Wife having an affair & so I need a divorce

sylphraven

((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))
Well done, you have kept your temper & are talking to your wife, this is the best thing you can do for your daughter. She is young enough to cope with the split up, but not with the squabbles & back stabbing that frequently happens in divorces.

I agree with the other posts that say get a solicitor asap, you need to know where you stand for your own sanity, & to be prepared for all eventualities.

As for this "new Dad", I wouldnt worry too much, if he doesnt last too long your daughter will forget about him, & you'll always be her Daddy as long as your always there for her, & it sounds like you will be.

No, not all women are like her, I for one cant stand people who cheat & believe I would never do it.

I hope you find happiness.

ailuro2

Only practical advice is to take photocopies of all the bank statements, mortgage balances,credit card bills etc, so you have a snapshot of where things stood when you parted.

Sorry to hear of your situation- it's awful for everyone concerned-even your wife must feel terrible about what she is putting your daughter through. I'm disgusted she brought her new man under your roof though- that's just horrid.:mad:

mkbean

First rule of divorce: Do not move out of the house

Second rule of divorce: DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE

It sounds like a 50/50 shared custody arrangement can be worked out between you, this should result in a 50/50 split of everything.

I went through the same thing in January and i love having my Son half the time and having my freedom the rest....

hobo28

raaaaa wrote: »

1. would her adultery enable me to claim more than a 50% share in the joint assets?

No, having an affair nowadays counts pretty much for nothing in courts. The fact you have a young daughter is likley to mean you end up with much less than 50% if she retains residence. A solicitor is your best and only bet for advice. Don't rely upon what ppl say here.

raaaaa wrote: »

2. are there any dirty tricks that she may pull on me that i need to be aware of - any do's & dont's?

Yes loads. No matter what happens, never ever lose your temper. This is easier said than done but if you do, you will open yourself up to accusations that she doesn't feel safe in the home, your not a fit father etc. etc. NEVER EVER lose your temper and keep a diary of events.

raaaaa wrote: »

3. has anyone got any experiences of breaking this kind of news to a 4 and a half year old child & have you got any advice you could share?

Only that it will be hard at first but it will get better. If done correctly with reassurance from both parents then your daughter at her age will eventually just accept it as just another thing in life she has to learn. But don't for a minute think it will be easy for her.

raaaaa wrote: »

4. can i legally prevent the other bloke from having contact with my daughter (at least until it's clear that their relationship is more established - the fact that their relationship started off with both off them cheating on their respective partners, and that they've only been together for 3 months, suggests to me that there's every chance their relationship is not going to last. and so i don't want my daughter to see him as any kind of step-father figure, not yet anyway.)

Unless he is violent and/or is a peado then no. Whilst your daughter is in your ex's care, she is able to associate with whom she likes and delegate parental duties to. Just in the same way as she cannot demand you don't introduce your daughter to your future GF's.


As MKBean says, if you have any doubts about future arrangements for your daughter, stay in the house. Dig yourself in!!! You lose a lot of rights if you leave.

As for fighting for residence, its easier now for a man but still the odds are heavily stacked against you. Your best bet (and cheapest) really is to agree a shared arrangement with your ex.

Good luck

chris30_2

First rule of divorce: Do not move out of the houseSecond rule of divorce: DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSEIt sounds like a 50/50 shared custody arrangement can be worked out between you, this should result in a 50/50 split of everything.I went through the same thing in January and i love having my Son half the time and having my freedom the rest....What if your name is not on the deeds or Mortage? I say this because I am currently seperated from my Wife of 5 Yrs, and living back at my parents. While my wife lets another man sleep in my bed with my kids in the next room kids are 8 and 4. I paid half the Mortage when we were living as Man and Wife, but never got my name on the Mortage due to my credit rating at the time.Sorry for going off subject but I am curious as to whether I can move back "Home"

mkbean

Sorry to hear that chris30, I was lucky a friend had been through a divorce a couple of years back so i knew not to move out.

I think you would have some claim on the appreciaton in value of the house whilst you were paying the mortgage, i'd talk to a solicitor - first appointment is normally free.

rchddap1

My partner & his ex split because she had an affair. He told me that he was informed by his solicitor that if he named the 'third party' he would be charged with the costs of the divorce.

Good luck to your family.

arthur_dent_2

Sorry for the awful situation that you have come to be in.

I would like to further reiterate the staying put in the house thing. Women can be evil, they will very often do whatever it takes to cheat you out of every single penny in maintenance and still cheat you out of your right to see your daughter. Make sure that you never let the wife have custody and you move out otherwise you will greatly worsen your situation. If she wishes to move in with this bloke let her but keep hold of your little girl, do not let her go. In the eyes of the court the mother will be considered a suitable carer and given full custody if you let her move out and take the daughter with her or if you move out allowing the daughter to stay with the mother.

All divorces and seperations are at some stages a battle ground, even if they are amicable now. I suggest that she move in with boyfriend and pay you maintenance, at least enough to pay for her half of the mortgage and enough for your daughters care on top. Do not give in to anything as if you give an inch she will take 10 miles.

Lastly, not all women are like this, I would never cheat on my husband and we have agreed that I would never take the children away from him if the worst was to happen.

Please remember that you are the father and unfortunately this means you have less rights. Fight for your daughter and may you do what is best for her future.

Kimitatsu

rchddap1 wrote: »

My partner & his ex split because she had an affair. He told me that he was informed by his solicitor that if he named the 'third party' he would be charged with the costs of the divorce.

Good luck to your family.

Why? When my ex had a (very blatant) affair I named the third party and he still paid the costs. I was informed that it is sometimes easier not to name the third party as it causes uneccessary friction.

However back to Raaaa....

I agree - DO NOT move out. Whoever has the residency of the child is entitled to the largest proportion of the house and has the right to reside in that house until she is 17 or has completed full time education.

Custody is a tricky one and to be honest is a minefield. You may get custody, but you will have to drag it right through the courts, and endure CAFCAS officers looking at every aspect of both of your lives. If you can come to an agreement then it will be less stressful and far cheaper for everyone involved.

Take a note of everything now, who does what, who owes what, who has paid for what. It will save a lot of arguments in the future and (IMO) there is no such thing as an amicable divorce, at some point it gets ugly and hurtful whoever you are.

As for your DD, just let her know that you both love her and will both always be there for her. Try not to argue in front of her or about her in front of her. little ears pick up all sorts they are not supposed to! It might be worth trying Relate or a counselling service not neccessarily to stay together but to be able to sort all of this out with an impartial adjudicator. It means everyone gets to have their say. If you can work out shared custody then that will be best for everyone, your wife gets a bit of freedom and so do you, enabling you both to pick up your lives and move on.

Get a solicitor ASAP, you will need one, and to be honest set up a payment plan now to avoid a huge bill later. They will reccomend counselling as a matter of course.

And no not all women are like your wife. Have faith in human nature and although it means things are looking very bleak now, there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck

raaaaa

a million thanks for all the advice & reassurance, it really has helped.

as an update. i saw a solicitor yesterday afternoon, and got good advice. after alot of though i have had to accept that me getting sole residence of my daughter is probably not in my daughter's best interest. things are still amicable between us, and we have come to an agreement (although only verbal) that we have shared custody - half the week each.

the finances will also probably end up being split 50/50. one (long overdue) bit of good news today is that our house was valued earlier today at £265k, so my financial future looks a tad brighter than i first thought.

back to the child issues though. can i clarify the point about leaving the home. we have agreed that neither of us will be keeping the matrimonial home (for financial & emotional reasons). and so we have agreed that it has to be sold. as we will each be looking to rent somewhere (for the short term) after moving out, it will probably be quite difficult to synchronise us both leaving the home and moving into a suitable rented home at approx the same time. so, assuming we were to get the shared residence agreed and put into a court order now, would this agreement then be put at risk if i end up having to move into a rented house at a date before the completion of the sale of the house? (i would be looking to have my DD for half of each week as soon as i move into my new house).

thanks again.