Wife having an affair & so I need a divorce

raaaaa

Found out last week that my wife of 2 years (been together for 7 yrs) has been having an affair with a guy she works with. She has been seeing him since april and is still in a relationship with him - according to her they're in love, and have a future together etc. We have a jointly owned house & a perfect little 4 year old girl.

I will obviously be divorcing her asap. we will also need to wort out finances & residence of the child. surprisingly, we are still amicable - we have to be as we're still living under same roof & obviously have to think about our daughter.

any advice & support ideas would be gratefully appreciated. But I have a few specific issues that I'd love some advice on:-

1. would her adultery enable me to claim more than a 50% share in the joint assets?
2. are there any dirty tricks that she may pull on me that i need to be aware of - any do's & dont's?
3. has anyone got any experiences of breaking this kind of news to a 4 and a half year old child & have you got any advice you could share?
4. can i legally prevent the other bloke from having contact with my daughter (at least until it's clear that their relationship is more established - the fact that their relationship started off with both off them cheating on their respective partners, and that they've only been together for 3 months, suggests to me that there's every chance their relationship is not going to last. and so i don't want my daughter to see him as any kind of step-father figure, not yet anyway.)
5. does anyone know a good hitman? (that one is a joke!)

please help!

TheWaltons_3

Firstly, how awful for you to have been forced into this predicament.

BUT as for having more than a 50% of the Assets business... you have to consider your child here more than anything.

Will you be moving out of your home?

When their are children involved, I think a Judge would want the wife to remain in the marital home with the child - however, maybe this is a Grey area seeing as she did the dirty.. HOWEVER, punishing the woman more and making her move out.. might unsettle your innocent little 4 year old who is going to bear the brunt of your wifes actions.

You are going to have to find somewhere to live, if you move out, thus paying rent - plus you will be expected to pay Child Support for your daughter.

It depends on what actions you want to take as to what advice can be given.

raaaaa

Thank for the quick reply.

you're right about the awfulness. i never thought one person could be capable of making another person feel this bad.

please re-assure me that not all women are this evil....!

as for the finances:
only asset is the house. it's worth £250k with £50k equity. only other assets we have are our everyday possessions. at our initial chat about this issue, we agreed that we split it 50/50. but i am on my own (earning about £26k), she earns £30k and now has this new bloke who earns at least the same as her. plus he has a house with several 10's of £k's equity. so the more i think about the more i think i deserve a greater share from her due to both the emotional issues and practical financial issues. basically i need more money from the divorce than she does. how likely would a court be to agree to me having say a 60:40 split, or more?

don't know yet if the ex will be trying to keep the house or buy a new place herself. i'm not sure she'll be able to afford it (i can't on my own), plus i'm not sure whether they'll want a fresh start together?

as for the child:
we have agreed on at least shared residence so far. i would never ever give up my daughter, it will kill me not being able to see her for a few days each week. i would like to have main residence, with the ex having a couple of days contact a week. but i'm not sure if i'll be able to get this unless she agrees to it (unlikely). i doubt therefore that i'll have to pay any maintenence as i will effectively by her main carer.

RadoJo

My parents divorced when I was about your daughter's age, and my advice would be 'try not to worry'.

The only thingI remember was getting a new toy and having two houses all fo a sudden! By the time I was really old enough to understand what had happened, I was already used to the idea that my parents were divorced. If anything, when something like this does have to happen, I think kids of your daughter's age are probably more likely to adapt quickly to the new arrangements.

I am not sure whether there is any legal grounds for banning your wife's new squeeze from seeing your daughter, but again, I think you are worrying about nothing if you think anyone other than her Daddy is going to make an impact on her life - she is only little, but there are some things which never get confused.

My only advice with regard to your daughter would be to make sure you don't let things between you and your wife affect your realtionship with your daughter - even if you don't end up living together, so long as you continue to involve yourself in her life and take an interest in what she wants and how she feels she will always know you are there for her.

I hope things can be resolved amicably between you and your wife. If it counts for anything, I would award you custody if I were a judge. I have very little time for anyone who cant keep it in their pants long enough to do right by the people they have responsibilities towards, and remember, if her and this man did the dirty on you and his wife, they will never be sure that the other won't do the same again - what kind of life is that?

Voyager2002

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your family.

You wrote:
I will obviously be divorcing her asap

Nothing obvious about this. Very many marriages do survive after one or the other partner has an affair. Both of you need to decide what you want to happen next, and then find the least painful way of getting there.

Quote:
1. would her adultery enable me to claim more than a 50% share in the joint assets?

No, no way. And it is not a question of fifty per cent: the court has its own rules for dividing joint property.

Quote:
2. are there any dirty tricks that she may pull on me that i need to be aware of - any do's & dont's?

Divorce often brings out the very worst in people. You do need to see a solicitor, preferably ASAP.

Quote:
3. has anyone got any experiences of breaking this kind of news to a 4 and a half year old child & have you got any advice you could share?

Maybe it is best not to say anything until you know what will happen next. And when you do, make clear the practicalities: how it will affect her, where she will be living, etc. It is VERY important to make it very clear to her that it is not her fault in any way; to emphasise that both her parents love her and will continue to be part of her life.

Quote:
4. can i legally prevent the other bloke from having contact with my daughter (at least until it's clear that their relationship is more established - the fact that their relationship started off with both off them cheating on their respective partners, and that they've only been together for 3 months, suggests to me that there's every chance their relationship is not going to last. and so i don't want my daughter to see him as any kind of step-father figure, not yet anyway.)

I doubt it very much, but a solicitor could give you a definite answer. Your best strategy is to discuss it with your wife, who will surely care just as much about your daughter's well-being as you do.

raaaaa

RadoJo wrote: »

My parents divorced when I was about your daughter's age, and my advice would be 'try not to worry'.

The only thingI remember was getting a new toy and having two houses all fo a sudden! By the time I was really old enough to understand what had happened, I was already used to the idea that my parents were divorced. If anything, when something like this does have to happen, I think kids of your daughter's age are probably more likely to adapt quickly to the new arrangements.

I hope things can be resolved amicably between you and your wife. If it counts for anything, I would award you custody if I were a judge. I have very little time for anyone who cant keep it in their pants long enough to do right by the people they have responsibilities towards, and remember, if her and this man did the dirty on you and his wife, they will never be sure that the other won't do the same again - what kind of life is that?

thank you so much for your comments. i must be in a mess cos i soon as i read your post i burst into tears...

[Deleted User]

1. would her adultery enable me to claim more than a 50% share in the joint assets?
Not under any circumstances
2. are there any dirty tricks that she may pull on me that i need to be aware of - any do's & dont's?
might take 7 years of your pension and claim for keep in the mean time before the divorce. Also dont try and fight any financial settlement, that is when the solicitors end up with the whole estate due to fees. She might also empty any joint bank accounts, so I would suggest you do this first.
3. has anyone got any experiences of breaking this kind of news to a 4 and a half year old child & have you got any advice you could share?
Yes I know a 18 year old girl whos parent divorced when she was young, she tryed to kill herself last week and has lots of "issues". Not saying that everyone ends up like that! just saying think about how your effecting her view on on life.
4. can i legally prevent the other bloke from having contact with my daughter (at least until it's clear that their relationship is more established - the fact that their relationship started off with both off them cheating on their respective partners, and that they've only been together for 3 months, suggests to me that there's every chance their relationship is not going to last. and so i don't want my daughter to see him as any kind of step-father figure, not yet anyway.)
Not very likely, and besides they prob wont be together for more then 6 years before daddy 3 comes along.
5. does anyone know a good hitman? (that one is a joke!)
Yes, PM me if your serious (a joke too)

grade15

raaaaa wrote: »

Thank for the quick reply.



she earns £30k and now has this new bloke who earns at least the same as her. plus he has a house with several 10's of £k's equity.

how do you know that????? his earnings and his house and equity in it????

Tom_Saunders

Why will you be divorcing her asap ?

To be honest you sound like you are more interested in the money that being devastated about the break down of your marriage, something tells me you aren't shocked.

If it were me, I'd be devasted, I'd be asking her mhy it whas haapend and could we work things out.

Finally, if it does all break down, I would fight tough and nail to keep my kids and the kitman thing wouldn't be such a joke.

Good luck , jesus millions of marriages have been through cheating, she's only been seeing him for two months, if you want to, I'm sure you could woo her back.

grade15

raaaaa wrote: »

as for the finances:
only asset is the house. it's worth £250k with £50k equity. .

you only moved into your house in nov 06..from a 3bed to 4 bed house..within 6 months and now you have 50K equity????
that's pretty good going?!!

Sharifa_2

Let's not attack the OP - I think he IS in shock, and it's not unusual to focus on financial matters first because you can do something about that, whereas emotional pain is harder to deal with.