Wife having an affair & so I need a divorce

tigtag02

Hiya

Its a long time since I did the whole court things (11 years infact :eek:) so I'm sure things have changed but I cannot imagine that a house move would effect a court order which granted joint residency.

AFAIK the order stipulates that you share and provide the care of the child and doesnt state an address where this must occur (unless that is an extra within the order).

I hope that both makes sense and helps
tigtag
x

Js_Other_Half

Something to think about is the fact that Child Benefit can only be paid to one person - http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/forms/ch2notes.pdf

I do hope things remain as amicable as possible - for you and your daughters sakes.

Tiggy23

im not sure if this will help

when i was 14 my mum and step dad split, and went for divorce, my mum had 2 children from a previous marriage and one with my step dad, we lived in a six bedroom, 4 reception room house, way bigger than we needed, my step dad told the court they should sell the house and split 50/50 or leave house to him, he also tried getting custody of his son......

after many month of complete misery, as we were all still living in the same house (they split the house down the middle, he lived on the right side we had the left) the courts completely found in my mums favour.

the entire house was left to her, even altho it was huge, custody of all 3 children, he didnt get a penny, he did play dirty and it backfired. after all this she sold the house after a year, moved to cornwall brought a cheaper house and lived off the money she made. and still is!

my step dad had to start again, and i think what peed him off was the fact my mum didnt work, so he had paid for all bills mortgage etc.....

BUT it completely !!!!ed all of us kids up.... completely, some of what should of been the happiest years of my life were spent crying, in utter misery,

my little step brother who was only 6 at the time..... came out the worst....

i cant believe you would WANT to take more than 50% of the house...... your not taking it from your wife..... its your daughter u would be hurting....

unless your wife is completely usless as a mother you WONT get custody, you will be lucky if u get any money out of the house annd if my opinion you should consentrate of trying to get along for your daughter.....she may be young, but she notices things.....

if your wife wants to make a go of things with the new bloke.... let her.... its her decision, only herself to blame if it all goes t1ts up....you should consentrate on being the best father you can be..... better than ever before, your daughter needs love..... not money.....

tigtag02

Tiggy23 wrote: »

if your wife wants to make a go of things with the new bloke.... let her.... its her decision, only herself to blame if it all goes t1ts up....you should consentrate on being the best father you can be..... better than ever before, your daughter needs love..... not money.....

I dont want to come across as the raaa fan club but can we cut this guy some slack.

Its pretty obvious that his daughter IS his main priority but you seem to have overlooked that as you bash him for the screw ups your parents made.

The poor guy is feeling like he deserves something out of this right now, let him vent and let him seeth - if you read the full thread you will actually see him easing to the situation.

No only do you come across as being judge and jury (who said he WONT get custody) but the quote above goes to show that you think the woman can do as she pleases and the man must just conform - why shouldnt she also concentrate on being the best mother SHE can :rolleyes:

rls1973

raaaaa wrote: »

a million thanks for all the advice & reassurance, it really has helped.

as an update. i saw a solicitor yesterday afternoon, and got good advice. after alot of though i have had to accept that me getting sole residence of my daughter is probably not in my daughter's best interest. things are still amicable between us, and we have come to an agreement (although only verbal) that we have shared custody - half the week each.

it's great that you and your ex are communicating like this, but get everything in writing,

verbal agreements can be so conveniently "forgotten" or whatever, when it suits the other person all the best to you with this process you've got to get through:) (FWIW, i'm a woman who wouldn't dream of behaving like your x!)

Little_Pickle

Hi Raaaa,

Was thinking about you and wondering how you are getting on today?

hugs,
LP
xox

GreenNinja

raaaaa wrote: »

if it was a one off affair that had finished & she regretted i would feel differently. this affair is ongoing & by all accounts (again, from her telling me this) they are planning to get married and have kids at the moment. so it's very hard to listen to that and then want to try & work things out. not to mention the fact that it's highly unlikely that she would want to work things out with me anyway...

Personally I think you are doing the right thing. My ex husband was cheating on me the entire 13 years we were together. Theres absolutely no way I would have tried again even though he wanted to.
How could you ever sleep with somebody again when you know they have been with somebody else??? let alone ever trust them again.
Incidentally my ex picked up with somebody new about 2 weeks after I said I wanted a divorce and they are evidently "totally in love" so it kind of reinforces that fact that I made the dead right decision!

GreenNinja

rchddap1 wrote: »

My partner & his ex split because she had an affair. He told me that he was informed by his solicitor that if he named the 'third party' he would be charged with the costs of the divorce.

Good luck to your family.

6 months ago I divorced my husband for adultery, naming the woman made no difference to the case.
More importantly my ex husband had to pay for his and my costs as he ADMITTED the adultery. If he had denied it we would have had to pay 50/50

sportbeth

Big hugs matey

Just wanted to pitch in and say that my parents split and divorced when I was about 7. My dad fought tooth and nail to get custody of me and my bro (nothing that my mum did wrong I think, he's just a stubborn sod)

I was raised single handedly by my dad who did a brilliant job. And i turned out fine (I think!)

It can be done and I don't see any reason why if in the 80's they granted my dad custody you shouldn't have every right to get what you want

Robin-i'-the-Hood

No consolation but same thing happened to me except my partner had the police throw me out of my own home (I was sole tenant) by saying I had hit her (not true I hasten to add) despite admitting to the two female officers that she had hit me (and spat in my face for good measure). The police then gave me ten minutes to pack a daysack (whilst urging me to 'hurry up' all the while). Since I had no one to turn to they helpfully suggested a homeless shelter. Boyfriends car arrived within hours. It tears me up to think he is being dad to my baby. Although whether he is happy to be dad to 3 children who are not his remains to be seen (2 weren't mine)
The thing about being turned out of your own home is that the ex gets to keep pretty much anything she chooses not to give you. Will the police help you reclaim anything thats yours even if you have all the receipts? Will they bo***cks.