How do I live without him?

rchddap1

A controlling relationship can go the other way too. My other half's ex wife was controlling when they were together. When we started going out he would continually ask me if it was okay if he bought that, or spent money or this, or went out to do the other.

He would never change the past because of his daughter, but he is certainly glad that he is out of the relationship. After a few years he slowly had to relearn independence. It was okay if he wanted to spend his money on something. It was okay if he wanted to do something. He realises that he was in a controlling relationship and that it wasn't doing him any good.

At first it was very hard for him in making the break. Soon after their split she came round wanting him back...and he just couldn't do it. In only a few months he had realised that both he was far better off with them being parted.

Things will get better over time for you and you will re-learn how to take control over your life. A companion is fantastic, but a better one is someone who will share their life with you and not someone who wants manipulate you into doing things that they want.

jaybee

Hi Pink Lipstick Babe

I've only just caught up with the last couple of pages.

Whatever century is he living in???? That is emotional blackmail and manitulative. You are a person in your own right (and very talented as well if your art work is anything to go by). Live for yourself (and your cats) - you are a free spirit.

Many moons ago I was hopelessly in love with a looser who tried to manipulate me (including being jealous over the affection my cats gave me!!). I fell apart when it all broke up but my life changed course and it's better than it ever was before.

Some time ago I came across a couple of books. One was called Women Who Love Too Much and the other one was called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I never read either of them because I felt that the titles said it all.

elona

PLB

There is a book called Men who Hate Women (and the women who love them)

If you can do so then please read it - I bet you will recognise your boyfriend in it!!!

I agree with margaret-clare Change bank acounts , phone numbers - in short - anything that he could use over you.

I have a strong feeling that after say 6 weeks or 3 months he will contact you again, graciously be prepared to "forgive you" and demand you get rid of cats and any vestige of personality you have - and come back to him.


This may sound cruel but I think that he really is "sick" - please keep away from him for your own sake.

I did not realise the art work was your own - it is fantastic!!!!!!

I would love to be a tenth as talented.:A

purplepatch

PinkLipstickBabe wrote:

Plus, he gave me an ultimatum...my cats or him. I have cats whom I adore, promised to look after for the rest of their life etc. and I have had them so many years. I adore my little 'family' and I had them before I met him. He knew I had them when we met, pretended to like cats and only when I moved in did he tell my that if my cats came, then I couldn't. He was trying to make me give them up, constantly telling me to 'dump' them in a cat home etc. I would cry and beg him to let me keep my babies, but he didn't care. Said I didn't love him or I would, Quote: 'Get Rid'

All I can say is you certainly chose the right thing to get rid of!

When my relationship broke down, I always found the weekends the hardest. Felt like I was the only person on my own. As someone else said, there are loads of people in the same boat. Try to keep yourself busy. I actually used to look forward to going back to work on a Monday morning!!

In the end, I joined a local amateur dramatics group, which really helped me through the worst of it. Didn't get much chance to feel low what with all the rehearsals. Plus it introduced me to a load of new people, most of whom were single and we used to socialise a lot. Not sure if that sort of thing would be your bag, but it's worth considering taking up a new hobby of some type that will get you out and meeting new people. I'm not sure what age you are, but I found that most of my friends were married and having babies, so it was helpful to find a new social circle where most people were single and not tied to their weekend homelife commitments.

Keep posting on here to let us know how you're getting on. I'm often checking to see whether you've been on.

PP
x

pandas66

PLB
I'm so pleased for you. Its wonderful to have a positive day, I think the birds may be singing a little louder here now. Tickle your puddy tats chins and watch them smile at yer.
Best Wishes for another good day, hope it lasts all week and more.

libra10

You sound to be a sweet, sensitive person PLB. Wishing you the best of wishes for the future.

Good luck

SnowyOwl_2

Hi PLB

Congratulations on taking control of the situation by changing your bank and phone details.

Congratulations too for making the correct decision by leaving him. Yes you loved him, but when he wanted you to "get rid" of your cats he was wishing sadness, unhappiness, guilt and regret on you. Is that really an act of love toward your partner? I don't think so... I might even be tempted to say that he had managed to alter you into someone you had to do a double take to recognise. Now that you have your total freedom you are transforming yourself back to the PinkLipstickBabe you used to be and waving bye bye to the actress who was RedLipstickBabe, the woman who looks like you but who you never truly were.

The only person you are guaranteed to spend your life with is yourself...so know yourself and be yourself, you are good enough, and probably better than some, just as you are...no changes are required...

SnowyOwl_2

Wow a name tag just for me!! Thank you PinkLipstickBabe, you are a Sweetie!

jen_jen_2

DONT change account - keep the money (he he) :rotfl:

As for the cats how could he? Cats are very good judges of character and its them who choose who they live with - your ex wouldnt have stood a chance!!

mine come to bed in the morning for a cuddle, so whenever yours come to join you remember they want to be with you because they think you are the bees knees, the rest of the world has just got to catch up!!

Can you draw dragons (a red one)? I would love a piccy to use as my avatar or screensaver. If you dont do dragons any thing would be a bonus.

(out of tune)..on ilkley mooooor bar tat....and send him on his waaaayyyy!!

jen_jen_2

cool, will print it out at work tommorow (money saving eh?)