Step Mothers support club

spikyspiky

Very interesting read.

Me and hubby been married 3 years together nearly 6. Step daughter aged 9 has lived with us full time for 5 years. My 17 year old daughter also lives with us.

Its very difficult. I basically feel that I have given up the last 5 years of my life to make SD's mothers life easier. No school runs for her in all weathers, no dealing with sick child in middle of night, no making bloody packed lunches every day, none of it. I do everything a mum should do, and have done for my own kids, but although to my face she is the sweet kid she always was, behind my back she lies and tells stories to her mother about us, which her mother encourages. And it doesnt matter what I say, if her mother says the opposite she is always right and I am always wrong.

However I would not change a minute of it. Whether she knows it or not, SD has had a much better, safer life here with us than she would ever have had at her mothers. And her Dad and I are glad that we were able to give that to her.

Hanky_Panky

What about Step Dads ? We have feelings too

ttc39

Hanky_Panky wrote: »

What about Step Dads ? We have feelings too

so tell us a bit about you and your situation then

Mint1955

Bless you I could have been reading my own life.
No one can know what that scary feeling is and fourteen years on I still hate going to the town where she lives just in case.

Xx

3wisemonks wrote: »

This is an interesting read.

I've been a step parent for 12 years, first 10 absolute hell. This was not the fault of the child but of the mother, a constant reign of terror and abuse including physical

We rarely had a weekend alone and I dreaded every second of child's arrival and departure.

I love my husband dearly but if I knew when I met him what I know now I would have run as fast and as far as I possible could in the opposite direction.

Being a step parent has ruined me, I have lost all confidence, including me being unable to leave the house alone for a number of years due to fear of this bio-mother.

Whilst this attack has all but stopped I am I fear forever destroyed mentally and still struggle everyday with my fears. Just the sound of dhs phone makes me feel ill, my chest goes tight and I can barely breath until I know its not the bio-mother. Because I know at any moment she could start again and we will never be safe

Good luck to you all x

Hanky_Panky

ttc39 wrote: »

so tell us a bit about you and your situation then

I have four 'kids'; two step children (different dads) and two that are both ours. My wife and I have been together for over fourteen years.
Oldest, step son is awesome, known him since he was nine, love him to bits and we get on well. He has moved out and has his own family now although I'm still in denial I'm old enough to have a grandchild.

Next, stepdaughter - an absolute nightmare, almost from day 1 (when she was four!) and it only got worse the older she got. She has absolutely no respect for anyone else or their feelings at all and in my opinion is just a truly horrible person. She had a massive row with my wife about being grounded (she basically disappeared for about four days, not replying to texts and calls) and then stormed out and went to live with her boyfriend rather than accept her punishment, she didn't even accept she had done anything wrong. I almost threw a party as did the youngest two who quite honestly didn't really like her either, but do adore their older brother. Understandably Mum was a bit upset so we did hide our glee. As I mentioned in another post the house is just a lot calmer now - it's almost like we took a large breath.

Mrs HP and I were discussing nature v nurture about her recently. The other three kids are all just great, teachers like them, people comment about how well behaved they are (not always:D) and they just seem well balanced. All four of them have been brought up in exactly the same environment, why is one so different to the rest. It's interesting.

FBaby

Its very difficult. I basically feel that I have given up the last 5 years of my life to make SD's mothers life easier. No school runs for her in all weathers, no dealing with sick child in middle of night, no making bloody packed lunches every day, none of it. I do everything a mum should do, and have done for my own kids

Just picking up on this, seeing it from a mum rather than step-mum and considering my husband's position as a step-dad. Why did you pick up all these duties that ultimately should have fallen under the auspice of your husband to take on? Most kids upon separation live with their mums who take on the role of the parent with care. Surely when it is deemed better for the children that the care should be done by the father, he takes on the same responsibilities?

I would never expect my husband to be a dad, let alone a 'mum' to my kids. I can't imagine asking my husband to do all the school pik-ups, doing their pack lunches, or being the one to stay at home if they were ill. So all I can think is either this is a role that was accepted so therefore can't be complained about, or imposed, in which case, it should have been made clear from the start that this was not acceptable.

Seanymph

Hanky Panky I was a 'nurture' girl until I raised OH's kids - two of the are wicked, one isn't, he's lovely - but I think that there complete lack of morals, and continual theft and lying is inherent from their mothers side of the family.

I now am firmly in the 'nature' camp - they all had the same opportunities, same conditions, same treatment. Two are completely disengaged, and would stare you in the face and lie through their teeth.

It's been hard.

foxymum1977_2

spikyspiky wrote: »

Very interesting read.

Me and hubby been married 3 years together nearly 6. Step daughter aged 9 has lived with us full time for 5 years. My 17 year old daughter also lives with us.

Its very difficult. I basically feel that I have given up the last 5 years of my life to make SD's mothers life easier. No school runs for her in all weathers, no dealing with sick child in middle of night, no making bloody packed lunches every day, none of it. I do everything a mum should do, and have done for my own kids, but although to my face she is the sweet kid she always was, behind my back she lies and tells stories to her mother about us, which her mother encourages. And it doesnt matter what I say, if her mother says the opposite she is always right and I am always wrong.

However I would not change a minute of it. Whether she knows it or not, SD has had a much better, safer life here with us than she would ever have had at her mothers. And her Dad and I are glad that we were able to give that to her.

And one day she will thank you for it as my stepson did to me, she will realise one day who was there for her, all the school plays and parents eve etc as these are all the 'normal' things us parents or step parents do for our kids and they do remember :-)

paidinchickens

Hanky_Panky wrote: »

What about Step Dads ? We have feelings too

Men have feelings?? :rotfl: joking

FBay

My husband was in the forces and was away quite a bit so I had to take on the roll of both parents to my step children. There was no alternative, unless I wanted my Mother in law to stay during his absence :eek::eek:


PiC x

Hanky_Panky

Seanymph wrote: »

Hanky Panky I was a 'nurture' girl until I raised OH's kids - two of the are wicked, one isn't, he's lovely - but I think that there complete lack of morals, and continual theft and lying is inherent from their mothers side of the family.

I now am firmly in the 'nature' camp - they all had the same opportunities, same conditions, same treatment. Two are completely disengaged, and would stare you in the face and lie through their teeth.

It's been hard.

Yep - I can completely relate to that. Almost no conscience or empathy at all.