Dilemma

Gavin83

Liz19 wrote: »

I think you are right. I am already resigned to the fact that he will go to the reunion and yes it is purely a man thing. I am just miffed because this sort of thing has come up before and the outcome is usually the same. I did suggest that he go and I take our daughter to the hotel for a girls break but he thought I was just being petty and trying to make a point. Thanks everyone for your comments if nothing else I did get to vent a bit.

Just ignore the most important question then. What plans did you have for the Saturday?

Mojisola

Liz19 wrote: »

I think you are right. I am already resigned to the fact that he will go to the reunion and yes it is purely a man thing. I am just miffed because this sort of thing has come up before and the outcome is usually the same.

I did suggest that he go and I take our daughter to the hotel for a girls break but he thought I was just being petty and trying to make a point. Thanks everyone for your comments if nothing else I did get to vent a bit.

It's no wonder this isn't the first time it's happened if he always gets his own way in the end.

Either do everything his way so that he isn't upset or make alternative arrangements with your daughter and leave him to find his own way to the reunion.

Then, next time, he'll realise he has to discuss it with you before deciding that his (singular) plans are more important that your (joint) plans.

Person_one

I think its important to know how regular/important to him the reunion is. If its every quarter with people he sees and speaks to a lot, he should stick with his original commitment to the OP.

If its say, every 5 years, and it would be a rare opportunity to catch up with people he misses, then I think the OP needs to 'man up' a bit herself and he should go.

I know I wouldn't be particularly impressed if I really wanted to go to something that was important to me and my partner tried to put their foot down and tell me I wasn't allowed! Isn't part of being in a relationship learning to compromise on stuff like this and give way a bit for the other person's sake sometimes?

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

I know I wouldn't be particularly impressed if I really wanted to go to something that was important to me and my partner tried to put their foot down and tell me I wasn't allowed!

Isn't part of being in a relationship learning to compromise on stuff like this and give way a bit for the other person's sake sometimes?

But he won't compromise with Liz19's suggestion that she and her daughter use the hotel for the weekend while he goes to the reunion - it's got to be everything he wants or he's going to sulk.

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

I know I wouldn't be particularly impressed if I really wanted to go to something that was important to me and my partner tried to put their foot down and tell me I wasn't allowed! Isn't part of being in a relationship learning to compromise on stuff like this and give way a bit for the other person's sake sometimes?

I wouldn't be impressed either if my husband out his foot down and told me I wasn't allowed to do something, but this is somewhat different in that this weekend has been planned for months. Yes, you've got to compromise on things in a relationship, but that works both ways.

Liz19

Thanks everyone for your comments. Unfortunately the weekend is the least of my worries now. My husband has now said we are poles apart and I am negative and boring and try to stop him doing things that he wants to do. We have argued and also stopped talking since yesterday afternoon. I am so upset. He has said if I change things will be fine. I have asked him if he wanted to go to counselling but he doesn't. I have said (in the heat of the argument) that if he feels like that he should move out where he can do whatever he likes when he likes but he started backtracking and saying we could sort things ourselves but also asked me if I wanted a divorce. We are barely speaking this morning and I just don't know what to do next. I am so hurt that he finds me negative as I have always been such a positive person whereas he would admit to being pessimistic and negative himself previously and is known in our family for being like this. I also don't know what he means that I try to stop him doing what he wants and he hasn't explained. I really don't and have always thought I was very understanding. Friends and family have always said that they don't know how I put up with him taking so much time for his hobbies and activities. He is out three or four nights a week at a sports club and also spends about four hours on a Saturday and Sunday pursuing hobbies. I am not saying I am perfect far from it. Anyway sorry for going on. I just don't know what to do.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

But he won't compromise with Liz19's suggestion that she and her daughter use the hotel for the weekend while he goes to the reunion - it's got to be everything he wants or he's going to sulk.

I think the first part of my post, the bit you didn't quote, was actually quite important. I didn't write the second part in isolation.

justme111

Haha show me any male who said yes to a suggestion of a therapy. Wishing you to manage it successfully x

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

I think the first part of my post, the bit you didn't quote, was actually quite important. I didn't write the second part in isolation.

But it doesn't change my opinion -
they have had a weekend away planned for months,
now he has had a recent invite to a reunion,
what's the options?

He misses the reunion and they carry on with their plans;
he goes to the reunion, Liz19 stays at home and they lose the money paid out to the hotel;
they go to the hotel but he gets driven to the reunion, left there to have a great time with his friends while Liz19 finds something to do until he wants to be picked up again so most of Saturday is lost (and possibly Sunday if he has a hangover);
he goes to the reunion while Liz19 and her daughter enjoy a weekend away in the hotel.

It doesn't really matter whether the reunion happens every six months or once in blue moon - there is an option where both of them can have a nice weekend but he's having a strop about that suggestion.

Mojisola

Liz19 wrote: »

He has said if I change things will be fine.

Friends and family have always said that they don't know how I put up with him taking so much time for his hobbies and activities. He is out three or four nights a week at a sports club and also spends about four hours on a Saturday and Sunday pursuing hobbies.

I just don't know what to do.

Of course everything will be fine if you change because then he will be getting his own way all the time instead of just most of the time!

It sounds as if this has brought everything to a head - do you want to spend the rest of your life being second-best to his other interests?