Wife having an affair & so I need a divorce

raaaaa

grade15 wrote: »

how do you know that????? his earnings and his house and equity in it????

she has told me while we have been trying to discuss things amicably. she really is the spawn of satan.

Tom_Saunders

grade15 wrote: »

you only moved into your house in nov 06..from a 3bed to 4 bed house..within 6 months and now you have 50K equity????
that's pretty good going?!!

Hey must have made money on their previous house, not rocket science.

raaaaa

Tom_Saunders wrote: »

Why will you be divorcing her asap ?

To be honest you sound like you are more interested in the money that being devastated about the break down of your marriage, something tells me you aren't shocked.

If it were me, I'd be devasted, I'd be asking her mhy it whas haapend and could we work things out.

Finally, if it does all break down, I would fight tough and nail to keep my kids and the kitman thing wouldn't be such a joke.

Good luck , jesus millions of marriages have been through cheating, she's only been seeing him for two months, if you want to, I'm sure you could woo her back.

if it was a one off affair that had finished & she regretted i would feel differently. this affair is ongoing & by all accounts (again, from her telling me this) they are planning to get married and have kids at the moment. so it's very hard to listen to that and then want to try & work things out. not to mention the fact that it's highly unlikely that she would want to work things out with me anyway...

Tom_Saunders

raaaaa wrote: »

if it was a one off affair that had finished & she regretted i would feel differently. this affair is ongoing & by all accounts (again, from her telling me this) they are planning to get married and have kids at the moment. so it's very hard to listen to that and then want to try & work things out. not to mention the fact that it's highly unlikely that she would want to work things out with me anyway...

If she's been with him two months and plannig of getting married then she is PATHETIC.

Jesus, sounds to me like she's up her own backside and to young to have got married once never mind twice, like osmeone said earlier I'm sure Daddy number 3 will be around before she weds number 2.

Cheers.

raaaaa

grade15 wrote: »

you only moved into your house in nov 06..from a 3bed to 4 bed house..within 6 months and now you have 50K equity????
that's pretty good going?!!

we were lucky to buy the house at an underprice in Nov 06 - ironically, cos the couple who lived her before us were splitting up and needed a quick sale! we also paid a £40k deposit from some money we'd come into (family inheritance) we bought the house for £235k and in my opinion, esp with the work we've done to it since, the house will hopefully now be worth the £250k mark.

the reason i am focusing on the finacial issues here is cos this is what this forum is about isn't it. i've given some other info just as background to it. but i'm not sure this would be a relevant place to let out all my emotions i'm going through at moment.

grade15

so in a 2 month duration, your wife and his new man have discussed leaving you and how much their properties are worth, the amount of equity, and each other's salary and all the legal matters and your daughters future and when you found out, you two talked amicably about it..sounds a bit odd,

me personally i thought that at the beginning of the normal affair, they would be thinking, yes this is great but still have unsecurities about will this affair last ..?!!?!??

misswig

Firstly i sympathise with your situation. You must be going through hell at the moment:sad:
Although i understand your feelings and reasons for feeling that you should be entitled to more than 50% of joint assets, in the court arena the equity split starts at 50/50 and leans favourably towards the parent with residence of children which in the vast majority of the time is the women (unless you can prove that she is an unfit mother). If you have decided on shared residency then you may well get 50% of any assets but i wouldn't count on any more than that.

As to whether you can ban this other man from seeing your DD; probably not but hopefully your wife will see that introducing another male figure into your DD life so soon after a split will be detrimental to her and give it some time before this happens- you will always be Daddy though, kids aren't daft.

I agree with other posters, take your time making any desicions, consult a solicitor ASAP to see where you would stand financiallly along with any issues surrounding contatc with your DD.

If a divorce is the way to go, i would definately advise on court orders etc so there can be no redress in the future especially if you have agreed on shared residency for your DD.

I would like to say that to try and stay amicable is the way to go and i agree for your DD sake that it is however, with such an emotive reason for splitting up, in my experiance this is rarely achievable

Best of luck

Vxx

sandy2_2

If you have any joint bank accounts I would take out your half of the money and set up a newaccount, credit cards etc in just your name, cancel any that are in joint names.
Get to see a solicitor asap, or relate or a family arbitration service, you'll probably be able to get some info from CAB. Try and keep things amicable if you can, but I really doubt that will last for long, but get professional advice sooner rather than later. Good luck

just curious to know if the other man has a wife or family.

raaaaa

grade15 wrote: »

so in a 2 month duration, your wife and his new man have discussed leaving you and how much their properties are worth, the amount of equity, and each other's salary and all the legal matters and your daughters future and when you found out, you two talked amicably about it..sounds a bit odd,

me personally i thought that at the beginning of the normal affair, they would be thinking, yes this is great but still have unsecurities about will this affair last ..?!!?!??

look, i agree with you. but please don't think that i'm not giving the whole facts. it is as bad as it sounds in terms of what she has done to me (and our daughter). i found out about her affair last weds morning, so we have had a couple of civil discussions about what happens next. she has told me exactly, and ashamedly i have seen some of her e-mails to & from him when she left her e-mail account open recently by mistake (pls don't judge me on that unless you have experienced a similar situation). so i do know that they have even been looking at wedding venues.

i had to go away thursday night for a works course in london that i couldn't get out of. i found out subsequently that she brought her new bloke to our house for the night and he stayed here while our daughter slept under the same roof. i have also discovered recently, that shortly before i knew about the affair, she had left our daughter with a neighbour for a few hours one evening so that she could go & meet him (i was working late that evening)

i am surprised myself that i haven't smashed her and the house up because of the whole thing. but since the affair all i am focusing on is my daughter and so i am 100% determined that i will not do anything that may jeopardise my prospects of shared residency.

to be honest, i'm not 100% sure that the whole affair thing has sunk in properly as yet.

raaaaa

sandy2 wrote: »

just curious to know if the other man has a wife or family.

he was living with a girlfriend, who he has since kicked out of house he owns.

i agree that their relationship is doomed after starting the way it has. i just hope it does end, and the sooner the better for my sanity - the thought of him ever meeting and having any kind of a relationship with my daughter is killing me