Depression Support Thread

Horasio

Miroslav wrote: »

If it makes you feel any better, I got up at Midday and am partially dressed (sorry ladies :rotfl: ) and have done nothing else but put on the TV to tape a Britney program on MTV! I really don't feel like doing anything at all.

It's good we made plans and set goals, even if we don't reach them today, there will be tomorrow. The goals were not something we had to achieve or else, but something to try and do.

You have done some things, which is great and we can't legislate for tiredness and lack of sleep.

I'm being a complete !!!!!!, as I had a bad sleep and still recovering from the holiday. There isn't any point in getting dressed only to have my good feeling destroyed by my soul destroying husband. Yes I know I have to leave and there is no reason not to except not knowing where to go.

New England is in the north east of the US with Boston being it's main city.

They certainly spoke about Britney - it is so sad to see her go into such a decline. She has had a gruelling life and she is exhausted - I'm sure she enjoyed many elements tho'. She needs to take time out to recover. She is lucky to have money and not HAVE to work - she seems to court attention in any form and it is making her look a joke. It is a shame, I like her but she has to take time out before she does anything irrepairable.

Whitney Houston seems to have gone the same way. I don't know if it is to do with being famous at a young age and rebelling against the clean cut image they portray but they do so much harm to themselves.

Miroslav

Tiff wrote: »

Hi miro!:hello:

:wave:

Had to reply to your post miro.
I'm so proud of you. Your post took heart and courage and I'm glad you shared it with us.:T :A

It was more like tiredness than courage When I woke up, I thought arrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh what have I done.

How many pages have you written below

As usual, I'm going to say that practical problems have a solution angel. If you can make a start correcting those practical issues, and I know that's hard miro, then they won't be on your list anymore and you're free to look at other issues you need help with.
I'm just going to jump right in, ok hun?:o

Jump in, just not with 2 feet :eek:

quote=Miroslav;

If nothing I say on this thread means anything to you miro sweetheart, PLEASE believe that all your feelings and reactions and fears to what has happened, are all completely natural.
I'm going to try and deal mostly with the practical things hun, as opposed to the mental health side of things, because there are options and knowing that might make you feel better hunnie.;)

You have explained this experience in more depth than you did before sweetheart and it sparked an idea or three...

Well, I feel as a male, i've never had opportunities or been taken as seriously as if I were a female. The world is inbalanced, some things favour males, some females, but this doesn't do men any favours. I remember my step father telling me, it happened 5 years ago (I was 18 when he said it) so you should be over it by now - it's never over and I'll never find anyone who will accept me for it and I don't want to be rejected on the basis of it. I remember the indignity of going to my solicitor to file a damages claim on the say so of someone else. The court/decision makers decided, on the basis of 1 letter from the solicitor, that it caused 'no long-term damage'.

1. Imho miro, you might want to call your local Victim Support. They have had specialized training for helping people who've been abused, sexually or otherwise, as well as other victims of crime.:T :A
They are very compassionate hun and sadly, will have seen it all before. So sweetie, if anyone can empathise with this trauma, they can.;) They would go to any appointments with you and even go so far as to make an appointment for you miro. It is completely free and confidential. You don't even have to have reported whoever abused you to the police angel - their focus is on helping you.
If you can find the same courage as it took to post all this, then give them a call angel. You shouldn't have to bear the physical issues of abuse hun, especially if there's something that can be done to help. If you find it hard to talk over the phone, they will do home visits, or even meet up somewhere else I believe.

Would they be 'interested 18 years after it happening? Surely that is far too long.

2. Most gp's or hospitals have a Men's Wellness group. They set aside time to deal with only men and many men seem to prefer to go to a such a clinic. You could phone your surgery and ask if there's one in your area.

I'm not aware of one. I know there is a female one that is advertised, but nothing for men

3. I hope you don't mind guys, but I took the liberty of going down into the Tiff archives :rolleyes: , and finding some links for any man who's in a similar situation. I'm not a professional and I haven't checked these sites out so please use your own careful judgement as always...

[SIZE=-1]Male Helpline Details [SIZE=-1]This is a line especially for male victims of sexual and domestic abuse, it provides an opportunity to talk in confidence and anonymously if you wish. ...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]www.victimsupport.org.uk/[/SIZE]

[SIZE=-1]Victim Support Male Helpline (Helpline formale victims of domestic violence or sexual abuse), 0800 328 3623. [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]www.endthefear.co.uk/usefullinks[/SIZE]

Domestic Violence Advice & Support[SIZE=-1]Advice & Support for male victims of domestic violence and men in ... the National Domestic Violence Helpline, Victim Support, Terence Higgins Trust, GMFA, ...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]www.mensadviceline.org.uk/about-male.[/SIZE]

Rainbow Network [SIZE=-1]Male victims are being offered new information by a UK crime charity. Victim Support has produced its first leaflet to offer ...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]www.rainbownetwork.com/Health/[/SIZE]

[SIZE=-1]Male Survivors [SIZE=-1]have until recently been the silent, unseen victims ...; often forgotten by the support ...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]www.aest.org.uk/survivors/male/ [/SIZE]

Survivors UK - Understanding childhood sexual abuse and male...[SIZE=-1] For over twenty years, we've been providing information, support and counselling for men [/SIZE][SIZE=-1]www.survivorsuk.org/ [/SIZE]

Thanks for all the links, i'll check some out, maybe I have to start facing all these things that have stopped me living for so long.



[/SIZE][/SIZE]2. Another physical problem - my teeth I have 3 that need sorting, but I fear the dentist and he tells me what I want done will cost £700! I don't have that sort of money I also need a 'free' extraction of a broken tooth at the back and I have a lump that my dentist refuses to do anything about (and all 4 dentists have suggested different solutions ) My fear has not been all my life - as a child I was fine, but after meeting a dentist as an adult who insisted on causing as much pain as possible and causing me major troubles (al the things I listed) I now have no trust in dentists.

Dentists!!!

Ditto miro!:eek:
You sound as though you're pushed from one to another.
Ask your gp to refer you to the local hospital for dental treatment and they may be able to help you better with your anxiety. They may be able to sedate you and do everything all at once. They have more options than your local dentist & I'm pretty sure it would be free on the NHS.

Also guys, if you ever find yourself in dental agony out of hours, there is an on-call dentist available through your local A&E.;)

Hmmmm, when I went to my local A&E about 12-18 months ago, they told me they had no dentists within their environment

3. Getting up/primed/exercise etc etc as described between myself and others earlier.
Tiff can put her paw up to that one too hun.:o It's something that we have to make ourselves do because it's very common with mental ill health.
Lack of sleep, exercise, food and drink can really badly affect your mental ill health. Hard to believe, but true. So, it's a step in a basic routine as much as we can guys. I cheat though - I count my time on here as exercise!:D :rolleyes:

The motivation is never there. I know the benefits, but I feel defeatist and never do it

Being on here is finger and eye exercise only



4. Job.....I really do want one, but it has to be the right one, or my frustrations will be evident and i'll just fail and be back at square one. I'm confident and full of fight one minute and the next, really depressed and defeatist. Everyone is amazed and say 'I don't believe that' when I say I have no confidence - shows you can't judge someone by how they look
One hurdle at a time hunnie. You're right to be aware of your own feelings miro and to err on the side of caution, but you're not necessarily going to fail.;)
I believe your local Connexions can help find the right jobs/training/info for people with mental ill health.
Here again, are some sites for anyone to check out - I haven't seen them myself. Hope they're helpful guys.

www.mentalhealthandwork.co.uk/

www.rethink.org/.../make_a_fresh_start/getting_the_right_benefits_and_getting_work/schemes_to_help.html

[SIZE=-1]www.mind.org.uk/Information/Factsheets/Working+in+mental+health/ [/SIZE]


Mental Health & Work - Help and Information[SIZE=-1](if you do find work too stressful remember that people with mental health needs are covered by the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA) and that you are ...[/SIZE]
[SIZE=-1]www.mentalhealthandwork.co.uk/why.htm[/SIZE]


http://www.opportunities.org.uk

http://www.shaw-trust.org.uk

I'll look at these as well, thanks. I feel pressured though. I have a PCA review next month and feel panicky. I don't want to obtain the thought of not passing through it

5. I may be well toned etc etc, but I need to lose some of the belly i've added. No-one really notices as i'm tall, but I do notice
This will come back to you hun, when you feel well enough to deal with it. Don't feel bad about it - we've all got something we'd like to change.;)
A passing kangaroo was looking at my tummy the other day - she had her heavy joey in her pouch and she gave me a really jealous look!:eek:
Eureka! I could get work as a mobile roo nursery!:rotfl:

:eek: :eek: :eek: Every little thing matters in our shallow world, sadly I fell ugly and horrible


6. Debts - I keep putting them off - amazing how depression can stop you living I have to sort them, even if only token payments
I'm sure you know that if you gather all the bills together angel, CAB will negotiate that for you or with you.;)

CAB refuse to help because they help my flatmate. One lady accused me of lying, saying she didn't believe flatmate and I were only just friends I'm going to try and do it myself first


7. The ultimate goal - to be happy. I hope to find someone one day that will be my equal and be mature, sensitive and fun. Someone to trust and care for. I know it may be too much to ask as it seems everyone I meet is messed up, immature or into drink/drugs etc etc (or all of it!) Where have all the nice, honest, decent young ladies gone
I was here about 20 years ago hun!:D :rolleyes:
It's the same for all of us angel - we all want those things. Just because someone has mental ill health, it doesn't mean that they can't love the same as - if not better! - than anyone else. But the good guys - and gals - are out there!;)

I just feel unloveable and have done ever since 15 and did before I was 13. Why would anyone want me? I have nothing that people look for. I'm a sub-standard human being

Not alot makes me happy these days and I see no future and feel I am living on borrowed time. My cats are 13 now and my flatmate will hopefully move on and be happy. I feel time is running out.
I'll stop there and maybe go to bed before I have chance to delete it all after regretting the post
Good luck to all tomorrow :wave:/quote
Your time isn't up yet hun and good times will find us to balance out the equation.


You don't ever have to regret what you post here miro.;)

You posted with clarity and dignity and there's more than one of us who can identify with one, some or all of these issues. You should feel proud of yourself and no-one will think any the less of you, for what you've posted.:T :A

I keep telling myself things will change, and they don't




Right - I'm off before the forum police charge me with ''littering with intent'' on the thread again! :cool:
Need a catnap -and 'nip' - now.:rolleyes: Talk later guys.;)
Take care miro. Thinking of you hun.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx



:wave:

Miroslav

consnmattsmom wrote: »

:hello: everyone

I am feeling in a very good mood today, done all of my housework (well apart from the dusting will get back to that later). Had a good weekend really, had a relaxing Saturday. Went to a car boot sale yesterday and then to work.



Miro - Well done on your post it must of been very difficult. Hugs to you too. Hope you are ok today.

Well done on all the housework :T :T :T

I'll get through as normal, you know, can't wait until bedtime.

Have a good day :T

Miroslav

CCStar wrote: »

I'm being a complete !!!!!!, as I had a bad sleep and still recovering from the holiday. There isn't any point in getting dressed only to have my good feeling destroyed by my soul destroying husband. Yes I know I have to leave and there is no reason not to except not knowing where to go.

New England is in the north east of the US with Boston being it's main city.

They certainly spoke about Britney - it is so sad to see her go into such a decline. She has had a gruelling life and she is exhausted - I'm sure she enjoyed many elements tho'. She needs to take time out to recover. She is lucky to have money and not HAVE to work - she seems to court attention in any form and it is making her look a joke. It is a shame, I like her but she has to take time out before she does anything irrepairable.

Whitney Houston seems to have gone the same way. I don't know if it is to do with being famous at a young age and rebelling against the clean cut image they portray but they do so much harm to themselves.

Try and get back into 'normal' life slowly. It's the only way sadly

Ahhhhh, nowhere near Britneyland then

She needs the attention. She's had it since a child and she has to learn the papperazzi won't come and go when she pleases. Yes they are completes !!!!!s and won't give up until they get blood, but she can't handle the fact she's no longer loved by the public (bar me ). People are interested, but her fanbase has shrunk alot, although her new song is set to do well, possibly out of interest. She is the best at getting publicity and making people look, but she has possibly never been quite right and it's now bordering on complete destruction. She needs to be loved by everyone and can't handle things going sour now. She feels love is through sex and she appears to be quite shallow and possibly obnoxious, although I prefer the sweet girl reports rather than the media portrayal. She needs to be a mum and forget the spotlight for a while, sort herself out, sweep clean her friends and family who are not right for her and after her fame and fortune, even her mother was on her ex husbands side with the kids custody, where in reality, neither should be trusted with them right now. The guys she goes with are complete !!!!!! and use her and she has no idea what love is or even friendship as everyone wants her for financial/status reasons and she probably has no real friends - what real friend would not step in and help her rather than encourage her behaviour. She just needs help and love and support, of which she gets none.

I could talk Britney all day :rotfl:

Whitney is indeed the same, as is Lindsay Lohan and alot of stars are struggling right now - The Hoff is in rehab again, Kiefer Sutherland is off to prison as is a girl from 'Lost', Paris Hilton has been and it seems courts are getting tough on the 'stars'

dawnylou

Miroslav

dawnylou wrote: »

Miro - I feel exactly like you do!
I hate getting down about things but can't understand why I should be haunted by something now that is so far in the past.
I don't see the point in seeking help as not only am I embarrassed and ashamed and disgusted at myself, but also who would care or be interetsed in something that happened as long as 15 years ago??
Why can't I just get on with my life?
And does this really have something to do with how I am now? Or am I looking for excuses?

I should have done something at the time.

I am very lucky in the way that I have a fiance, but I don't feel good enough for him. I never have and I probably never will.
At times I have treated him so badly and still he stands by me.
Even after drunken stupors, showing him up in front of his colleagues.

I tried so hard to push him away when I saw that things were getting serious, because no matter how much I love him I have always believed he could do so much better than me.

And my self destruct button seems to be getting larger and claser as each day goes on.
I don't want him to be dragged down by me.
I want him to lead a long and happy life.

I personally think like you do but there has to be something or someone who would be interested as things do affect people for their whole lives. I guess sometimes we have to go back, to go forwards.

Last year, as some people here will testify, I met a young lady and she decided to call it off with me because 'I was too good for her' which broke me. It was only my 2nd 'involvement' since my partner and daughter died as I don't take relationships lightly and it has set me back big time. The other one cheated on me, so my view of relationships are dim, but having had a great one when younger, I know good relationships can happen, although i'm more like a old hillman imp than the more pristine model I was back then I have nothing anyone would want, but I still dream The best thing to do is let him choose what he wants and it seems he's staying :T So make the good times so good, that when you have bad times, the good times are well worth waiting for :T

feelinggood_2

I'm still tormented by something that happened about 9 years ago. I too feel like I should have gotten over it by now - I mean, it wasn't even that bad - people have been through much, much worse.

From the people I've spoken to, it seems normal to still be affected for a long, long time.

The occupational therapist things that I might have PTSD from the 'sexual abuse' that happened when I was 11/12. I suppose I'm glad that she recognised that it was a problem for me. It did also feel a bit 'lighter' to have someone tell me that it was abuse, it wasn't my fault and I didn't ask for it.

I'm hoping to talk to someone about it one day. Hard to find the words though.

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote: »

I'm still tormented by something that happened about 9 years ago. I too feel like I should have gotten over it by now - I mean, it wasn't even that bad - people have been through much, much worse.

From the people I've spoken to, it seems normal to still be affected for a long, long time.

The occupational therapist things that I might have PTSD from the 'sexual abuse' that happened when I was 11/12. I suppose I'm glad that she recognised that it was a problem for me. It did also feel a bit 'lighter' to have someone tell me that it was abuse, it wasn't my fault and I didn't ask for it.

I'm hoping to talk to someone about it one day. Hard to find the words though.

The fact is, no-one should get over anything in any set amount of time. Some people have better support than others. When i've had counselling, people would sooner I talk about now and the future rather than then past, especially sexual abuse! It has just added weight to my claims that it's not important.

Talking about it will be very hard for anyone, it's not like talking about the TV or the weather.

slowlyfading

CCStar wrote: »

Yes I wondered about that - is there a common theme that triggers it?

For me, and this may not be true for feelinggood, but when i cut, something has happened, but most of the time nothing major. For example, last week when I did it, it was because I'd eaten two biscuits. I mean, how pathetic is that? Most of the time, its because i'm angry or disappointed in myself. Dont know how to stop that I think its different for every person.
sf x x

slowlyfading

feelinggood, I am so sorry to hear what happened to you when you were younger. Words cannot describe what you must have gone through, and I'm glad you are even able to type the words. I hope that one day you will be able to talk freely about it, and get the help and support you need about obviously such a difficult subject. ((HUGS))
sf x x