. Think you can do that? Do you have it in you to turn it down when its being offered to you? If you can do this you might even make her feel even better about you. Do not reject her or her advances, but don't make it about sex. make it about her.

The 4th weekend you want to be out again and if it means indoors doing something or outdoors it doesn't matter but be yourself and enjoy yourself. If all goes well let the intimacy flow and see how it goes. Chances are she will be a lot more receptive to you both in and out of bed.

There are a lot of factors that she may not be what you made her out to be. She can be, but she may not have reached that stage yet. It takes time to understand this and work with it.