Dilemma

seven-day-weekend

Brighton_belle wrote: »

But don't you think 7dw, that if he is out 3-4 nights a weeks and every Saturday and Sunday participating in his hobbies, that it is not unreasonable for the op to be looking forward to the one weekend they had planned to spend together?

No, it is not unreasonable, but the reunion is a one-off and has to be done that particular weekend. You could have a weekend away any time.

I understand also that the OP can't rearrange the weekend away, so maybe this is where the compromise (on both sides) comes in. They have the weekend away, but he goes to his reunion (that's her compromising) and comes away in time to have dinner with his wife (that's him compromising). And he is responsible for getting himself there and back.

Or cancel altogether if you can and go another time.

I personally wouldn't want to go on a weekend if it was full of resentment from one party or the other.

poet123

Plans have to be fluid sometimes, life intervenes, and it often happens that two events clash. It is a simple weekend away not a wedding or other family event. It could easily be sorted out so that they can combine the two. It does require compromise though.

view

The point that I think most folk are missing... is

He said he is going, not what do you think, could we possibly combine?

He expects her to drive him there and back

When she said, like most folk would I imagine, er, what about our weekend I've planned and we're looking forward to for ages instead of saying, oh yes, sorry honey I would really like to go but I do understand you've planned this for ages and are really looking forward to spending the weekend with me... he

He throws the toys out and makes her feel awful.

Yes we need to be fluid in life, things come from left field and it's usually better to try and go with it then fight the tide.

This thread is not someone moaning that their weekend is not going ahead.

This is a selfish man who spends 4 nights out a week doing what they want and all day Saturday and Sunday. This man now knows how important this weekend was to OP and instead of realising and going down the let's compromise route (nothing wrong with that by the way) he spits the dummy.

Sorry, no offence meant to OP at all. Just the way I see it.

OP, don't cancel the weekend. Go with your daughter. Do what you want to do. Go walking, shopping, have a coffee, enjoy a cake, a glass of wine. Go window shopping.... it sounds very much like you deserve it.

Your husband does things he wants to do 4 nights a week and all weekend....

what do you do for yourself?

FatVonD

Nobody is missing the point at all, he may expect her to drive him there but that doesn't mean she has to do it.

FatVonD

And really, does he expect her to act as his chauffeur or has he said 'you could come along and go to visit x,y and z while I'm there'?

view

FatVonD wrote: »

Nobody is missing the point at all, he may expect her to drive him there but that doesn't mean she has to do it.

that's not the point of this whole story.

jaylee3

hazyjo wrote: »

Sorry to hear things have spiralled out of control. Will probably get bashed for this(!) but are you sure there's nobody else? The only time my ex started saying negative things to/about me was when he was seeing someone else. Has any of his behaviour changed recently (especially around his phone)? Sorry to jump to conclusions, but, from my experience, there's usually a 'reason' why someone suddenly goes off their partner or finds them 'boring'.

Also, when people have a go at you about something personal, it's often their own insecurities they shout at you. He probably does feel he's negative, etc - not you.

Jx

This went through my mind too.

This man sounds like one of the most selfish, small-minded, immature, self-absorbed, arrogant people I have ever heard of. The OP is worth WAY more than this.

Do you really love him Liz? If not, I would walk. Seriously. From your post (number 57,) it sounds like he is blaming you for anything and everything that is wrong in your marriage, and that he doesn't even like you much anymore!

jaylee3

I also think it's a bit funny that she can't go to his 'reunion.'

terra_ferma

In my opinion there is a basic flaw in the relationship, if it was me I would know that I could count on my OH to keep to our plans (spend a few hour at the reunion and then spend the evening together). So I'm be more than happy to compromise.

The real problem is feeling that you cannot count on him to keep his word and to take into account your feelings (based on your perception, right or wrong), and instead you end up up blaming each other for the fiasco.

FatVonD

The OP hasn't (despite being asked for clarification) told us whether the reunion is in the town they currently live in or one they previously lived in.

If they live, say, in London but originally come from Liverpool and are spending the weekend in Manchester then I don't think it's unreasonable for the OP's husband to want to travel the extra hour further while they are in that neck of the woods and might also make sense of why he's suggested she could visit relatives while he's there.

It makes the OP's husband sound a whole lot more reasonable than if he were preparing to travel back to the town they just left but I don't think she's going to tell us.