Dilemma

Liz19

My husband and I are due to go away for the weekend in two weeks. This weekend has been booked for months. He has just recently been invited to a sports club reunion in our hometown on the same weekend. He wants to combine the weekend and the reunion since they are only an hours drive apart. He actually hasn't discussed it with me he just said he was going to the reunion. We have just had a big row about it as it will mean me spending the Saturday dropping him off at the reunion and hanging about visiting relatives for hours. He says he will be finished by 7pm and we can go back to the hotel. I know, with the best will in the world, that it s unlikely he won't want to stay longer or that he will be the worse for wear anyway by then and we won't be able to enjoy our evening. The hotel booking cannot be changed. I was so looking forward to the weekend as we don't manage to get away very often. Am I just being selfish? I don't know how to resolve it and just feel that the weekend is going to be spoilt. Any advice please?

peachyprice

No, I don't think you are being selfish at all. You have plans, plans you've been looking forward to, plans that were made some time ago. I would be mighty pee'd off too if my husband then said he'd double booked himself on our weekend away.

In fact I would be so pee'd off I'd tell him to forget it and go with a friend or my Mum instead.

Georgiegirl256

I don't think you are being selfish either. For him to arrange something else on your weekend away which has been organised and looked forward to for months is IMO disrespectful to you.

I wouldn't be happy, and would be tempted to tell him that if he goes to that event, then he goes on his own, as it's not fair on you. First off though I'd sit him down and explain my point of view, and if he's got anything about him, then he'll listen and understand where you are coming from, if he doesn't, then he's the selfish one not you.

pinkshoes

Tell him he will have to decline the sports reunion as he already has plans.

I presume you don't go away frequently for the weekend?

I'd be furious if my husband suggested the same ( he wouldn't dare!). Tell him to choose one or the other, and if he chooses the sports reunion, then you are going on your own to the hotel and will be running up a huge bill on luxury treatments etc...

CH27

How selfish of him to ruin your planned weekend away. I'd be furious.

Liz19

Thanks for the support. I just feel really miserable because we have just had a massive row about it and he isn't considering my feelings at all. He has just gone all cold and huffy and said I am the one being silly about it. We don't go away often and it hardly seems worth going to the hotel at all if he wants to go to the reunion as we may as well just go and stay with relatives. He sees it as it only taking up a few hours on the Saturday but, due to the travel and the fact that the reunion starts at 3pm, it will end up taking most of the day. I feel bad that the reunion is on the same weekend as I know he would love it but I wish he would prioritise our plans.

Soleil_lune

Agree with everyone else here Liz. You are not being unreasonable. Unfortunately, this is the kind of thing that some men tend to do, (if only occasionally,) and they think it's OK, because they are 'meeting you halfway.'

I put off a meeting that I go to monthly with a hobby group I have, to go to the pub for the night with my hubby and a friend and her hubby. This one night (16th Feb) was the ONLY night my friend's hubby could make it (without waiting another 2-3 weeks,) because of odd working patterns.

About an hour before, my friend rang to see if we were still going, and I said yes. She then said 'Dave isn't coming, as he's going to a meeting, but he may be along around 9 or 9.30.' (We were meeting at 7, and would probably be ready to go home by then anyway!) I said, 'well what meeting?' and it turned out that he and 2 mates from work were trying to get a mans friendship group going, that could meet monthly for a chat and a catch-up. So I had put off 'my' monthly hobby group to suit his arrangements and needs, and he buggared off somewhere else with an hours notice. I told my friend that we would go another time. She said 'oh but *I* can still come. But I was so annoyed at what he did, that I said, 'nah, we will rearrange.'

My hubby has also done the kind of thing your hubby is doing in the past Liz. Not for a good few years though, but he did things like this several times. One time, we had a weekend planned, as we hadn't had one together for ages, and I booked a hotel for 2 nights and a meal in a restaurant, and was really looking forward to it, and he chose to work overtime. He said, 'we can go for the second night,' or some guff like that. I just cancelled it all.

I have friends whose hubbys have done stuff like this too. Like I said, I believe it's a man thing. They really don't realise how inconsiderate they're being. They don't have the same emotional intelligence as women.

Soleil_lune

Liz19 wrote: »

Thanks for the support. I just feel really miserable because we have just had a massive row about it and he isn't considering my feelings at all. He has just gone all cold and huffy and said I am the one being silly about it. We don't go away often and it hardly seems worth going to the hotel at all if he wants to go to the reunion as we may as well just go and stay with relatives. He sees it as it only taking up a few hours on the Saturday but, due to the travel and the fact that the reunion starts at 3pm, it will end up taking most of the day. I feel bad that the reunion is on the same weekend as I know he would love it but I wish he would prioritise our plans.

Hmmmmm, again, typical 'man behaviour.' (I am fully aware that I am man-bashing BTW, but it's true.)

They do something wrong, upset YOU, and then try and turn it around as if YOU are the one in the wrong, and it's somehow all YOUR fault. These days, my hubby is very mellow and chilled, but up to about 10 years ago, he had a habit of being very passive aggressive when I called him out on unreasonable behaviour (which is what this is,) and he would somehow turn it around to make it appear as if it was ME who was to blame for the disharmony and bad feeling.

Doesn't happen anymore thankfully. But I really feel for you. If this were me, I would just cancel the whole plan for the two of you. It's unbelievable that he is trying to somehow make YOU feel bad for it!

Is there no way, you can call the hotel, and change the date?

You shouldn't have to., but.....why should YOU suffer? I would cancel it, make him feel like sh-t, and then rearrange.

Good luck.

tea_lover

He's being completely selfish and out of order, and he knows it, which is why he's having a go at you for being 'unreasonable'.

Soleil_lune

tea_lover wrote: »

He's being completely selfish and out of order, and he knows it, which is why he's having a go at you for being 'unreasonable'.

This ^^^ He is now trying to make YOU feel bad, and trying to make out YOU are in the wrong, because HE is 'meeting you halfway' by going to the reunion, and also still making YOU happy by coming back for the evening. (This is how it is in his head, and he cannot fathom why you're p1ssed off...)

He literally cannot see he is in the wrong. You have a battle on your hands here. Good luck hun. Like I said, if it were me, I would cancel our plans and say 'go to your f00king reunion then!' That (IMO) would place the blame for the ruined weekend, firmly at his feet. He will owe you one then.

burnoutbabe

It sounds like you would be visiting your relatives at the same time? Are they your relatives or his? If its your relatives he probably thinks its fine for him to do something else at the same time, rather than also visit them.