Frugal Frump to Fab - The Journey Continues

maman

I'm glad you've got some plans for your birthday lizzie although not all to your liking. Sounds like you had a good time with your friend.


I think it's perfectly normal to feel guilty/responsible for everyone. It's not a good feeling but usual. I think it's a woman thing although it seems to have passed your sister by!:rotfl:


I do think you're doing the right thing. When I had big birthdays I've had multiple celebrations for different groups of friends and family so don't worry about not inviting your parents/sister to the Chinese. What I'd do is make a point of talking to them and making an arrangement to visit/take them out in the near future. They'd probably enjoy a light lunch/tea/coffee at a garden centre more anyway and they'd be available midweek too. I think your sister sounds a bit weird never asking you to her home but that's her problem.


In case I don't get on here on Sunday, may I wish you a very Happy Birthday in advance. I bet you feel better about yourself than you did on your last birthday (despite the ar*se!).:A

lessonlearned

Hi Everyone

Don't forget it's Fab Friday

Lizzie - I'm assuming you're planning to go to a Chinese restaurant. Why not give them a ring and see if they will do something "English" for your parents, most will offer something and chips. A favourite Chinese restaurant of mine does a fabulous steak…..

Re your sister and never visiting her house - why not ask her why she hasn't invited you - maybe she is embarrassed that her house isn't "perfect". No point trying to guess and torturing yourself, she may have a perfectly valid reason but daren't tell you why.

Brace yourself - you may not like the answer but at least you will know what the problem is…….Better than not knowing and torturing yourself with a load of unanswered questions. (At least that's how I would feel but then I can't stand uncertainty - I would rather know the score - even if it's bad).

Try not to worry so much about what other people think - all it does is tie you in knots and upsets you. You can't change their views anyway. Either folk accept you "just as you are" or they don't.

Just try to relax and enjoy your day.

Thanks for all your kind thoughts, my darling OH is happy enough. At least he is pain free and comfortable - things could be a lot worse. This stage of his illness could last for months or years - who knows…….It could be over in a few weeks. We have absolutely no way of knowing so I'm just taking it one step at a time, making the best of each day.

Very stiff and sore today. I engaged a labourer to help with the heavy stuff. He lasted a week and then he just walked the day the skip arrived. He has left me in the lurch. The skip is of course time sensitive - well if it is if you don't want to pay extra so DS2 and I have been working flat out to get the rubbish out of the house and into the skip.

DS2 is struggling with a wisdom tooth erupting (poor lad is in agony) and I'm absolutely "jiggered" as we say here (beyond exhausted in English:rotfl:).

My back is killing me but I will go to Pilates in a minute because it does help. I will take some paracetamol to take the edge off and then work through the pain.

The joys of property developing……;)

Sweetcheeks - Good luck with the flat.

Have a great day. X

pirateyqueen

I mixed up my first batch of vitamin C serum last night. Pretty impressed! I wonder when I will start to see results? I'm starting a at 5% and will eventually work up to 20%. I quite liked mixing up my chemicals, I felt like Walter White! I am not looking up recipes for a sea salt spray!

Rummer

:j Good day here for me :j I think I have turned a corner and I am determined to be fabulous! I invested in some new workout clothes as I have been avoiding exercising as I looked a mess. Now I have the right gear and I feel good in them so good in fact that I popped them straight on and went out for a run

Also eaten healthily all day and I feel better for it. Giving up sugar is very hard for me however it is doing my health no good and I need to be having less.

Just given myself a mini manicure and I am going to exfoliate and moisturise later. Been leaving hand cream around the house and using it regularly throughout the day which has made a big difference to my skin

Also decided on a treat linked to my weight loss so when I reach a certain weight I am going to book it

lizzie157

LL Sorry your workman has left you in the lurch. I feel your son's pain with the tooth too -had terrible trouble with my wisdom teeth before eventually having them out. Hope it settles soon.

Maman- thanks for the birthday wishes

I think i'm going to suggest going out for the afternoon one day next week, the garden centre sounds a good suggestion. It's always difficult I have a large family and though I've included parents/sister/aunties etc at other times inevitably someone doesn't like whatever and it gets complicated. They also have a set routine and you are often greeted with 'I have to do ... that day so i can't' which is why I stopped including them all. Also not being able to drive does limit things a bit.

As for my sister I've broached the subject but there's always been some excuse as to why for example at xmas she can't host a meal. There's no rift as such though we aren't really close, she's just thoughtless, going for meals at my parents 2/3 times a week and generally just not being aware of other's feelings. Perhaps i'm too much the other way as i think of others rather than me. I am learning to put myself first a bit but it's hard to change that mindset.

Enjoy your weekend everyone.:)

Floss

Lizzie have a fab birthday, whatever you decide. At the end of the day, if you enjoyed what you did then that is what should matter, not whether everyone was included. If they miss out it is their loss, its sad but not your problem to feel guilty about.

I had similar feelings about my recent 50th, in fact one of my brothers still hasn't celebrated it with me but he knows where we live & I'm not going to him just because he wouldn't come on our day out.

maddiemay

Lizzie, a little early, but have a very happy birthday, as others have said, enjoy yourself and try not to let other members of the family put any shadow on it for you. You deserve a happy time and it is so difficult to get everyone together, if others wish to do something for you at a different time let them, but they should be sorting it out not you. You are so worth it:beer:

whichwhydoIturn

Good morning everyone , been AWOL,for a good reason , I've been having a word with myself, trying to break the negatives habits grown over the years ... "I can't do that because ..." That type of thing
I go on holiday for the first time in 20 years in July this year , I'm feeling sick thinking about it .
It's a family wedding and I love the bride dearly I hate to have upset her with an excuse .
Basically I work ft come home and stay home only visiting my DD & DGS at the weekends
I live with my cat and ferret
So I feel I have no confidence to be around people all the time being used to my own company most of the time.
I have this invisible wall that I created decades ago that I in effect have closed myself off to social things , think that this developed when my marriage ended
I wish everyone well , I'm the one the turn to when things go wrong my best freind describes me as nanny macphee in that I'm always around when things are bad , sorts it and disappear when it okay
I haven't met up with her in such along time , I feel guilty since my mum passed that suddenly I have time.
I worry about things I can't control see the worse case in everything
I get so far in learning to drive , then I think I can't do this , same with weight loss , same with job promotions .
Even personal standards like looking after my self, having my roots done, sorting facial hair that sort of thing so this thread is proving invaluable to me
I try to paint this confident picture but I want to be the real me just don't know how after years of being in the shadow
Thank you for reading
XX

thank you for reading

Kiwisaver_2

whichwhydoIturn wrote: »

I try to paint this confident picture but I want to be the real me just don't know how after years of being in the shadow

I think many of us feel this way and have confidence issues in different ways; I don't know anyone that doesn't doubt themselves and most of us are just faking it until we make it - aren't we?

There's an awful lot of people that are probably not as confident and happy as they seem on the surface but they put their best foot forward and are putting a brave face on it. Even those that do seem ultra confident will often be in a similar inner turmoil; because we're all human and have worries that we don't match up to the ideals, we think we won't meet the grade in terms of how we look or how we portray ourselves.

I often have similar fears about myself in work context and often the only way to get over the hurdle is to jump in with both feet. It's not easy but sometime we have to step outside the comfort zone and do things we wouldn't ordinarily do unless pushed.

You clearly have some really great qualities; if people know you are dependable and trustworthy and help others in their times of need. You could set yourself some little challenges, next time someone asks you to go out or do something make no excuses, just go with them, even if it's not entirely something you want to do, or perhaps offer a simpler alternative on your own terms. Perhaps you might not want to go to the pub or whatever but wouldn't mind going for a coffee instead.

You're doing really well already in acknowledging the issues; so things can only get better from here.

maddiemay

Just a quick read and run for the moment, I echo what Kiwisaver says, but can I just mention a book/also available CD I think, which helped me so much and I refer to again from time to time. There are thousands of self help books out there (and I have read many of them:(), but for me this is the one that helped me immensly.

It is called Fear the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers, now passed on sadly. It should be around on e-bay and amazon, or possibly still in some book stores.

You might like to read this:- http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2130155/Feel-fear-Twenty-years-hit-shelves-self-help-classic-changing-lives.html

HTH, the only way now you have "come out" here is forward:):):):)