How do I live without him?

dodge_3

my girl and I have went through the very same pain, it's not nice! we are soulmates like yourselves so your partner will be having the same pain. no-one will ever compare to your soulmate! It's better to have loved than to have never loved at all!!

iluvfreebies

i just read ure reply to pinklipstickbabe that was ell sweet and for a guy as well lol

Luis

Hi PLB,

I am so sorry to hear that things are tough for you at the moment - but so pleased to hear that you are gaining support from the forums on here.

I have used these forums in the past for help, and it has made all the difference in the world to know that total strangers care enough to add a comment or some advice or support. It does make you feel less alone, and helps to realise that others have been through what you are going through.

I recommend searching this forum for a thread I started called 'support / advice needed', where people gave such uplifting advice and support, that i think you would benefit from too. Please look, it helped me, and I know it can help you too.

Don't be surprised if you have a few more bad days along the way, but gradually, you will begin to notice that the bad days are becoming fewer, and the good days are beoming more frequent. I too had to split up from my soul mate a few years ago - on one level we were (and still could be) perfect for each other, and not a day goes by where I don't think of him still. But we were unable to stay together for many grim and grisly reasons. It took a long time to be able to just remember him with a smile rather than an ache - and be careful what you do, because I managed to get married on the strength of trying to get over him (d'oh!), which turned out to be a mistake - but we live and learn.

I am now able to be thankful for the memries I have, and the lessons I learnt, but it has taken time, strength and support - ll of the things you have at your disposal. So go easy on yourself - allow yourself to grieve and heal, and get all the masses of support available to you on here.

With much love and affection,

Luis xx

needmoney

PLB glad it was a good day for you, make today better still. You must feel very loved from all the wonderful posts you've had. What really nice people there are here and they've said such wise words. I will be thinking of you again today as I'm sure will all the others and remember that old saying 'as one door closes another opens' xx

margaretclare

Hi PinkLipstickBabe

If you're awake again at 4 am, can I recommend something wonderful to do? (I don't know where you live, if you have a garden etc). If you have a garden just put on a warm dressing-gown and go and sit outside in the garden. Yes, really! While it's still dark, listen to the birds starting one by one. If you haven't a garden then just open a window.

This morning I got up at 4 am, put on a warm fleecy dressing-gown and just sat outside the back door on a plastic garden seat that my late daughter and her husband bought me for my birthday in 1997. And it was wonderful. Not cold at all, but so still and peaceful, and the birds....it was fantastic.

Tomorrow (1st May) is going to be Dawn Chorus Day and there will be dawn walks organised all over the country. I can't walk far any more, but my husband and I may get up early and just stop in the car-park at the local woodland. Getting close to Nature really has a way of putting things into perspective.

With very best wishes

Aunty Margaret

seese

Well done.
Sometimes it is a good idea to look out for someone else who might like a bit of help.
Could be anything.walking the dog.Collecting the paper.Watching the kids for an hour.
It is suprising how helping others can take your mind of your own sadness.
Big Hugs

Swattie

I'm so glad this forum is helping you.

I would recommend having a bit of a 'trip back in time' to before you met your soul mate

Dig out your old favourite music, books, videos etc - anything to remind you of times when you had no worries - and have a retro day - it'll make you feel younger and more care free for a while. Old photos from school, college, holidays etc that bring back happier times (these are best viewed with old friends if poss) are realy good.


And if you ever get the urge to have another spring cleaning session to cheer you up - you are very welcome to practice your cleaning therapy at my house.

Jay-Jay_4

Hi PLB

I've just come across this thread and read through all the posts, what a horrible time this is for you. BUT... there's been some really good advice on here and I was really pleased to read about your facial and the positive day you had afterwards.

Someone once said to me (when I was suffering after a horrid break up) that sometimes it feels like your running through a dark, dense forest, struggling to see daylight, running into trees, falling and hurting yourself... you feel like you'll never escape but one day you'll turn around and realise that the forest is behind you...... because you kept going.

When you're feeling really low then try closing your eyes and picturing yourself at a time when you were feeling happy and confident, then make the image bigger and brighter and remember how good it made you feel. Keep making the image bigger and brighter in your mind and hold on to that positive feeling. Keep that image in your mind and the feeling of confidence and happiness, hold on to it and take it with you wherever you go that day.

rizla01 wrote:

Most of all, get out of the house as much as possible and go hill-walking or something

Hill walking is just great at times like this. To look at how vast the place we live is and put your feelings into perspective, we're so tiny yet sometimes our emotions are so powerful it feels like we could stop the world from turning. Go and stand on top of a hill, take in a lungfull of fresh air and tell yourself that you can deal with this and come out of it a stronger person.

jaybee

I've just caught up with this one. It certainly brought up some memories for me as well. I guess that most of us have been there at sometime or other. I also use music unrelentlessly. Like Aunty Margaret I also love to observe nature. Many years ago when I was going though a bad spell and couldn't sleep, I was staring bleakly out of the window when a family of badgers came into view and the babies played in the moonlight. It was all over in a few moments - but I would never had seen it if I'd been asleep.
:grouphug:

missy_brambles

Hi PinkLipstickBabe,
how sad I have been to read your comments and the replies. It has had me in tears. I was widowed at 38years, almost 10years ago and I think that the feelings of loss that you are going through are just about the same. The utter despair, the overwhelming need for that persons to be there, the deep, deep sadness, the inability to put one foot in front of the other and the overwhelming tireness. Grieving is very very hard work. I wouldnt say that time heals, you just find a way to live with what you are given. The sad fact is that the heart will always crave for the person that is lost to you.
My advise to you would be:
Do not look too far ahead or you will frighten yourself.
Loss is not a disease, it is a dis-ease - be kind to youself.
Pick your friends carefully - all my 'old friends' disappeared and I have a completely new set of friends, fewer but truer. Funnily enough a few 'old friends' friends did get in touch some years later when their relationships broke up. I'm ashamed to say that I left them to their own devices.
Take pride in new accomplishments - endevour to attempt everything (within sensible reason) and only ask for help when you are really stuck - this way you can build up your self confidence.
I found that putting on a brave face did help. When people asked 'how are you?' I began saying 'I'm fine, how are you?' - They were very suprised but eventually I did begin to feel better.
Get a dog - a reason to get up in the morning and long long walks can only help - fresh air, excercise - and even the most stupid dog (which I have) can be so very very funny and sensitive.
The life I have now is a good one but not the one I chose or expected. However I survived and you will too.