Wife having an affair & so I need a divorce

CHR15

As the bloke, unfortunately you are over a barrel. They won't even have the decency to use a bit of Lube whilst you are being seen to!!

Similar thing happened to me, I uncovered her affair, confronted her.... she went MAD at ME (!!!!!!??) and threw me out as I snooped so could never be trusted again. 15yrs of marriage down the swanny!

She has the kids, the house all the contents. I ended up with a change of clothes.

Housing authority have refused me any help to find somewhere to live unless there is a Court Order preventing me from re-entering the marital home (perhaps they expect me to go and punch her square in the face so I can get a home!!!)

I stand to lose circa 70% of my pension and gratuity payout after already losing EVERYTHING I ever worked for.

Between the decree nisi and decree absolute I can be ordered to pay HER legal fees as well as mine as she doesn't qualify for legal aid (until the decree absolute we are still a couple.... her debt=my debt!)

If you are a woman, life is great, never work, marry, kids, obtain house, save husbands money and have affairs, safe in the knowledge everything is yours if you get found out.

You need to keep the peace for the sake of the kids, lay there and be shafted or the kids will suffer.
There is FAR too much against you as a man to gain any small victories or successes

Turn your back on the past, just start again from zero (if you are lucky enough to end up with nothing!!) but look at your relationship with the kids, they are all that count in the long run.

The Law is an !!!

/rant

Kimitatsu

CHR15 wrote: »

If you are a woman, life is great, never work, marry, kids, obtain house, save husbands money and have affairs, safe in the knowledge everything is yours if you get found out.

You need to keep the peace for the sake of the kids, lay there and be shafted or the kids will suffer.
There is FAR too much against you as a man to gain any small victories or successes

Turn your back on the past, just start again from zero (if you are lucky enough to end up with nothing!!) but look at your relationship with the kids, they are all that count in the long run.

The Law is an !!!

/rant

Whilst I agree that the law is unfair to BOTH sides, please look at it from most womens point of view.

If you are a woman you are less likely to be paid the same amount as a man in an equal job

Until recently your pension was paid to your husband as part of a married couples allowance

Until recently all of your pension contributions could only be classed if you had worked a certain number of years, if you spent time at home these were not classed as pensionable contributions

If you take time off work to have a family it is very difficult to get back onto the career ladder at the same place as many copmpanies seem to think you are unreliable.

The majority of the childcare is still taken by women

Women still do on average more housework than men in a year, whilst looking after the children, holding down a career and taking care of the family.

More women of pensionable age live below the poverty line than men.

I could go on but I think you get the gist! Whilst I feel sorry for you, I think you should take expert legal advice because from the sound of it you are being taken for a ride! Not all women are like your ex and I can appreciate that right now you feel bitter, but things will get better.

CHR15

I know where you are coming from, I do have a rant every so often, lets off a little steam.

I have taken riduculously expensive legal advice (long story) and still end up with nothing.

I just think it is totally unfair. I left with NOTHING (apart form the credit card debts) but that is nowhere near enough. Law decides I should never live a reasonable life as she deserves so much more than I should ever have.

I reckon there are more pensioner women below the poverty line simply because blokes are all 6 feet under by then.

Kimitatsu

CHR15 wrote: »

I know where you are coming from, I do have a rant every so often, lets off a little steam.

Thats ok - been there and bought the t-shirt SO many times!

I reckon there are more pensioner women below the poverty line simply because blokes are all 6 feet under by then.

But at least they are not being nagged :rotfl:

Muppet_Mum_2

Once this bloke has her to himself he ll get bored and go on to the next...2 months is nothing and she is one very silly women .... She has not only cheated on you but her Daughter ...... Selfish and irresponable to say the least ......

I hope you can get through this and just be there for your daughter ....

wolfie68

Hi raaaa,
just going through the exact same thing!
found out my wife was having an affair last november.
married for 12 years 4 kids was totally gutted and still have the odd bad day
had to live under the same roof with here for three months till she moved out into rented accomodation have subsiquently sold the house.

my advice to you is this.
you will feel a lot better once your not under the same roof (but dont move out till the house is sold)
keep your relationship civil with your wife you will get a much bettery deal if you do because when it comes to this kind of thing the odds are welll stacked against the farther regardless of who is at fault it is.
a fifty fifty split is a great deal trust me if you can get that you have done very well.
you wont get joint custody and tbh its probably not good for your child.
dont start throwing mony at lawyers if you dont have to we managed to do it without them, but i guess it depends on your relationship.
dont devorce here, let her divorce you and save yourself a grand or so.
but most importantly be there for your child and do whats best for them
even if you have to grit your teath sometimes to avoid a sceen

oh and ask your self this question, have you done enough to save your marriage? i know this probably sounds mad but you dont want to wake up in 9 months time thinking you diden't, i mean is there any chance of reconcilliation? would recomend you sat down with your wife and watched the dvd called 60 miniute marriage by rob parsons it really is worth a go it dident work out for me and my ex but it is very good and you never know.

good luck.
ps try not to get bitter.

wolfie68

sorry double post

barnaby69

Be aware that equal shared custody can be a mare for a child, they dont know if they are coming or going half the time, its hard to let go at first, but having been a sole carer, a shared custody carer and now a weekend dad I can safely say that shared custody is best for the parents and !!!!!! for the kids.

cazziebo

I would have got a hitman for my ex 14 years ago when he left me with two kids under three for a girl he worked with. And I don't think that's a joke.

However, it is worth swallowing the hurt and trying hard to keep the relationship amicable. My two girls adore their dad now (okay they treat him as a bit of a bank, but I think that's a bit universal for all teenagers? And as I tell him, it's his fault, he gives in! No doesn't hurt sometimes). They have a great relationship with him, they see a lot of him and his wife, happy well adjusted children. My point is that if you handle it right then children don't have to come out bad. (And I'm not saying for a second I did always handle it right).

Two other bits of advice already given I'd highlight - sort out the joint finances NOW. Guilt means people start off with the best of intentions, but if they are seriously (if unbelievably!) thinking about getting married then the costs will make them think again about not trying to grab as much as they can.

Second - keep cool. Don't ever lose it because it can be ammunition. (it shocks me how much woman can demonise the partners they used to love just to justify their actions)

You're doing the right thing, and I really admire you for focussing your attention on your daughter.

good luck and lots of hugs! You sound a great dad, your little girl is lucky.

Cazzie
x

PS Kimitatsu - very very well said!

southwester_2

Hi Raaa

Ive just found this post and not sure if you have read mine on DFW under WORST TIME OF MY LIFE.

I found out 12th May this year that my wife had been having an affair for 6 months, I was livid, told her it was over and went through all the emotions you have gone through. It is obviously not the same in your case but we are trying to work it out, not easy believe me but things are improving. i am not here to say you do that but if you want to talk about anything, pm me, emotions, images etc etc. I still may be in your shoes in the future but we are trying, and I will be coming to you for advice but hang in there buddy, it is a bloody awful time, hence the title of my thread. I also have a 10yr old boy who dotes on us both, this is a factor, but I am not trying to make it work because of him, that wouldn't be right, I like you will always be there for him.

Take care and look after yourself!