Paying more than girlfriend into mortgage dilema

Altarf

It is a waste of time anybody making any suggestion that the OP wants to hear.

What you have is two people with opposite views, one acting 'logically' the other acting 'emotionally'.

If you satisfy one, the other will be unhappy.

harrpau7 wrote: »

When I brought it up she said that if that happened she wouldn't feel like it was her house, that she would be a tennant and that if got back every penny I paid in she wouldn't have anything if the worst happened, felt dead guilty.

davenport151

freeman3030 wrote: »

I too haven't read the whole thread but can appreciate what the OP is saying as my partner and I were in a similar situation last year.
My partner pays the mortgage, insurances and council tax whereI pay the utility bills, but it's very much treated as 'our' home. If he were to say that I live in 'his' house, I would tell him That He's eating 'my' food and Using 'my' electric.

I am very good at decorating and DIY and renovated our home with my dad's help. Seeing as I pay out less, I then paid for our new bathroom which my dad fitted for us. Also (in my partners words) I've made our house a home. So even if I don't pay in financially for the ptoperty, I've helped add value and keep the house running. I don't know how things work in your relationship, but I cook, clean, do clothes washing etc. purely because I feel like I'm a financial burden on my partner and I appreciate that he pays out a lot. So my point is, even though she may not pay in as much as you, she may well be paying in her time for you which can often be overlooked. A relationship isn't a business and before you commit to buying a home together, commit to one and other first.

You only need to read a few posts up to see similar points have been raised. This is what I thought.
I would be very uncomfortable being the 'non contributer' in this.

Goldiegirl

freeman3030 wrote: »

I too haven't read the whole thread but can appreciate what the OP is saying as my partner and I were in a similar situation last year.
My partner pays the mortgage, insurances and council tax whereI pay the utility bills, but it's very much treated as 'our' home. If he were to say that I live in 'his' house, I would tell him That He's eating 'my' food and Using 'my' electric.

I am very good at decorating and DIY and renovated our home with my dad's help. Seeing as I pay out less, I then paid for our new bathroom which my dad fitted for us. Also (in my partners words) I've made our house a home. So even if I don't pay in financially for the ptoperty, I've helped add value and keep the house running. I don't know how things work in your relationship, but I cook, clean, do clothes washing etc. purely because I feel like I'm a financial burden on my partner and I appreciate that he pays out a lot. So my point is, even though she may not pay in as much as you, she may well be paying in her time for you which can often be overlooked. A relationship isn't a business and before you commit to buying a home together, commit to one and other first.

I couldn't be like that in a relationship.


In our partnership, all the money that is earned goes into a central pot. It doesn't matter who earns what, everything is shared. (over the years, at times my husband has been the higher earner, other times it's been me, other times we've earned similar - but it's always been 'ours').


Likewise with chores and jobs around the house - we share, regardless of our income at the time.


I just couldn't be in a relationship where I felt I was a financial burden and not an equal partner.

TrickyDicky101

My wife and I have a very clear understanding: what's mine is ours and what's hers is her own.

davenport151

~74 -Yes but my point is surely that input should count towards the value of the house anyway. What is done daily/weekly/periodically to the house should contribute to the overall finance situation.

Vikaroo

I think this post is really quite sad.

My partner and I who are 27 and 23 have just finished saving for our house and were saving for 18 months. For 6 of those my partner was off as he has a spinal condition that at times can flare up so bad he can barely do a thing.

We are about to exchange contracts.

We earn different amounts I earn 21k while he earns around 15k except for when he is sick and only earns 300 a month statutory sick pay.

He is well now and our plan is to pay all our money into one account, pay all the bills and split whats left.

If he were to be ruled permenantly unfit for work then my wages would cover all the bills and we would have very little left but I would still view it as ours and not 'mine'. If we were to split he would get 50% regardless because I couldnt see him without and we are part of a team if u like and there is no I in team.

I personally think you are being very selfish. If you are comitted in a relationship you should be treated as equals. Old fashioned as that might be its old fashioned views that keep people together no wonder 40% of relationships fail if they all have views like yours.

Goldiegirl

davenport151 wrote: »

~74 -Yes but my point is surely that input should count towards the value of the house anyway. What is done daily/weekly/periodically to the house should contribute to the overall finance situation.

Yes, absolutely -Freeman3030 is playing an important role in the partnership - and is therefore an equal partner - not a financial burden as they described themself

Mr_F_Dorsetty

Vikaroo wrote: »

I think this post is really quite sad.

My partner and I who are 27 and 23 have just finished saving for our house and were saving for 18 months. For 6 of those my partner was off as he has a spinal condition that at times can flare up so bad he can barely do a thing.

We are about to exchange contracts.

We earn different amounts I earn 21k while he earns around 15k except for when he is sick and only earns 300 a month statutory sick pay.

He is well now and our plan is to pay all our money into one account, pay all the bills and split what's left.

If he were to be ruled permanently unfit for work then my wages would cover all the bills and we would have very little left but I would still view it as ours and not 'mine'. If we were to split he would get 50% regardless because I couldn't see him without and we are part of a team if you like and there is no I in team.

I personally think you are being very selfish. If you are committed in a relationship you should be treated as equals. Old fashioned as that might be its old fashioned views that keep people together no wonder 40% of relationships fail if they all have views like yours.

As I have said earlier, the way the OP talks is certainly not how I view life.

Of course, we are certainly all different but what you do in your life and the choices you make sets the tone of your life. The saying 'Money doesn't buy you happiness' comes from somewhere.

Money gets you choice, nothing more, just choice. The love of money for money's sake tends to get you money, but nothing more - I've been there and lived that, so I do know how that particular cookie crumbles.

In my personal experience it has come to pass that I have realised it is people who make your life worthwhile not your bank balance.

I've done a lot of things in my life, some fascinating, some dangerous and some plain dumb. One of the things which brings me a great deal of pleasure, and in a way for me anyway says "You're not so bad after all' is that when I met my wife I also took on her young two kids. No great glory in that it was just the right thing to do. We brought them up, we paid for everything as their father made no contribution.

But, when 'our' daughter turned 18 years old she immediately changed her surname by deed poll to our surname - you see, you can't buy that.

questionss

When DH and I first moved into together I moved into his flat and paid nothing but bought the groceries etc.

We were house hunting. I was a new (1yr) graduate & had no deposit saved to speak of. He had £50000 equity or thereabouts!

We were looking for a property in 2006 around the £250000 mark... I could afford half the mortgage. We initially discussed that his £50000 would be protected in the event of a split before marriage - we were not engaged but it was on the cards. He then said no a protection of his £50000 would not be fair if the house dropped in value and following much heart to heart we decided that he would be entitled to 20% of the value of the property (after selling fees etc) or his £50000 whichever was the lessor. Luckily we married 18mths later and things have gone from strength to strength. He saved funds for overpayments and started to make them as soon as we were married. He currently earns a lot more than me as I look after our kids but he would not be able to work his hours/jobs if I wasn't here providing home support. I have a good profession and in time once the kids are older he hopes to focus elsewhere whilst I take over the bulk of the financial responsibilities (although hopefully without a mortgage by then.)

If you do protect "your" money I think it is important that this is done as a percentage value in the case of a falling market not an absolute value or your GF could loose out disproportionately.

davenport151

Mr_F_Dorsetty wrote: »

As I have said earlier, the way the OP talks is certainly not how I view life.

Of course, we are certainly all different but what you do in your life and the choices you make sets the tone of your life. The saying 'Money doesn't buy you happiness' comes from somewhere.

Money gets you choice, nothing more, just choice. The love of money for money's sake tends to get you money, but nothing more - I've been there and lived that, so I do know how that particular cookie crumbles.

In my personal experience it has come to pass that I have realised it is people who make your life worthwhile not your bank balance.

I've done a lot of things in my life, some fascinating, some dangerous and some plain dumb. One of the things which brings me a great deal of pleasure, and in a way for me anyway says "You're not so bad after all' is that when I met my wife I also took on her young two kids. No great glory in that it was just the right thing to do. We brought them up, we paid for everything as their father made no contribution.

But, when 'our' daughter turned 18 years old she immediately changed her surname by deed poll to our surname - you see, you can't buy that.

That last bit says it all doesn't it. Totally off the subject but as my 'dad' was never around I always thought that anyone who stepped in and did the actual 'raising' was the real deal.