Dilemma

Kayalana99

Mojisola wrote: »

It doesn't really matter whether the reunion happens every six months or once in blue moon - there is an option where both of them can have a nice weekend but he's having a strop about that suggestion.

You mean about her taking her Daughter? As liz said he thinks that is her being petty - personally I think it is to.

I agree with you Liz - about him going with you to the hotel - but to turn round and say 'I'll take my daughter then' when he will be back their Sat evening though till Sunday - you have to agree that it's done to make a point. (Although a valid one! :rotfl:)

OP wouldn't have a good weekend - she would be still fuming over the fact her husband has chosen to go somewhere else instead of their plans months in advance.

Mojisola

Kayalana99 wrote: »

You mean about her taking her Daughter? As liz said he thinks that is her being petty - personally I think it is to.

I agree with you Liz - about him going with you to the hotel - but to turn round and say 'I'll take my daughter then' when he will be back their Sat evening though till Sunday - you have to agree that it's done to make a point. (Although a valid one! :rotfl:)

OP wouldn't have a good weekend - she would be still fuming over the fact her husband has chosen to go somewhere else instead of their plans months in advance.

The hotel isn't in the same town as the reunion - why is it petty to suggest that he goes to the reunion and Liz19 and her daughter have a weekend away together?

Kayalana99

Liz19 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your comments. Unfortunately the weekend is the least of my worries now. My husband has now said we are poles apart and I am negative and boring and try to stop him doing things that he wants to do. We have argued and also stopped talking since yesterday afternoon. I am so upset. He has said if I change things will be fine. I have asked him if he wanted to go to counselling but he doesn't. I have said (in the heat of the argument) that if he feels like that he should move out where he can do whatever he likes when he likes but he started backtracking and saying we could sort things ourselves but also asked me if I wanted a divorce. We are barely speaking this morning and I just don't know what to do next. I am so hurt that he finds me negative as I have always been such a positive person whereas he would admit to being pessimistic and negative himself previously and is known in our family for being like this. I also don't know what he means that I try to stop him doing what he wants and he hasn't explained. I really don't and have always thought I was very understanding. Friends and family have always said that they don't know how I put up with him taking so much time for his hobbies and activities. He is out three or four nights a week at a sports club and also spends about four hours on a Saturday and Sunday pursuing hobbies. I am not saying I am perfect far from it. Anyway sorry for going on. I just don't know what to do.

I feel for you Liz, but you shouldn't have to change for anyone. I would be really upset if my OH was out 3/4 nights a week and didn't want to spend the weekend with me but thats us - we've always been a bit 'do everything together' but if your happy with your relationship that way don't worry what others are doing - if your not then don't stay in a relationship 'just cause'

Your both angry right now - it will calm down and things will be OK as long as that's what you want.

Kayalana99

Mojisola wrote: »

The hotel isn't in the same town as the reunion - why is it petty to suggest that he goes to the reunion and Liz19 and her daughter have a weekend away together?

It's possible for it to be either - it's either done in spite so that if he goes to the reunion that she is saying Ok I will go with my daughter then so you can't go...

Or she could genuinely just be wanting to take her daughter.

I personally am assuming the first as with them fighting I am guessing she didn't say 'do you mind if I take our daughter instead?' in a genuine tone.

Mojisola

Kayalana99 wrote: »

It's possible for it to be either - it's either done in spite so that if he goes to the reunion that she is saying Ok I will go with my daughter then so you can't go...

Or she could genuinely just be wanting to take her daughter.

I personally am assuming the first as with them fighting I am guessing she didn't say 'do you mind if I take our daughter instead?' in a genuine tone.

Liz and her daughter using the hotel isn't going to stop him going to the reunion.

As all this started because he didn't say "Do you mind if I go to the reunion", I'm not sure why Liz should be be asking his permission to go with her daughter.

FatVonD

Mojisola wrote: »

He misses the reunion and they carry on with their plans;

he goes to the reunion, Liz19 stays at home and they lose the money paid out to the hotel;

they go to the hotel but he gets driven to the reunion, left there to have a great time with his friends while Liz19 finds something to do until he wants to be picked up again so most of Saturday is lost (and possibly Sunday if he has a hangover);

he goes to the reunion while Liz19 and her daughter enjoy a weekend away in the hotel.

There is option 5; they go to the hotel and he gets himself to and from the reunion himself so the OP can do something nicer than ferrying him around/visiting relatives.

Kayalana99

Mojisola wrote: »

Liz and her daughter using the hotel isn't going to stop him going to the reunion.

As all this started because he didn't say "Do you mind if I go to the reunion", I'm not sure why Liz should be be asking his permission to go with her daughter.

Your missing the point, I agree that he is in the wrong but that doesn't change what I said in my last post. I still think she is only suggesting taking her daughter in spite as this weekend obviously meant a lot to her and she wants/wanted to go with her husband as planned but as above - it could be either.

Mojisola

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Your missing the point, I agree that he is in the wrong but that doesn't change what I said in my last post. I still think she is only suggesting taking her daughter in spite as this weekend obviously meant a lot to her and she wants/wanted to go with her husband as planned but as above - it could be either.

I'm sure where you're getting that from - what has she posted that made you think she was acting in spite?

Kayalana99

Mojisola wrote: »

I'm sure where you're getting that from - what has she posted that made you think she was acting in spite?

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I personally am assuming the first as with them fighting I am guessing she didn't say 'do you mind if I take our daughter instead?' in a genuine tone.

I'm sure I've already answered this...

I'm not insisting I am right - I am just being open minded as I have had my fair fights and I know a lot can be said in the heat of the moment.

hazyjo

Sorry to hear things have spiralled out of control. Will probably get bashed for this(!) but are you sure there's nobody else? The only time my ex started saying negative things to/about me was when he was seeing someone else. Has any of his behaviour changed recently (especially around his phone)? Sorry to jump to conclusions, but, from my experience, there's usually a 'reason' why someone suddenly goes off their partner or finds them 'boring'.

Also, when people have a go at you about something personal, it's often their own insecurities they shout at you. He probably does feel he's negative, etc - not you.

Jx