How do I live without him?

Becles

So sorry to hear what has happened to you. People are right in saying it is a grieving process.

When my ex let me, I wasn't working and had 2 young children. 3 months after he left, I got a part time job. Nothing stressful - just a receptionist position for a small company. I found throwing myself into that helped, then I later progressed in the company and learned new skills. Then I left and went self employed which I'm doing now, and I'm loving it!

If you don't work and can find a job to keep you ticking over for now, I think it will help you a lot. It's a reason to go out of the house, as I know how tempting it is to shut yourself away. You also get the company of other adults and they don't know your past, so you can start as a 'new you'.

Other suggestions would be easy classes at colleges or community centres. Something plesant like an atry subject, or somthing that's taken your interest but you've never had time to do (family tree research, learn a new skill like flower arranging?). I don't know how old you are but there could be other groups like the WI, which will give you friendship and stir up other interests. Ask at the local library or community centre for meetings that are on.

Don't forget all the people on here. We're all faceless and we don't 'know' you so it gives you the chance to open up and say things that maybe to hurtful and personal to say to someone face to face. Even though we are faceless, there are still a lot of caring people out there who will freely give support and advice. That's one of the things I like about the internet.

Take care of yourself, and enjoy the facial

david78

((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))

eml_3

Hope things look a bit brighter today. Remember that you are hurt and need to grieve, so don't be too hard on yourself if you are feeling low. But, you will get better, you won't always feel like this and at some point in the future, you will be able to look back on this time in your life and see how you got through it.

Keep up the exercise - natural endorphins make everything seem better. Loud music always works for me as a pick up!

Queenie

(((hugs)))

How do you cope?

Be patient with yourself; you have to take just one day at a time; some days you may only be able to bear taking one minute at a time, but hang on in there!!!

Remember always, you cannot climb over the problems, you cannot crawl under them .... but you can get THROUGH it!

It's natural to feel so overwhelmed with a number of strong, powerful emotions when we lose someone we love - be it through splitting up/death - but we have to ride them; if we suppress them, try to hide them we risk never healing.

Shock, disbelief, anger, grief .... eventually, understanding, acceptance and the ability to move forward will happen.

Write your feelings down on paper - if you are feeling angry about any aspect of the parting, write a letter (but do not send it!!!!!!) you can write in the strongest terms, just get those feelings out - then ..... burn it.

Write a gratitude journal. Each day, think of 3 things that you are grateful for; some days, this will be an enormous challenge, but as each day passes, as each week passes, you will have something you can look back over and see how you are progressing through this desperately challenging time. Those gratitudes can be as teeny as you noticed a bird singing, or as huge as "I made it through another day" - but I promise you, even in our darkest hour, no matter how hard, we can all find something to be grateful for. Today, your's may read: "I am grateful for MSE, waking up this morning and knowing I am not alone."

This is still so very raw for you, it's heartbreaking to read. But love works 2 ways, our ability to love someone deeply is also about our ability to love ourselves and right now, Sweetie, you need to pour some of that loving into yourself.

Above all, be gentle with yourself (((((hugs)))))

rchddap1

I am sorry that you are hurting right now and just wanted to add my name to the growing list of support that you have here. Things will heal over time gradually and then you will be able to look back with fond memories without it upsetting you. My advice (like many others) for the time being is to relax, enjoy yourself and have fun. Do those things that you've been putting off for a while. Perhaps thinking about treating yourself to a holiday where you can meet other people. Whatever takes your fancy. Indulge yourself a little bit. You deserve it.

I know the tunnel looks very dark a dismal right now, but there is a light at the end honest. And you will find it.

I want to give you all the best wishes in the world, and if you ever need any help or support we'll always be here for you.

needmoney

Hello PLB I think lots of us have been there sometime I know I was and am over it now and hard as it is to believe you will be too.

I have no wiser words for you than have already been said but just wanted to know I am thinking of you and sending my very best wishes to you. Be kind to yourself and take care xx

margaretclare

Hi PinkLipstickBabe

Just wanted to add my twopence to everything that has already been said. I can't add anything that others haven't said...just that many, many people have 'been there, seen it, done it'...

My first husband died in 1992 coincidental with my redundancy. A meaningful career would have helped, not least financially, but that meaningful career disappeared. So I was left bereaved and virtually penniless. For the next few years I struggled against losing my home, did all kinds of menial jobs just to survive.

I've been lucky - I met the love of my life at age 62 in 1997. He loved my younger daughter as if she'd been his own, admired her qualities...she died in December 2002 aged just 39.

I now do things in her memory. Remember that song 'Everything I do (I do it for you)' - that was one of her favourite songs. She was a passionate environmentalist, and I'll be voting Green in her memory! Last October we put in a wildlife pond in our back garden and this morning we've been watching the greenfinches on the hanging feeders, beautiful, we never had so many greenfinches before. And my husband, before he came to bed last night, was watching the fox eating the food I put out. Every year I give a prize to the college she attended, just £50 of book-tokens, for 'the most environmentally-committed woman student of the year'. And we are invited to the Presentation Day in June.

There's some kind of comfort in following through with the things she was interested in, trying to carry on with some of the things she tried to do.

It's an old but true saying, take each day at a time. Give yourself time to grieve. 'This too shall pass'.

With very best wishes

Aunty Margaret

rizla01

seaniboy wrote:

Well I guess i'm the 1st bloke replying (& a scottish 1, lol)...alas we do go through the break up emotions too, just most men dont talk about it, let alone get upset in front of people we just let it rip us up inside, whats the sense in that? its like car insurance really if you have smashed it make your claim ( ok that made sense in my head?!? )

Its 7.49 I hope your up for your facial! now just go and spoil yourself afterwards whatever you fancy...as long as it makes you feel even slightly better and doesnt bankrupt/debt you....do it !

Alas we all have one life come rain or shine, tears or joy etc...etc...

We all get there in the end, take it easy girl.....


Seaniscot x

Oi Sean,

IM A BLOKE too! :mad:

Bloody cheek.

And hetro!!!:) :j

Riz

Savvy_Sue

My tuppence worth would be not to worry if you burst into tears unexpectedly. It may have happened at the facial this morning - I hope not - but there are times when we feel weepy and we might as well let it out as bottle it up. I've been known to go and look for a sad film to give myself an 'excuse' if I knew I needed a good cry. You don't have to explain yourself: "I'm sorry, I'm just rather emotional about something at the moment."

But do see your GP if you still feel this awful in a week's time. Resist the drugs and ask for counselling. Get a recommendation and pay for it privately if you can afford it to avoid the wait. Don't be afraid of depression: it's ghastly, but it does get better: the trick is learning to live with it while it lasts.

Lots of other good tips already given! Hugs.

bethscott1970

I've been there too pink and it will work out eventually. My first husband and I split because it seemed to be the only way out of the situation we were in (long story). I didn't think life could go on, what was the point? but I forced myself to make the effort one day at a time, little things like I would make myself walk to the shop for a paper I knew I wouldn't read but I had to get out of the house. It's too easy to sit and give up so take it one step at a time and take the excellent advice others have given you. Asking your doctor for a referral to councilling is a good start. I went for a few years and my son still sees one (he's 11) and even I have no idea what he's said to her, it's entirely confidential and they don't judge anything you say. In many ways it's like talking to yourself out loud and they just help you make sense of what you're thinking and how to move on.

All the best to you lassie (from another English girl who loves Scotland)