Elderly Relative falling victim to Scrounger, Maybe.

pimento

good_advice wrote: »

Be careful - this lady could be just a friend in need of company herself.
Yes, she should not have emptied the kitchen without say so. She could have just been trying to be helpful.

Perhaps the friend thought Auntie had no relatives, never having seen any.

Glitch

pimento wrote: »

Perhaps the friend thought Auntie had no relatives, never having seen any.

She might have thought that when she first met her. Auntie would have been in her early 90s then. She took herself to a church group. She's a "Miss", and out and about on her own might have seemed an easy target. The closer cousins haven't seen much of "Friend" as she came in early in the mornings. Like a real carer would. As she had a few other older people to get round.

I'm wondering of people are really allowed to set themselves up as personal carers? Don't they need registering? CRB-checking? Insurance? Supervising?

The difficulty with reporting her is that this would involve Auntie having to "testify" against someone she thinks of as a friend. Also she would be upset to think her own judgement was unsound.

At the end of the day this woman might well have been strung along by Auntie. She's still a wise old bird.

hazyjo

I do think some people are being rather harsh with you. If they'd seen this on Crimewatch, they'd probably all be wondering why nobody in the family questioned this woman's motives. You really can't win lol.

Anyway, yes I too would be suspicious. Not sure about bugging/filming, but I would definitely try to scare the woman off IF she's got something to be scared about.

Maybe tell her she may get a call from the police as they're looking into some money that's gone missing from her a/c (may or not be true by the time you speak with her!) and that she shouldn't worry as you know she's been a great friend to your aunt but undoubtedly they'll want to speak to everyone she's been in close contact with. Sow the seed of worry - if she's innocent, she'll not think twice. If she's guilty, she may well decide to keep a wide berth.

Jx

pimento

I'll tell you a story.

I am an ardent genealogist. I have been doing the family tree for about ten years. I have a particular branch of my tree that is a right pain to research because their name is Jones. Anyway, I managed to discover a third cousin who was in that branch of the tree who lived a couple of miles from me. I was pretty sure it was him but he would have been in his early 90s.

For a few months I ummed and aahed about whether to contact him. IN the end, I decided that my genealogical brick wall was more important than being a pest so I wrote him a letter enclosing photo copies of the birth and marriage certificates that confirmed our connection and requesting any help he could give me.

A whole year went past and I heard nothing. After 13 months, I received a letter which started;

Dear Mrs Pimento,

Thank you for your letter. I am a 91 year old single man who has recently made a will in favour of several local animal charities. However, if you still require my assistance with the family tree, I may be in a position to help you.

I was glad that he had put it out there right at the start because I also had been worried that he would think I was after his money (which I wasn't) and, as it happens he had a wealth of family documents that he was happy to share with me.

Glitch

hazyjo wrote: »

I do think some people are being rather harsh with you. If they'd seen this on Crimewatch, they'd probably all be wondering why nobody in the family questioned this woman's motives. You really can't win lol.

Anyway, yes I too would be suspicious. Not sure about bugging/filming, but I would definitely try to scare the woman off IF she's got something to be scared about.

Maybe tell her she may get a call from the police as they're looking into some money that's gone missing from her a/c (may or not be true by the time you speak with her!) and that she shouldn't worry as you know she's been a great friend to your aunt but undoubtedly they'll want to speak to everyone she's been in close contact with. Sow the seed of worry - if she's innocent, she'll not think twice. If she's guilty, she may well decide to keep a wide berth.

Jx

"Sow the seeds of worry" - wow! That's such good advice. Thank You.

Yes. There's been some judgemental posts, but that's to be expected on a money-saving forum where everyone is hard up. Whereas we have just been "lucky" enough to inherit a small house in the Midlands and so don't really need £2000, nor anyone's judgement (but would rather have my parents back).

Georgiegirl256

Glitch wrote: »

I think that's a good idea. Other people have suggested bugging devices or cameras. I'm not sure that would be legal or kind. People (even very old people) have a right to privacy.

Yes, everybody has the right to privacy, but if I was as concerned about an elderly relative as much as you appear to be, I would do everything within my powers to get to the bottom of it. I would want to know why they became visibly upset after a visit from the 'friend', it would break my heart to see them like that.

I would probably only do that as a last resort if I'd exhausted all other avenues.

Glitch

pimento wrote: »

I was glad that he had put it out there right at the start because I also had been worried that he would think I was after his money (which I wasn't) and, as it happens he had a wealth of family documents that he was happy to share with me.

Auntie does have a wealth of family stories. She has also left her modest estate equally to her many nephews and nieces. She sent us all a copy of the will.

But really, this is not about money. It's about concerns over whether someone is a confidence trickster, thief, .. or really a friend.

To be honest I can really understand how people are taken in by con men (and women) as the line is really blurred between friend and foe here. Anyone hoping to scam Auntie will be immediately charmed by her wit and intelligence.

Glitch

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yes, everybody has the right to privacy, but if I was as concerned about an elderly relative as much as you appear to be, I would do everything within my powers to get to the bottom of it. I would want to know why they became visibly upset after a visit from the 'friend', it would break my heart to see them like that.

I would probably only do that as a last resort if I'd exhausted all other avenues.

Auntie is an avid user of her huge pay-as-you go granny phone. I wonder if it does voice recording? I could show her how to press "record" if she feels uncomfortable with anyone.

adouglasmhor

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yes, or install a very small hidden camera somewhere.

I cannot beleive you are so naive as to suggest spying illegaly on a relalative no matter how pure the motive, is a good thing.

dandelionclock30

Glitch wrote: »

"Sow the seeds of worry" - wow! That's such good advice. Thank You.

Yes. There's been some judgemental posts, but that's to be expected on a money-saving forum where everyone is hard up. Whereas we have just been "lucky" enough to inherit a small house in the Midlands and so don't really need £2000, nor anyone's judgement (but would rather have my parents back).

Thats a judgemental thing to say yourself really. Not everyone on the site is hard up, some people have loads of money and ask questions about investments etc.
You have to expect all sorts of answers as its a public forum and people have different views and opinions.