Elderly Relative falling victim to Scrounger, Maybe.

Glitch

Auntie is 99 and a half. She is a spinster.

She was living alone in a flat in a what we thought was a sheltered housing scheme. There was a woman who would come in every day and help her get up, and do some cleaning, and take her to the shops, and sometimes to the bank as she liked to use an old-fashioned pass book.

When she had a fall it became clear she needed to move into a care home. We tried to contact the carer and it became apparent at this point that this was not a sheltered housing scheme and the woman who was coming in was a "friend" who she had met in a church group. This woman might be in her l\ate 50s or 60s.

Auntie had been paying her to clean and take her to the shops. This woman has a set rate for these activities and services a few other older people. This is not an official business. We've no idea if she is CRB checked, or if she's claiming benefits, or if she's told the tax man.

When auntie moved to the care home her niece went to clear her old flat. She found that the kitchen had already been cleared by this "friend". Niece contacted "friend" to be told that the best stuff had been taken to a charity shop (and she couldn't remember which) and the rest was in the wheely bin. Which it was. Lots of perfectly serviceable kitchen stuff in the wheely bin. Things missing included some nice mugs which were given to Auntie at Christmas.
"Friend" became very unpleasant to be asked about this.

Don't know what else is missing from the flat. Doubt we'll ever find out. We didn't tell Auntie as there's no need to upset her. Perhaps we should have.

Auntie is now in the home. She gets visits most days from local nephews and nieces (all in their 50s). It's a five hour round trip but we do try to go once a fortnight. The care home manager says that "friend" comes once or twice a week too, but they have noticed that after her visits Auntie is always angry or upset.

A few days ago a nephew visited and Auntie told him that "friend" had just been and she was very upset because "friend's" boiler was broken and it was going to cost thousands to fix it. We don't know if "friend" was asking for money.

Auntie is perfectly sound in mind. There's no question of anyone taking over decisions in her life. if she wants to give "friend" some money then that's up to her. Auntie is also quite a character and it is with some reluctance that we all go to visit. So it's good that she has a "friend". But is she a friend?

sweetilemon

It does sound suspicious and unforunately is common and hard to prevent. Would Auntie sign over power of attorney while she is of sound mind? Then a least you can tell "friend" auntie has no control over finances, "friend" might not take such an interest? The only other thing may be she has convinced her to change her will. Its very upsetting and I find it so disgusting when people take advantage of th vunerable. At least in the home it may be more monitored.

Auntie-Dolly

Or perhaps she is a genuine friend who has been helping with all the things the nieces & nephews are unwilling or unable to do. Have you met her?

Mojisola

Glitch wrote: »

The care home manager says that "friend" comes once or twice a week too, but they have noticed that after her visits Auntie is always angry or upset.

A few days ago a nephew visited and Auntie told him that "friend" had just been and she was very upset because "friend's" boiler was broken and it was going to cost thousands to fix it. We don't know if "friend" was asking for money.

If she starts giving money away, there may be an issue of deprivation of capital if her money reduces to the level where she needs financial help from the council.

Would the manager keep an eye on what happens during this person's visits? She may be perfectly honest in all her dealings but then she may not be.

elsien

Might also be that Auntie knows/suspects she's being taken advantage of but up till now has been willing to make the trade off for the support and companionship it had given her.
Now she's in the home and circumstances have changed she may feel differently. Or she may not if she wants the visits.
I'd also suggest asking the homes manager to monitor. They can discuss any concerns with the safeguarding team if they feel something is going on.

fed_up_and_stressed

If as has been mentioned a person is able to make decisions for themselves (capacity to make the decision) then legally they have the right to make unwise decisions.

Mojisola

fed_up_and_stressed wrote: »

If as has been mentioned a person is able to make decisions for themselves (capacity to make the decision) then legally they have the right to make unwise decisions.

A person can be capable of making their own decisions but may also be vulnerable to pressure.

It's a worrying sign that she is upset after the "friend" visits.

sassyblue

It's the cheques for £2000 that are the obvious worry, l hope you get the answer to that very soon. The story to that alone is dodgy.

fed_up_and_stressed

Mojisola wrote: »

A person can be capable of making their own decisions but may also be vulnerable to pressure.

It's a worrying sign that she is upset after the "friend" visits.

Oh yes if worried i'd still be going down the safeguarding route ... Sometimes knowing someone. "In authority" is involved is enough to scare any potential shysters.

elsien

By the way, what's niece doing rummaging around in historical pass book transactions? Kind of hard to accidentally spot transactions that are several years old, I would have thought?
As an elderly neighbour commented as she got old and frail and relatives appeared out if the woodwork "the vultures are circling."

PasturesNew

Get auntie's room bugged .... and listen to the friend's visits.