Elderly Relative falling victim to Scrounger, Maybe.

adouglasmhor

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I actually meant, what is your suggestion for the OP? But you knew that didn't you? Any helpful ideas to try and work out if the old lady is being conned? Because to me, it certainly sounds like this 'friend' might be out for what she can get. Like I say, I really hope I'm wrong.

I'm not getting in another tit for tatt with you, but what I will say is that I wouldn't be one of these people who just sat back and did nothing, and I'm obviously not the only one who thinks that way either.

First wait and see what the bank comes back with, don't jump the gun, evidence before action. If this money has been diverted by the supposed friend. Failing that put my own hand into my pocket and hire an investigator, they don't just exist in fiction.
Of course I could go down your road of blundering in without any respect for the law or my relative’s right to privacy , but in my opinion that is just one step away from rule by mob.

Cottage_Economy

tea_lover wrote: »

I realise this is getting OT but who did he sell it to without proof of ownership? They need to call the police and report the car stolen.

No idea. Presumably the son posed as the father when sorting out the log book. I doubt they will ever call the police and report their son. Most parents never would.

Georgiegirl256

adouglasmhor wrote: »

First wait and see what the bank comes back with, don't jump the gun, evidence before action. If this money has been diverted by the supposed friend. Failing that put my own hand into my pocket and hire an investigator, they don't just exist in fiction.
Of course I could go down your road of blundering in without any respect for the law or my relative’s right to privacy , but in my opinion that is just one step away from rule by mob.

Totally agree about waiting to see what the bank comes back with first, that's the most sensible option, and if you read my other post then you'll see that I didn't suggest to just go 'blundering in' with the camera, I actually said that it would be a last resort.

That's actually a good idea about the PI....see, you do have some good ideas.

Danni-R

Not sure if this will help but my Nan who has memory issues is now in a home after being fleeced by 'a nice old lady in a wheelchair who cant afford anything because she's disabled'. It only came to light when my Nan was getting through £100s a week. Once she moved to the home the 'nice old lady' came to visit and after each meeting Nan was upset and questioned about her money and how she needed more (we gave her more, its her money) but we did ask the home to make sure that she and the lady were never in the bedroom alone. It was always out in the open where staff were walking past.

For what its worth - the family seemed happy with the arrangement until they found out it was 'costing them' directly. Stuff like daily visits arent cheap (we had those for Nan before she went into a home). No one likes the thought of anyone getting scammed but the family doesnt sound as close as I think you think you are.

Carmina-Piranha_2

The sheltered housing won't look any different after they got rid of the warden. We only knew that my Gran's sheltered housing had lost their warden because my Gran took over the running of the bingo and social club.

But councils and sheltered housing don't arrange for personal care. I don't know how it works for others, but my Gran arranged her own care, and paid for it out of her benefits.

After she died we were given a ridiculously short time to clear her flat out. It's a shame that the kitchen was cleared, but perhaps you could still take a plant from the garden and keep that?

Glitch

Carmina-Piranha wrote: »

The sheltered housing won't look any different after they got rid of the warden. We only knew that my Gran's sheltered housing had lost their warden because my Gran took over the running of the bingo and social club.

But councils and sheltered housing don't arrange for personal care. I don't know how it works for others, but my Gran arranged her own care, and paid for it out of her benefits.

After she died we were given a ridiculously short time to clear her flat out. It's a shame that the kitchen was cleared, but perhaps you could still take a plant from the garden and keep that?

Sounds like your Gran and my Auntie were in the same place.

Auntie didn't use any of the social facilities and so there just wasn't the opportunity to notice anything different. The complex is still for the over 60s only though.

Glitch

Just come back from seeing Auntie (5 hour round trip).

Manager called us aside with "concerns" about a visitor ("Friend") who was loudly complaining about not having enough money. The care home has acted ahead of us and will not permit this visitor access to Auntie's bedroom. All visits (by "Friend) are to be in the communal area and will be overheard.

Auntie (later, up in her room) was complaining "Didn't think I'd ever need a Zimmer frame.... Can't do anything by myself now.... Haven't been out since yesterday when [her sister] came and took me out to a tea room..."

Easily the oldest resident, Auntie has much higher expectations of what makes an interesting day than any of the other residents.

Cousin now keeps Auntie's bank book for her and so "Friend" will not get any chance to scrounge big sums of money. Auntie is getting through worrying amounts of cash though. It seems she might be giving "Friend" £5 or £10 each time she visits. We know "Friend" used to charge £3 to visit when she lived alone. That's just for a friendly visit. Cleaning and shopping were extra.

Apart from the cash thing I don't think Auntie is at much risk with lots of relative plus the care home staff guarding her.

I'd like to raise my concerns about "Friend" to someone. Who? Social Services? Age Concern? - she has other "Clients" and I think someone should know about this.

margaretclare

As a 78-year-old woman and reading all these sad stories, I can't believe how fortunate I am.

barbiedoll

What about the church group where Auntie met this "friend"? Was it a group actually affiliated to the church or just a meet-up of churchgoers who knew each other? May be worth finding out to see who else is obtaining services from this woman. She does sound like a chancer at the very least. Possibly have a word with the vicar/priest?

Glitch

barbiedoll wrote: »

What about the church group where Auntie met this "friend"? Was it a group actually affiliated to the church or just a meet-up of churchgoers who knew each other? May be worth finding out to see who else is obtaining services from this woman. She does sound like a chancer at the very least. Possibly have a word with the vicar/priest?

That's going back 7 or 8 years (when Auntie was in her early 90s). I don't know what church it was.