Elderly Relative falling victim to Scrounger, Maybe.

Mojisola

Glitch wrote: »

Auntie has slightly too much savings to qualify for free care.

Do read up on deprivation of capital - it would give Auntie a good reason for saying no to anyone who asks for money.

If she drops to the level where she would be funded by the council, her accounts will be checked and she would be assessed as still having any lump sums that have been given away and so not entitled to free care.

Georgiegirl256

PasturesNew wrote: »

Get auntie's room bugged .... and listen to the friend's visits.

Yes, or install a very small hidden camera somewhere.

dandelionclock30

This situation wouldnt have arisen in the first place if this ladys family were there for her to begin with. Its sad that only now the nieces and nephews are bothered about her . I would be asking your Aunt if this friend is asking for money and if she was what for etc?
I would also be passing my concerns onto the manager and like the others say recording the visits.
She may have given the woman or someone elce the money because she wanted to not through being pressured and theres nothing wrong with that. I mean maybe the woman is genuine and helped her when her family were nowhere to be seen.
Whatever you need to make sure shes not being rinsed by the friend so she can spend the money on herself not giving it to scammers or leaving it to 'family'.

irishjohn

I am surprised by your comment that you thought her flat was in a sheltered housing scheme and subsequently found it wasn't. Reading between the lines it would seem you made no visits at all while Auntie seemed to be living independently and only became involved when Auntie needed to move to a nursing home perhaps to look to your own interests?

I would say that Auntie's actions to care for herself, paying for care and companionship were independent actions of a woman who knew what she was doing, and as other things prevented you from providing any care and companionship then you should not be concerning yourself now with those actions.

Ask yourself what you did to deserve the gift of £2000?

I moved home from another country when I could see my mum needing more help and realised that my brother and sister were too absorbed in their own lives to help, despite living within 2 miles of Mum. She is now in a care home and I visit regularly and am left to look after all her needs while brother and sister continue in the same old way. I neither criticize or condemn them - we all have to decide what we do in our lives. I wish they would do more but its down to them to decide.

Perhaps Auntie's friend felt somewhat annoyed when cross examined by relatives who were suddenly taking an interest after years of showing no interest at all and this affected her way of replying and reacting.

I was at church last night - the pastor spoke about our relationships with others - he spoke eloquently about how we have become a society obsessed with our rights to the exclusion of our responsibilities.

good_advice

Be careful - this lady could be just a friend in need of company herself.
Yes, she should not have emptied the kitchen without say so. She could have just been trying to be helpful.

CH27

If your Aunt is upset by her friend's visits can the care home make sure someone is within earshot when she visits?

Glitch

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

This situation wouldnt have arisen in the first place if this ladys family were there for her to begin with. Its sad that only now the nieces and nephews are bothered about her .

That's not true. She has been visited and taken out by those who live closer almost every day for over 30 years. It's us that live far away. Cousins have suggested we visit more often as Auntie might be gone soon and she is the last of her generation.

irishjohn

Glitch wrote: »

That's not true. She has been visited and taken out by those who live closer almost every day for over 30 years. It's us that live far away. Cousins have suggested we visit more often as Auntie might be gone soon and she is the last of her generation.

So is it only you who thought this was sheltered housing? The cousins would have seen clearly that it was not.

Glitch

irishjohn wrote: »

I am surprised by your comment that you thought her flat was in a sheltered housing scheme and subsequently found it wasn't. Reading between the lines it would seem you made no visits at all while Auntie seemed to be living independently and only became involved when Auntie needed to move to a nursing home perhaps to look to your own interests?

Gosh! That's full of assumptions.

She was told by the council it was sheltered accommodation when they moved her out of her three bed council house in her early 90s to something more appropriate.It was a complex of small flats for independent living with a shared social room and a live-in warden. The council cut costs by making this a non-resident warden, then an occasional warden. Eventually the only council presence was the gardener.


We visited most weeks since she moved in but this dropped to about once a month in the last two years as mum and day both became ill and died (last month). Closer relatives continued to visit most days.

I would say that Auntie's actions to care for herself, paying for care and companionship were independent actions of a woman who knew what she was doing, and as other things prevented you from providing any care and companionship then you should not be concerning yourself now with those actions.

Yes - I would agree with all that.

Personal care and cleaning was always going to be an extra. So it seems she organised it herself. We assumed this woman who came in was send by (and invoiced by) the council, and so would be insured and CRB checked.

Ask yourself what you did to deserve the gift of £2000?

Nothing at all.

But when she told a cousin that she had already given us all £2000 alarm bells rang. Because she hadn't.

Cousin contacted the bank and was told that they could tell her nothing. The bank did suggest she took Auntie there for a "financial review" - which she did - and between cousin and bank manager they identified some suspicious debits. Auntie has paid the bank a fee to have these traced. I don't know how hard that will be.

I moved home from another country when I could see my mum needing more help and realised that my brother and sister were too absorbed in their own lives to help, despite living within 2 miles of Mum. She is now in a care home and I visit regularly and am left to look after all her needs while brother and sister continue in the same old way. I neither criticize or condemn them - we all have to decide what we do in our lives. I wish they would do more but its down to them to decide.

You seem to be contradicting yourself a little there.

In our case this is no one's mum. Just a fiercely independent and intelligent woman who might need a little protecting. Also, we know this woman has other "clients" who might not be as clever as Auntie, or have persons looking out for them.

Glitch

CH27 wrote: »

If your Aunt is upset by her friend's visits can the care home make sure someone is within earshot when she visits?

I think that's a good idea. Other people have suggested bugging devices or cameras. I'm not sure that would be legal or kind. People (even very old people) have a right to privacy.