Elderly Relative falling victim to Scrounger, Maybe.

betsie

Hi Glitch, I would wait till you find out about the mystery debits on her bank account, you may need to get the police involved then.
I know of several instances where old people have been taken for a ride by people they and their relatives trusted.
A friends parents lived overseas in a small village (had lived there all their lives) local women cleaned and sorted out medicines etc (paid daily) and the local cabbie delivered groceries. This had been going on for a few years. During one visit from my friend (went 3 times a yr) there was a problem with a bank payment which led to him finding out how these people had abused his parents trust. The lady had been getting out the weekly pension but had opened up a second postoffice account (in her name) and paid all the annual increases (for several years) into it (the post office man was in on it as well). The local cabbie was buying his own shopping on their weekly shopping bill which was costing them a fortune.
All these people had lived in the village for years and knew the family. They had stolen £000's of pounds.
Just because she is a church goer doesn't make her trust worthy, maybe she goes to church to befriend lonely, old, vunerable people she can con. She may be doing this to other people as well.

wapow

You need to understand that people like this exist. This "friend" wont be the only person.People exist in all cultures and countries.


You need to consider a few things -


a. An old person who is lonely may put up with such things because the old persons family do not pay her any mind.


b. There are many old persons like this. They are lonely for many years and cannot turn to family.


c. When the family finally do come around (albeit late into their age) obviously the old persons may now feel some comfort in family paying attention and then all the misdeeds come out.


d. All old persons do not have family come to the rescue.


e. Old persons are not all stupid. Many of them are sane of mind and put up with these so called "friends" because they have no one else.


Should you report these people? Most certainly.
What is the flipside?


She cleaned up and helped out, paid or not. If a family are aware that an elderly person may need caring for then this care should have been arranged years ago.

elsien

Glitch wrote: »

Auntie (later, up in her room) was complaining "Didn't think I'd ever need a Zimmer frame.... Can't do anything by myself now.... Haven't been out since yesterday when [her sister] came and took me out to a tea room..."

Easily the oldest resident, Auntie has much higher expectations of what makes an interesting day than any of the other residents..

Par for the course in some places unfortunately. My grandmother was in a home where (despite my many complaints to them and CQC) there were never any external activities, even for those ready, willing and able to get out with a bit of support. And the in-house activities were half a day once a week. How some homes get away with it, I really don't know. However you can raise activities with the manager, as it is definitely something they should be doing.

Glitch wrote: »

I'd like to raise my concerns about "Friend" to someone. Who? Social Services? Age Concern? - she has other "Clients" and I think someone should know about this.

Your county council/social services safeguarding team contact details should be on their website, or you can phone and ask to speak to the social services duty officer. However on the little information you have so far, the chances of much happening are quite small, unless someone else has already flagged the issue. That doesn't mean don't do it. Just don't expect a sudden surge of activity.

tooldle

Wait and see what the bank have to say.
My mum is in a care home and I limit the amount of cash I give her. I do this because firstly all her immediate needs are covered by the fees and secondly because she hides cash and then forgets about it. Mum has dementia, but the problem with appearing to get through large amounts of cash was one of the first really obvious signs. Up until then she had managed to hide the problem fairly well.

irishjohn

Glitch wrote: »

Gosh! That's full of assumptions.

She was told by the council it was sheltered accommodation when they moved her out of her three bed council house in her early 90s to something more appropriate.It was a complex of small flats for independent living with a shared social room and a live-in warden. The council cut costs by making this a non-resident warden, then an occasional warden. Eventually the only council presence was the gardener.

Unfortunately along with lots of other services the nature of sheltered housing has changed because the country cannot afford as much as previously. Most sheltered dwellings no longer have resident wardens, but do have emergency cords and systems for a care line to communicate with the residents, not ideal but a compromise. This is about the best level of sheltered housing we can expect in the current economic climate.

We visited most weeks since she moved in but this dropped to about once a month in the last two years as mum and day both became ill and died (last month). Closer relatives continued to visit most days.

I apologise for mis-interpretation - you said you had not visited much in recent years and along with your suggestion that the housing was not sheltered, I presumed that meant you had not visited her in this accommodation,we all make assumptions based on the degree of information we have and often as you have found our assumptions turn out to be wrong. It is a steep learning curve when a relative needs to move into sheltered housing and then a care home to get to grips with what is and is not provided.


Yes - I would agree with all that.

Personal care and cleaning was always going to be an extra. So it seems she organised it herself. We assumed this woman who came in was send by (and invoiced by) the council, and so would be insured and CRB checked.



Nothing at all.

But when she told a cousin that she had already given us all £2000 alarm bells rang. Because she hadn't.

Again I apologise - I had mis-read this in the original message

Cousin contacted the bank and was told that they could tell her nothing. The bank did suggest she took Auntie there for a "financial review" - which she did - and between cousin and bank manager they identified some suspicious debits. Auntie has paid the bank a fee to have these traced. I don't know how hard that will be.



You seem to be contradicting yourself a little there.

I don't think so - I regret that my siblings cannot find much time in their lives for their mum's care but I have no right to expect or demand it - I can only do what I think right.

In our case this is no one's mum. Just a fiercely independent and intelligent woman who might need a little protecting. Also, we know this woman has other "clients" who might not be as clever as Auntie, or have persons looking out for them.

Labelling the person who had been providing help to your aunt as a potential scrounger at the outset was probably what prompted me to respond in the first place as I felt there was insufficient confirmable evidence to uphold such a label. Hearsay is something we all grasp at when we want to back up our own story, but it is just hearsay. As you say your aunt has been fiercely independent and intelligent until recently, then I would suggest she knew what she was doing. By all means step in now and do what you can to care for her but all I ask is don't jump to conclusions about someone who has been there for her.

Danni-R

Your Auntie still has all her faculties so what is the basis for taking her cash book off her? Wont this just annoy her more?

I ask because as you will see in my post, when Nan asked for more money, she was given it. We think she either throws it away or she may eat the paper money (her eyesight isnt very good and well, its happened). But ultimately, it is her money. Whilst you have every right to be grumpy about being done out of your £2k. I dont think you have the right to stop her getting her money. What about paying for her to have additional carers to take her out once a week to get her hair done? Or how about just to a garden center. 3 hours a week and you'll have a happy (happier) old lady.

Your Aunt sounds like she knows her own mind and I wouldnt fancy being cooped up for weeks at a time when I used to have my freedom.

irishjohn

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

After she died we were given a ridiculously short time to clear her flat out. It's a shame that the kitchen was cleared, but perhaps you could still take a plant from the garden and keep that?

When my mum moved straight from hospital into a care home I was not pressured to clear the flat quickly, it was up to me to give notice and pay the rent until the end of the notice period. To the best of my knowledge this is what happens in all rental schemes, in fact they often have a minimum notice period and the rent has to be paid for that period even if the flat is emptied immediately.

tea_lover

When my grandad died we had about 4 days to clear his flat, not much time at all.

irishjohn

Glitch wrote: »

We know "Friend" used to charge £3 to visit when she lived alone. That's just for a friendly visit. Cleaning and shopping were extra.

Were these "friendly visits" the daily visits you mentioned in your original post, which were made to help your Aunt get up and dressed?

If this is the case, then a £3 payment for such an activity was somewhat underwhelming. I realise that you have your concerns about the nature of the work done, the qualifications to do it and the criminal records check and so on but I am certain that many old people have entered into black economy agreements for services rendered by people willing to help.

Do you really have no idea at all of what church your Aunt went to 8 or 9 years ago - where she met this lady?

I would urge you to ensure that you are not putting 2 and 2 together and getting 22. Your aunt is obviously still of sound mind, how about sitting down with her and putting your concerns to her directly and see what she has to say? It could well be that she is not being totally honest with you about all the circumstances, old people can be somewhat manipulative no matter how endearing they are.

irishjohn

tea_lover wrote: »

When my grandad died we had about 4 days to clear his flat, not much time at all.

Did you ask to pay another week's rent to give you more time?