Step Mothers support club

mica2000

Seanymph wrote: »

mica I think you can offer them the same level of commitment - but I read an article about if a bus was heading for the two kids would she grab her child first - and her honest answer was yes. I think she was telling the truth.

I too would, now, prioritise my children. I didn't, because I didn't want to be SEEN to be prioritising my children, but now I am. They care back, and that makes it much easier.

hi seanymph loving the name lol ....yes ur own flesh n blood comes first ,it is hard as a step parent ul allways defend ur own no matter what this allways causes arguments between parents.

foxymum1977_2

I am a stepmum to a nearly 21 year old and also step nanny to his beautiful soon to be 1 year old son! I have been with his dad for 19 years and brought him up living with us from age 6 to 14 so am practically his mum, his natural mother has died, we also have 3 children together who big brother idolises and vice versa,m
We have had lots of rocky times over the years but are a very happy family, it definitely can have a happy ending with some hard work and love put into being a step parent ��

sedment

Im a stepmum to a 16 year old girl, and have been with her dad for 10 years nearly. Bit different as she stays with her mum and used to come and stay with us every other weekend. But as she has gotten older, she is less interested in visiting us and her brother and sister here with us. Understandably she has school, social life and friends, but I see the hurt when hubby phones to sort out meeting up with her without kids and she phones later to cancel.
She doesnt come to see us at all now, and have tried to get her to come on her terms but she isnt interested, dont want to have to put the foot down either and "make" her come, as it would be worse having her sat here with a face on. So we are leaving it for now. Very sad

esmerelda98

foxymum1977 wrote: »

We have had lots of rocky times over the years but are a very happy family, it definitely can have a happy ending with some hard work and love put into being a step parent ��

It can have a happy ending, but people need to realise that with lots of hard work and lots of love the outcome may still be far from satisfactory. Young women especially can be very idealistic and think that love conquers all. Of course people can struggle with their biological children, but in my experience step-children are more likely to detach emotionally from their step-parent (or never really connect) and this makes the hard work seem all a bit futile when you (sometimes) get very little back.

LaineyR

Step-Mum to 2 boys for the past 9 (through teenage) years, living with us one week here one week at their Mum's.
Hadn't appreciated what hard work it would be, but got some advice from someone in a similar situation and tried to be more of a friend, leaving the parenting to the parents where I could...
By and large it's been OK but hat's off to all those amazing step-parents out there!

ttc39

Great thread idea. been with my hubbie for 4 years, two married. he has two children, a girl 11 nearly 12 and a boy 16 who will be 17 this year..

have always thought i got on well with them both but the last six months the boy has gone off the rails.. doesnt want to come and see us ( was only every other weekend anyhow) and seems to want to do what the hell he likes.

this weekend i told him i wanted him to spend some time with us as a family , eg a sunday lunch now and again , and that i thought it was a vital part of being a family... since received text telling me in no uncertain terms " you are married to my dad, so yes you can call yourself my step mum, but you will never ever be my family"...

funny how a few months ago i was the best thing since sliced bread and how he could talk to me much better than he could his mum.

now it seems even seeing us 4 days a month is too much for him and that we can just deal with it..

turtlemoose

Step mothers - all the downsides of having kids and none of the positives.

Daxx

I have 2 step families and at times I get frustrated but my step parents have never attempted to be my parents. In their opinion I had two parents I didn't need two more.

I now can say that I am very lucky to have to amazing families. Kids may not appreciate that whilst they are younger but as we get older we definitely do!

freshstart11

oook slightly different situation....

my ex husband has 3 kids who I still see, I have my stepdaughters every other weekend even though me and him split 3 years ago (good relationship with both his kids mums)

My fianc! has 2 kids - son who I have spent some time with daughter who met briefly....

From my ex hubbys kids I have a GREAT relationship with them and wouldn't change for the world - they are 12,11 and 10. I have been in lives since youngest was 18months.

It does depend on so so much more though and is so hard at times, more so with fianc!s situation than my exs

3wisemonks

This is an interesting read.

I've been a step parent for 12 years, first 10 absolute hell. This was not the fault of the child but of the mother, a constant reign of terror and abuse including physical

We rarely had a weekend alone and I dreaded every second of child's arrival and departure.

I love my husband dearly but if I knew when I met him what I know now I would have run as fast and as far as I possible could in the opposite direction.

Being a step parent has ruined me, I have lost all confidence, including me being unable to leave the house alone for a number of years due to fear of this bio-mother.

Whilst this attack has all but stopped I am I fear forever destroyed mentally and still struggle everyday with my fears. Just the sound of dhs phone makes me feel ill, my chest goes tight and I can barely breath until I know its not the bio-mother. Because I know at any moment she could start again and we will never be safe

Good luck to you all x