Should a child ask for food or just take it?

meeshpeesh

I'm not a parent but from seeing how much trouble my friends and family have had trying to get their kids to eat healthy I'd count this as a win

I'd hide away all the unhealthy treat foods so they have to be asked for or offered before eating and continue leaving fruit and healthy stuff freely available.

If there's anything you are saving and really don't want him to help himself to, label it as such or make a point of telling him

Katem

I wonder if this is not so much about the apple that the OPs son took, but more about the fact that he feels like he's growing up and perhaps feels like he shouldn't have to ask.

Maybe he's seen that in friends' houses, no one asks or at school perhaps they are encouraged to help themselves without asking from the fruit bowl etc. Maybe he is becoming an adolescent and in his almost teenage brain, he just doesn't fancy asking!

Like all adolescents though, he's going to have to learn that different families have different rules, that you have to be considerate about others etc.

Personally, I think there's a very happy middle ground. If it's on show, it's a free for all, unless it's the last one, in which case offer it round first (in my house someone would shout "does anyone want the last doughnut? I've licked it" )

The OP needs to put away all food they don't want eaten - or designate a shelf in the fridge that is a no-go area. I have been known to put post it notes on food in the fridge saying "do not eat this"

I think it sounds really considerate of the OP to consider how their son feels about this and that they want to grow with their son, rather than applying rules willy nilly without any just reason. I don't for a minute think they want their child to be hungry/denied food etc, they just want to know what's acceptable and for their child not to be taking food without considering others.

kerri_gt

GobbledyGook wrote: »

At least you now know you are a control freak and I know that my kids are destined to be terrors

I think it's a classic example of how parenting is so difficult - I let my children have free reign of food and I'm a bad parent - you make your child ask and you are a bad parent! How does that work?! How can we both be doing it "wrong" What is the mysterious correct third way?

It's good to see different ways. I know a couple of people on here took up the way I do the treat boxes after I talked about it, just like I took up a reward chart type strategy for my youngest after I read it here. It's just a shame when some people can't share their opinions without being rude.

Very well put. Incidentally, I used to have a sweet tin (a little tea caddy) never got the chance to scoff them all at once (not that I ever wanted to) as my mum always used to eat them AND the sweets she would buy to replace them :T oddly as an adult I can keep sweets for ages and not bother to eat them, my OH however is like my mum and scoffs them all at once....even mine.

GobbledyGook

kerri_gt wrote: »

Very well put. Incidentally, I used to have a sweet tin (a little tea caddy) never got the chance to scoff them all at once (not that I ever wanted to) as my mum always used to eat them AND the sweets she would buy to replace them :T oddly as an adult I can keep sweets for ages and not bother to eat them, my OH however is like my mum and scoffs them all at once....even mine.

That's one of the reasons we have the treat boxes. I was mortified when my daughter complained that there was no X flavour of something left and she knew (and I knew) that I'd eaten them. I could see that when we had stuff in the girls would want it all the time and I had to hold my hands up and realise I was passing my bad food habits onto them.

Eating something from someone else's box without a trade or permission is treated like sacrilege here. Was quite amusing when the OH had to miss a football match on tv for pinching a milky way :rotfl:

amus

My kids always ask me before eating something. Mostly because I don't like them eating before their tea, they are allowed what they want (within reason) after their dinner/tea.

Its not a matter of control or manners for me, its more to do with monitoring what I have in the cupboards and what I will need to buy from the shop!

Georgiegirl256

quidsy wrote: »

my main objection to alot of replies is the suggestion that asking for food is some how good manners & so by defualt implies that not having to ask my child is somehow lacking in said manners & will turn out wrong.

A child asking for food doesn't mean they will not display poor manners in something else.

Each household has to do what suits them.

That was my main objection to, to those who made out that we must 'have terrible manners'

My parents brought me up to have good manners, therefore they must be control freaks....BUT also, I didn't have to ask permission, so therefore they must be chavs too....apparently! :rotfl: I'll never understand some people's rational!

Carmina-Piranha_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Eating something from someone else's box without a trade or permission is treated like sacrilege here. Was quite amusing when the OH had to miss a football match on tv for pinching a milky way :rotfl:

That's really made me giggle, thanks

We have separate treat boxes for each child here too. It's a tiny house though, and I'd run out of spaces to store things if I kept everything I wanted for packed lunches or evening meals separate. Maybe you all have huge larders in your farmhouses to store the fruits from your orchards?

Carmina-Piranha_2

One thing I've noticed from starting the treat boxes is that my eldest stopped taking a treat to school like he used to. He prefers to scoff in the evenings, and having the box there has made him think about his appetite, and decide that he was only taking junk food to school because it was there and he could, or to munch it before his dad got his paws on it, rather than because he wanted it. The other teenager is the same, wanting to snack late at night but not taking anything during the day.

My youngest hasn't found his off switch yet, but honestly, neither have I.

MidLifeCrisis_3

Katem wrote: »

I wonder if this is not so much about the apple that the OPs son took, but more about the fact that he feels like he's growing up and perhaps feels like he shouldn't have to ask.

Maybe he's seen that in friends' houses, no one asks or at school perhaps they are encouraged to help themselves without asking from the fruit bowl etc. Maybe he is becoming an adolescent and in his almost teenage brain, he just doesn't fancy asking!

Like all adolescents though, he's going to have to learn that different families have different rules, that you have to be considerate about others etc.

Personally, I think there's a very happy middle ground. If it's on show, it's a free for all, unless it's the last one, in which case offer it round first (in my house someone would shout "does anyone want the last doughnut? I've licked it" )

The OP needs to put away all food they don't want eaten - or designate a shelf in the fridge that is a no-go area. I have been known to put post it notes on food in the fridge saying "do not eat this"

I think it sounds really considerate of the OP to consider how their son feels about this and that they want to grow with their son, rather than applying rules willy nilly without any just reason. I don't for a minute think they want their child to be hungry/denied food etc, they just want to know what's acceptable and for their child not to be taking food without considering others.

Exactly that thank you! DS was brought up to say please and thank you, as most kids are from babies, and as a result has always asked if he wanted something without any of us even thinking about it until now. With 'applegate' came the realisation that he is growing up and we sought ideas from others on how best to handle that.

We want to guide him to make the right choices and avoid food issues while showing consideration for other members of the household and the budget. He is already a teenager in a 10 yo body in many ways and has the appetite that goes with it.

I wish we had an apple orchard and a larder too, but we are stuck with a small kitchen and integrated fridge which is a useless size for a family shop.

Off to lick all the donuts now control freak that I am:rotfl:

Gloomendoom

I remember being shocked when I visited a school friend's house. His parents had gone so far as to fit padlocks on all the food cupboards in the kitchen.

Apparently, he and his brother couldn't be trusted.