Dilemma

view

I'm sorry to say, and I'm not judging as I don't know your husband. However, reading your post the only conclusion that is an incredibly selfish thing for your husband to do.

Take a step back and think about this

He 'decided' he was going to do this - selfish

You have to drop him off and collect him - selfish

Half of your special weekend together will now be without him - selfish selfish selfish

Fair enough if he discussed it with you, perhaps you may be ok with him spending some time doing this. IF he had discussed how this would make you feel.

However he didn't. Disrespect to you and your feelings.

Tell him how you feel. My OH would never in a million years do this and I would not do it to him.

He is trying to blackmail your feelings now acting like a spoilt child 'you're boring, you don't let me do what I want'.

Sorry..is he 12?

You don't really believe this do you, it's him knowing he did wrong and using every trick in the book to turn things around to now being your fault. Seriously this makes me furious for you !

You are not at fault here. Him backtracking when you challenged it speaks volumes.

It sounds like he may have tried this before. I really hope you're able to see the wood for the trees. You are not in the wrong here.

Being out of the house so much doing what he wants when he wants is not thinking of the other person. I'm not saying this is wrong, if it's something both people are happy with. It just sounds like you're not ecstatic about this. I would not be either. 3 to 4 nights a week plus all day Saturday and Sunday? Get a grip mate! He's living a single life with a few homely benefits.

Sounds very much like he's never properly grown up and doesn't give others much thought, is that the case?

Is this one of the first time you've challenged this? If not, how did he react before.

May I just reiterate. You planned a weekend with him for a long time. He agreed. You were excited about this weekend away and spending time with him. He's the one who suddenly decided selfishly to go off and do something else that didn't involve you with no thought to your feelings.

May I reiterate You are not in the wrong.

Mojisola

Liz19 wrote: »

My husband has now said we are poles apart and I am negative and boring and try to stop him doing things that he wants to do.

I have said (in the heat of the argument) that if he feels like that he should move out where he can do whatever he likes when he likes but he started backtracking and saying we could sort things ourselves but also asked me if I wanted a divorce.

Friends and family have always said that they don't know how I put up with him taking so much time for his hobbies and activities. He is out three or four nights a week at a sports club and also spends about four hours on a Saturday and Sunday pursuing hobbies.

Have you asked him why he stays with you if he finds you so negative and boring?

If he's not willing to go to counselling, what does he mean by "sorting things out"?

Are you anything more to him than a housekeeper with bedroom benefits who keeps things organised at home while he spends time on his hobbies? Does he love you, support you, do anything for you, ever put you first, make you feel special?

Georgiegirl256

view wrote: »

I'm sorry to say, and I'm not judging as I don't know your husband. However, reading your post the only conclusion that is an incredibly selfish thing for your husband to do.

Take a step back and think about this

He 'decided' he was going to do this - selfish

You have to drop him off and collect him - selfish

Half of your special weekend together will now be without him - selfish selfish selfish

Fair enough if he discussed it with you, perhaps you may be ok with him spending some time doing this. IF he had discussed how this would make you feel.

However he didn't. Disrespect to you and your feelings.

Tell him how you feel. My OH would never in a million years do this and I would not do it to him.

He is trying to blackmail your feelings now acting like a spoilt child 'you're boring, you don't let me do what I want'.

Sorry..is he 12?

You don't really believe this do you, it's him knowing he did wrong and using every trick in the book to turn things around to now being your fault. Seriously this makes me furious for you !

You are not at fault here. Him backtracking when you challenged it speaks volumes.

It sounds like he may have tried this before. I really hope you're able to see the wood for the trees. You are not in the wrong here.

Being out of the house so much doing what he wants when he wants is not thinking of the other person. I'm not saying this is wrong, if it's something both people are happy with. It just sounds like you're not ecstatic about this.

Sounds very much like he's never properly grown up and doesn't give others much thought, is that the case?

Is this one of the first time you've challenged this? If not, how did he react before.

May I just reiterate. You planned a weekend with him for a long time. He agreed. You were excited about this weekend away and spending time with him. He's the one who suddenly decided selfishly to go off and do something else that didn't involve you with no thought to your feelings.

May I reiterate You are not in the wrong.

Exactly! Such a well written post. You've hit the nail on the head there, he is acting like a spoiled brat, and that was my first thought too after reading the update....he's acting like a kid. 'Wah, Wah, you spoil all my fun, you're boring, you no fun anymore!' *sticks bottom lip out*

OP, I would be telling him that if he feels like that, "time apart is what we need, so you go to your reunion, and I'll go to the hotel on my own/with daughter/with friend" (delete as appropriate) I don't think I could face going away with him after that, he's totally spoilt it with his petulant ways.

view

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

OP, I would be telling him that if he feels like that, "time apart is what we need, so you go to your reunion, and I'll go to the hotel on my own/with daughter/with friend" (delete as appropriate) I don't think I could face going away with him after that, he's totally spoilt it with his petulant ways.

This is a great idea. Take some time apart to have a think. Yes it's upsetting however hopefully you can really investigate how you feel and what is really going on here.

Perhaps the answer will be, yes, you are happy with the way things are. Fair enough, it's your life you do what makes you happy.

Can I just gently ask, are you happy?

*Louise*

I was getting ready to comment then read the update, sorry to read it has got so bad Liz

Have to say I agree with every point 'view' made above.

He is obviously used to getting his own way and you just go along with things but this time you have stuck up for yourself and he doesn't like it, therefore is trying to blame you.

Personally I would have seen no issue with him going to the reunion, assuming it wasn't his family you were both there to see but I think things that affect two people should be discussed and compromised before a decision is made. Some men see that as having to 'ask for permission' and resent it, and it can be difficult to make them see that if you are in a couple you have to give and take with the other person.

What do YOU want to happen from here on?

justme111

Let me guess for Liz , she wants to leavebwith him and him being nice to her.

seven-day-weekend

It is a shame a compromise can't be reached . I agree he should have run it past his wife first but I still don't see anything wrong with him going for a few hours. I can also see why he is annoyed that she suggested taking the daughter.

Brighton_belle

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

It is a shame a compromise can't be reached . I agree he should have run it past his wife first but I still don't see anything wrong with him going for a few hours. I can also see why he is annoyed that she suggested taking the daughter.

But don't you think 7dw, that if he is out 3-4 nights a weeks and every Saturday and Sunday participating in his hobbies, that it is not unreasonable for the op to be looking forward to the one weekend they had planned to spend together?

paulineb_2

Sounds like theres way more going on than this issue with the weekend.
He gets doing all the hobbies he likes, but youve to change or its divorce.

Sounds utterly miserable.

pawsies

Well if he was forced to go on the weekend away is he just going to mope about how he could be at the reunion?

I know you can't rebook but I would cancel it. Not worth the stress.