How do I live without him?

seese

Big hugs Pink.
If the facial went well book another beauty treatment--and a hairdo--and some reflexology--and anything else you can think of.Being pampered can be very soothing.
And in these "girlie" circumstances my experience is that no one minds if you cry.

mightymo_2

Hiya Pink,

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. Breaking up is really difficult. I went through it five years ago with my ex-husband. I was a mess for a while. I drank too much, didn't eat, was angry, was sad, was frustrated. I went to the doctors, and he put me on anti-depressants for a short while. Not sure whether they helped. The ways I got through it:

1. Write all your feelings down. I was constantly writing - I had sort of a diary. Nobody has ever seen it! I wrote some really awful stuff in there, but it helped me to get things off my chest, and sleep easier at night.

2. Use the Samaritans if you think it will help. I rang them twice, and both times the call calmed me down, and helped me put things in perspective.

3. Read lots! It might be too early for you, but I would recommend two books. Susan Jeffers "Losing a Love and Finding a Life", and the Relate book "Starting Again".

Only time can heal your pain. I feel so sad for you, I know it is really difficult. Please keep posting - we are all here for you!

Mo x

PS.I also went for counselling at Relate and joined their "New Life, New Challenge" course. This helped me most of all!

bernardh_2

Sorry to here of your pain,Pink.
Seven years ago,my marriage broke down and so did I. I moved into a studio flat and went downhill fast, thinking I could do it all myself.Hit the bottle real bad and got into a lot of debt. Finally admitted I needed help and had 2 spells in rehab.Managed to cause heart failure with the booze first. Not fun!
Fast forward.Sold Kingston studio,repaid nearly all debts and moved to Suffolk to be near kids.Lovely little house in quiet village,working part time and one of my twin daughters moving in next term when 6`th form starts.
None of this would have happened if I hadn`t sought help.Please see your doctor asap,and all the best for the future.

chickadee

Hi plb,

I just want to reiterate everything thats already been said. You might not know if you look at them, but so many people have been through things like this (just look at the number of replies you have had). Problem is, you always think you are alone. I'm the same, it happened to me and I found myself in a really bad situation similar to your own. I was lucky because I had the support of my family and my employer at the time.

Although you may not believe me now, you will pull through this. Yes you will need help. Friends, your doctor, family, work colleagues, neighbours, (us lot) all can help in some small ways. You have to believe in yourself. Find the strength to keep going from somewhere inside you and get back in there!

Believe me, you will come out of this a stronger person. You will find resources in yourself that you didn't even know you posessed.

Good luck,

Sue

hilstep2000

Hi plb
I can only echo everyone else. I've been there too, and it feels as if you're the only one, but you are not. There are people to help, and don't forget that when you're crying at 3am, and there's nobody to talk to, ring The Samaritans. They are not there just for the suicidal, they are there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 366 days a year. They will talk and listen for as long as you want, so please ring them. And see your doctor for help.
We're all here for you. Here's a (((((HUG))))) from me.

jellyhead

just wanted to send you a hug *HUG*

i'm another one who completely went to pieces after a break-up, it's so hard to get used to being without somebody if you've been together for a few years. it does get easier, and exercise will help - not for improving your appearance (although there's nothing wrong with that lol! but i didn't give a stuff what i looked like or how fat i was when i was feeling that low) but the endorphins help with the emotions. a long stint on the treadmill always helps me.

antidepressants didn't help me but they work for some people - if you feel bad enough then don't be afraid to ask for them. talking worked best for me, i saw a counsellor.

i hope you soon start feeling a bit better.

Queenie

Awww, bless your sweet heart!!!!!! What a POSITIVE day!!!!

Like I said before, just take each day as it comes; one step at a time. I am so happy to know that, for today, you have had a good, positive, day!

Before you fall asleep tonight, do reflect again, and again, and AGAIN, the power of one good day! Do not lose sight of how well you have carried yourself today: in dignity, in confidence, in ability to get through.

Sweetie, it's not about "maturity" when it comes to dealing with life's hurts. No matter how wonderous or otherwise a relationship/job/circumstance may be, nor how old/mature/prepared we are, life will always throw spanners on our works - either planned, unexpected, unwelcome. The damage will inevitably be by degree's! Some will be more profound, more heartwretching than others, but .. we surely grow from them. For each of the most awful moments in our lives, we will recall several of the most wonderful. The true art of coping, is to allow ourselves permission to feel our way through those times, good and bad, so we may grow as individuals - wiser, more knowledgable (about ourselves and life!), stronger and more able!

Holding you in my heart while you endure and move forward. ((hugs))

jazzyjustlaw

I want to say that I really feel for you I really do. I handle break up badly I feel like I am dying inside and feel so sick. I get giddy cant eat and when I smoked just chained smoked and sat on the sofa. I have had this several times, always left in debt and last time I was pregnant.

I just wanted to say accept how you feel don't get upset at yourself for it. Just try to think to yourself right now is the time to do the things you wanted to do. I would also like to say that we must all be happy in ourselves and not obtain happiness from others. You should try some yoga and meditation. I have had relationships where I spent 24/7 with them and now I do not spend that amount of time with my partner. Your life can be broken down into areas i.e. work, family, partner, children, education, health. finances. The idea is to accept that they cannot all be great all at once but makes you realise that a partner is only part of your life.

Like I said I suffer badly and in fact when my husband left me I lost so much weight because I could not eat and I am not saying that if my current partner left I would not be devastated because I would but I would hope that what I had learnt at yoga etc would help me somehow.

Remember this too you are a wonderful and unique person but there are many challenges in life and its how you deal with them that matters.

Just one last thought. Is there absolutely no chance that you cannot have a reconciliation?

I really do wish you all the best x

rizla01

Hiyah Pink,

Read your days events and you made me smile. Felt very warm inside for the pleasure that the day gave to you.

A couple of other things I remember (7 yrs ago now) a few months afterwards I had the realisation that I hadn't smiled for what seemed ages. Normally a cheery person and never normally needing a funny event to cause a grin, it was a funny event that made me laugh and it then dawned on me that it was the first time for ages. (bit long winded that - sorry).

The other thing was that the television programs that followed my break-up/down? seemed focused on unfaithful women, marital problems and every other subject that could cause me pain. (Bit like buying a particular type of car, and then spotting loads of the same type afterwards).

The most difficult thing is avoiding the desire for things to be back to normal. You hope that phone call, that knock on the door Etc is the person that you long for and it never is. You want to spy on them, hear about them and in general, torture yourself to despair. This is such a futile exercise and never benifits you - just keeps you living in the past. You need to keep telling yourself to go forward however much you dont want to.

The other thing i have noticed is that EVERY event, be it good or bad, goes a long way to erasing the memory of this hurt. (Get done for speeding and see if it doesn't clear your mind for a bit). So give yourself a lot of 'events' to think about. Go places. Meet new people. (Try shopping in a different town - if you've got any money left after that facial, that is),

Most of all, get out of the house as much as possible and go hill-walking or something, and don't be afraid to lumber friends and relatives for meals. That helps a lot (And it's cheap).

Love to see how your feeling in a week or so , so please keep us all updated. Your experiences will be a tremendous help to others in your situation. (Believe me there will be 100s).

Luv Riz

Iona_Penny

So glad that you feel that you have had a better day even if its for what you managed to pack into it, sounds like you surprised yourself.

I haven't had a breakup like you but I have experienced two v close sudden deaths and its like the event takes your breath away and you can't get back into a normal rhythm no matter how you grasp at it.

All I can say is the thing I tell myself to get through anything horrible (even something as small as the dentist) ' One day I will look back on this-it will be in the past' Don't expect to feel better in the next few days or weeks but maybe in a few months you can look back and say gosh I remember my 1st post and I truly don't feel so bad. Good wishes