Elderly Relative falling victim to Scrounger, Maybe.

Glitch

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

You have to expect all sorts of answers as its a public forum and people have different views and opinions.

That's true.

Though these sorts of threads do normally attract criticism and accusations in equal measure with sound advice.

growler834

Glitch,

I agree with Hazyjo about sowing the seeds of worry, however I wouldn't say that the Police are involved - a bit heavy handed & may scare off the most innocent of friends as well as a conwoman. I would approach her & say that the LA are re-assessing auntie's finances as they are getting low enough for the LA to start paying her care home fees (not a lie after all). Then say, as auntie's good friend, she will know more about auntie's circumstances than her distant family do & would she be happy to help them answer any questions regarding auntie's finances that the LA might bring up, especially any large withdrawals from auntie's savings as the LA will need to know where they have gone in order to discount the 'deprivation of assets' question. 'Friend' might think you are being friendly & just need her help &, if there is any fraud going on, she hopefully won't be clever enough to cover her tracks. Meanwhile, if she is a true friend & has nothing to hide you are not alienating her friendship with your aunt.

duchy

I'm trying to work out how the nieces and nephews who apparently are now visiting daily never noticed the changes in the flats going from sheltered to non sheltered.
I'd be taking their "theories" with a pinch of salt if I hadn't made my own enquiries as there appears to be a bit of self interest going on as none of they apparently visited often enough to discover the correct set up both with the flat and the carer.

Ames

Just a point about the flat being cleaned out and stuff being binned, councils don't give a lot of time for properties to be emptied before wanting the keys back. So the friend did you all a big favour there.

Georgiegirl256

adouglasmhor wrote: »

I cannot beleive you are so naive as to suggest spying illegaly on a relalative no matter how pure the motive, is a good thing.

You've seen it time and time again, vulnerable elderly people being targeted by their so called carers. Being abused and being robbed, with relatives having their suspicions, but having no proof what so ever, until they install a hidden camera and catch them red handed.

I am not that 'naive' as you put it. I would explore all avenues first, it would be a last resort before I did anything like that. It was an idea, I'm not even saying that I would do it for sure, as I guess no one knows until they are that awful position. All I know is, I would do everything to get tot he bottom of it, and to protect my relative. It breaks my heart to see pensioners/vulnerable people taken advantage of.

Hopefully the OP's concern are nothing, and this 'friend' really is a friend. But, it's more than abit worrying that the old lady becomes visibly distressed after a visit....don't you think?

And your suggestion is what exactly?

Mojisola

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

You've seen it time and time again, vulnerable elderly people being targeted by their so called carers. Being abused and being robbed, with relatives having their suspicions, but having no proof what so ever, until they install a hidden camera and catch them red handed.

We were very lucky with the care my Dad received in his care home but, if I had been concerned about the way he was being treated, I would have put a hidden camera in his room.

In this case, I wonder if the friend visits at a regular time. If so, could another family member arrange to be there at the same time and see what she's like or call soon afterwards and talk to Auntie about what her friend talked about?

Cottage_Economy

You are right to be concerned.

A similar thing happened to my 78 year old grandfather. Except the woman posed as a cleaner and relieved him of £8,000 of his savings in around seven months.

My father met her at the top of the stairs on the last occasion she was there and told her he was taking over my grandfather's finances so he would be paying her from now on and to let him have the cleaning bill each week or month and he'd give her cash.

She never turned up again, and my grandfather never saw her again.

I thought this kind of elderly abuse was the kind of thing you just read about in newspapers, but now it seems horribly common.

My MIL was telling me yesterday about her elderly neighbours whose son had taken away their car and sold it, on the basis that the father was too old to drive and would probably have an accident. Not that he ever had, but might do. Apparently the father cried when he found out what the son had done behind his back. His wife, who can drive, was furious, as they used to go for nice little trips to the nearby park for a walk and they are now virtually housebound. She's in the process of taking the money out of their ISA to buy a smart little new car to ferry them around, and apparently the daughter-in-law turned up and had a screaming fit for at them for wasting money.

Not a stranger in that case, but family.

OP if you have suspicions act on them. If my father hadn't, my grandfather would have been relieved of the rest of his savings very quickly and left with nothing.

adouglasmhor

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

And your suggestion is what exactly?

That commiting criminal acts behind a relatives back is not on.

Georgiegirl256

adouglasmhor wrote: »

That commiting criminal acts behind a relatives back is not on.

I actually meant, what is your suggestion for the OP? But you knew that didn't you? Any helpful ideas to try and work out if the old lady is being conned? Because to me, it certainly sounds like this 'friend' might be out for what she can get. Like I say, I really hope I'm wrong.

I'm not getting in another tit for tatt with you, but what I will say is that I wouldn't be one of these people who just sat back and did nothing, and I'm obviously not the only one who thinks that way either.

tea_lover

Cottage_Economy wrote: »

My MIL was telling me yesterday about her elderly neighbours whose son had taken away their car and sold it, on the basis that the father was too old to drive and would probably have an accident.

I realise this is getting OT but who did he sell it to without proof of ownership? They need to call the police and report the car stolen.