Depression Support Thread

impy78

CCStar wrote: »

Hello, I'm not sure we have crossed paths but I have been a regular on here.

I understand how you feel and suffered some of what you say you do.

Re: direction in life. Do you have a pattern, like you are all enthusiastic then lose interest or when the going is tough you can't cope or are you around negative people who don't share your enthusiasm when you move forward?

I tend to cut people out when I feel low because I am scared of offending them and when I asked for help, I get aggro, so I tend to hole myself away, more so in the winter on the dark nights. The eating tends to alternate between mega binges or not bothering.

Yes. that's it exactly.

Except I get depressed in summer and then a little better in winter.

I have been getting quite edgey with people who are trying to help me. I don't want to be a charity, I just want to be able to regulate myself.

Horasio

Okay, so whilst I am posting and tired, therefore with no concept of what I am writing, I shall post all of my goals. Until very recently, I rarely posted back here after some time away, so here goes...

1. I need to go to the GP. I have a problem that could require surgery, but it's in a delicate area Having been sexually abused when younger, it would take alot of courage to do and I don't have anyone to go with me or if I got to the hospital appointment (should GP say I need one) no-one to go with me there and be with me. It may sound silly, but when you've been the 'victim' of the above crime, you tend to be very withdrawn in certain situations, hence my lack of female involvement in my adult life. My flatmate and I aren't like friends in the way she would come to the hospital with me (I would her, but i'm alot more 'helpful') My GP before booked a hospital appointment for me before, but I chickened out, firstly because the thought of it made me poop myself, secondly, he had the same surname of my 'abuser' which kind of freaked me out more than a bit. Doing this will probably be the toughest thing I will have had to do in my already eventful life and until someone has experienced such a thing, they will never understand how much of you has been taken after it has happened. I'll probably never recover and never be ablke to have a proper relationship (hence a year ago when 'S' was on the scene, I had no idea how to play it so things didn't happen )I wish I had someone special to support me in these situations, but I guess I lost that chance nearly 16 years ago

I am sure the doctor has dealt with your problem before and it might help to talk about how it happened.
2. Another physical problem - my teeth I have 3 that need sorting, but I fear the dentist and he tells me what I want done will cost £700! I don't have that sort of money I also need a 'free' extraction of a broken tooth at the back and I have a lump that my dentist refuses to do anything about (and all 4 dentists have suggested different solutions ) My fear has not been all my life - as a child I was fine, but after meeting a dentist as an adult who insisted on causing as much pain as possible and causing me major troubles (al the things I listed) I now have no trust in dentists.

I know what you mean about dentists - I just dumped ours after letting us down in an emergency. Have you thought of joining a plan and paying in instalments? They charge enough, so look until you find one you like.

3. Getting up/primed/exercise etc etc as described between myself and others earlier.

4. Job.....I really do want one, but it has to be the right one, or my frustrations will be evident and i'll just fail and be back at square one. I'm confident and full of fight one minute and the next, really depressed and defeatist. Everyone is amazed and say 'I don't believe that' when I say I have no confidence - shows you can't judge someone by how they look

5. I may be well toned etc etc, but I need to lose some of the belly i've added. No-one really notices as i'm tall, but I do notice

6. Debts - I keep putting them off - amazing how depression can stop you living I have to sort them, even if only token payments


7. The ultimate goal - to be happy. I hope to find someone one day that will be my equal and be mature, sensitive and fun. Someone to trust and care for. I know it may be too much to ask as it seems everyone I meet is messed up, immature or into drink/drugs etc etc (or all of it!) Where have all the nice, honest, decent young ladies gone

Not alot makes me happy these days and I see no future and feel I am living on borrowed time. My cats are 13 now and my flatmate will hopefully move on and be happy. I feel time is running out.

I'll stop there and maybe go to bed before I have chance to delete it all after regretting the post

Good luck to all tomorrow :wave:

With anything large, you need to break it down into manageable lumps, no matter how small, it is in the right direction. Have you thought of relocating to a different place, there might be better jobs and nicer people.

Horasio

impy78 wrote: »

Yes. that's it exactly.

Except I get depressed in summer and then a little better in winter.

I have been getting quite edgey with people who are trying to help me. I don't want to be a charity, I just want to be able to regulate myself.

I understand the summer depression. it is the time you are meant to be all happy but only other people seem to be - I find it quite lonely, despite being married (I feel my wings are clipped by him but that's another story)

They probably don't understand and doing their best but it is frustrating when they don't get it spot on.

Horasio

Miroslav wrote: »

:rotfl:

It's excessive something When I was working, I was really fatigued there too and my GP put it down to depression.

I want to work, I guess i'm worried about things I'm a friendly chap, but if someone gets on my nerves and/or starts doing things they shouldn't (bullying other employees/stealing), I tend to do something about it and I get in trouble :rotfl: It's a confidence thing and recognising previous experiences and expecting them to rear their ugly heads again.

As for the photo, maybe when i'm more confident There is actually one of me on the web somewhere, doing the rounds, albeit from a few years ago, but i'm not letting anyone know where it is (not that I actually know now as the board shut down ) I'm sure it's somewhere

Work is blooming exhausting even without depression. I have a terrible problem with boredom after a short time. I get really manic then wear out and need to sleep more and the job gets too much which then makes me sensitive and intolerant towards others.

I also despise injustice such as bullying and have to do something.

Horasio

Miroslav wrote: »

Okay, I done the shave and i'm in pain. I have really sensitive skin, which is one of the reasons why I hate shaving

The Nivea cream helps a little, but i'm always really sore after shaving

Is this the face area you are talking about?:eek:

Horasio

Miroslav wrote: »

Does anybody have any ideas on how to get more energy?

I know depression makes you tired anyway, but even my bodybuilding techniques etc aren't working these days, i'm very tired and have no energy for anything!

I'm eating well and plenty of fruit and veg, but when I see my weights, I manage a few and get too tired to do anymore, which is poor for a man of my standard

I'm always tired and by the time 4/5pm comes, i'm really struggling to even get out of my seat........i'm 31 and after years of bodybuilding, pretty fit still.

I sleep reasonably well - 8-10 hours per night with 1 or 2 brief wake-ups most nights. I get the odd night where sleep is poor.

I'm just fed up of being miserable and tired at the same time, let alone either apart.

With no-one to talk to about my mindset, with exception to my counsellor once a fortnight, it gets pretty tough.

It would be easy to give in and go to bed, but in all honesty, I don't think i'm tired as in tired to sleep, just tired of life which is making me physically tired too

I have times of day that I feel fatigued, it is worse after dark and too early to goto bed. It is part of the day cycle.

Have you taken time to fantasise about anything that makes you happy even if you can't do it?

impy78

CCStar wrote: »

I understand the summer depression. it is the time you are meant to be all happy but only other people seem to be - I find it quite lonely, despite being married (I feel my wings are clipped by him but that's another story)

They probably don't understand and doing their best but it is frustrating when they don't get it spot on.

I feel !!!!!!, because I know they love me. But a part of me feels like they should respect the way I choose to run my life too. And sometimes I just want privacy, (hard in a house share with three other girls!)

But most of all, it's just myself I am annoyed with. i love all the positive things people have been saying since I started losing weight, and I felt good about myself for the first time in years. But this week has been horrendous! I have eaten enough to feed an army, and I have been drinking heavily.

impy78

Oh !!!!.

I just read Miro's post.

I'm so sorry, My post is trivial and petty and I feel ashamed and self absorbed for posting it.

I give you all my love.

Horasio

feelinggood wrote: »

No more diazepam Not sure what I'll do with out that. I'm going to try and get through today without drinking/self-harming/overeating. Thats all I can do. I don't feel that I'm able to though.

Not allowed to cut my antidepressant dose down

Not able to speed my referal up

I've got to try and persuade OH to go to relate with me.

Hi FG

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Is you OH being more supportive and is he reluctant to goto Relate. My OH was awful when we went, every time I spoke, he ranted at me - the poor woman didn't handle it either. It is all well and good having counselling on your own but if you OH seems to go against you, it is blooming stressful.

Emotionally, I feel I have watch how tired I get or how happy I get, both are dangerous when I am with him which is a strain watching I don't get too tired or happy around him, as I am more sensitive to anything negative during those times.

I would like it if I could be me without worrying how he will affect me, for example, he brings up boring jobs when I am feeling dead, yet when he is tired, he refuses to deal with it. Always on his terms and feel he withdraws when I feel good about anything, so I have stopped having a life outside the home as the contrast is too much and he always gets the better of me.

I have wanted to leave for years, before it was lack of money, then our son being young, now there is no reason but I have no idea where I want to go or what I can do anymore. Being over 40 makes me feel no-one will want me and am over the hill. At 25 and 30 I felt the world was more accessable for me.

I feel trapped yet I am free to leave.

Horasio

impy78 wrote: »

Oh !!!!.

I just read Miro's post.

I'm so sorry, My post is trivial and petty and I feel ashamed and self absorbed for posting it.

I give you all my love.

No bad feeling is trivial, if something is troubling you, it is unpleasant for you. I have had people say to me, there are plenty worse off than you but does it help you feel better? I feel sorry for those who have it worse but it doesn't stop your own pain.

Well done on the weight loss:)

I know what will sort out a major source of my problem but need to get the courage to do it. I have felt so alone all my life, despite seeming to have a caring family, in some cases they have contributed to my low feeling by being aggressive and bullying. I felt so wretched that I couldn't make the friends who could support me and move forward. It makes you lose trust in others when you feel your family aren't giving you the support you need.

If you can source the reason, be it a person, where you live or work, then work out how to change it.