Paying more than girlfriend into mortgage dilema

POPPYOSCAR

I think I am missing something here -what has 1 of 4 children got to do with anything?

JimmyTheWig

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I think I am missing something here -what has 1 of 4 children got to do with anything?

The OP was asked if they were an only child.
They're not.

getmore4less

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I really should not like the above post but strangely I do!

Not sure why you think that.

It is plain talking from someone that messed up twice so probably knows a thing or two, as they say it is their opinion so you can take it or leave it.

POPPYOSCAR

getmore4less wrote: »

Not sure why you think that.

It is plain talking from someone that messed up twice so probably knows a thing or two, as they say it is their opinion so you can take it or leave it.

It certainly is and I rather liked it.

POPPYOSCAR

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

The OP was asked if they were an only child.
They're not.

I see, I did miss something. Thank you for that.

harrpau7

Thank you for all the replies, been very interesting seeing how touchy people get!!

Some good advice though, I have actually shown my G/F this thread and we had a giggle at some people who like to talk like this on a forum.

For the people who actually didn't get personal, I appreciate your comments, I didn't come on here to try and justify my line of thought, I wanted to know and do whats best. I have spoken to friends and family regarding this matter too, and not one of them had personal digs at me, some people agreed with me, some didn't.

I have looked at other sites too with similar threads and they all go the same way, so it was to be expected, I even touched on how people would respond in my opening post.

If people still want to dig personally at me, I have an inbox, post it there and I will be happy to discuss further.

Once again though, for the people who are mature, I thank you for your time and thoughts, definately helped me and I am better off now then 36 odd hours ago. Just gotta find a house we both like now, sick of renting!

Take care all (even the haters).

Bufger

harrpau7 wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies, been very interesting seeing how touchy people get!!

Some good advice though, I have actually shown my G/F this thread and we had a giggle at some people who like to talk like this on a forum.

For the people who actually didn't get personal, I appreciate your comments, I didn't come on here to try and justify my line of thought, I wanted to know and do whats best. I have spoken to friends and family regarding this matter too, and not one of them had personal digs at me, some people agreed with me, some didn't.

I have looked at other sites too with similar threads and they all go the same way, so it was to be expected, I even touched on how people would respond in my opening post.

If people still want to dig personally at me, I have an inbox, post it there and I will be happy to discuss further.

Once again though, for the people who are mature, I thank you for your time and thoughts, definately helped me and I am better off now then 36 odd hours ago. Just gotta find a house we both like now, sick of renting!

Take care all (even the haters).

It is funny how touchy people get. It's funny how people perceive maturity (ie an opinion they don't like is immature). It's funny how people ask for advice but don't really want it.

What isn't funny though is a partner being made to feel like a lesser half to the other. I'm a big believer in karma and at some point in your life when she's earning loads more than you but protects her assets and you don't like the divide I want you to remember this

Best of luck to you both, bit slightly more to her for putting up with you (that was an immature comment, feel free to report so I can reflect on how much I don't give a :cool:)

POPPYOSCAR

harrpau7 wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies, been very interesting seeing how touchy people get!!

Some good advice though, I have actually shown my G/F this thread and we had a giggle at some people who like to talk like this on a forum.

For the people who actually didn't get personal, I appreciate your comments, I didn't come on here to try and justify my line of thought, I wanted to know and do whats best. I have spoken to friends and family regarding this matter too, and not one of them had personal digs at me, some people agreed with me, some didn't.

I have looked at other sites too with similar threads and they all go the same way, so it was to be expected, I even touched on how people would respond in my opening post.

If people still want to dig personally at me, I have an inbox, post it there and I will be happy to discuss further.

Once again though, for the people who are mature, I thank you for your time and thoughts, definately helped me and I am better off now then 36 odd hours ago. Just gotta find a house we both like now, sick of renting!

Take care all (even the haters).

Sorry Op but it is you that has been the touchy one here.

Your OP was not asking for advice as to how to go about it but rather asking for confirmation that what you wanted to do was right.

Reporting the post you did for the reasons you gave was laughable and as for people being "haters", quite dramatic do you not think?

I am all for sticking up for posters that do ask for advice and get a raw deal in return but I have to say you do not fall into that camp on this occasion.

Mr_F_Dorsetty

"Life will find them out...." my Grandma used to say and as I have gotten older, I'd have to agree.

Everyday we all make many thousands of decisions, yes/no, shall I shan't I, will I won't I and so forth. Let's call them micro decisions.

The thing is that 99% of these micro decisions take us down a path and effectively they surround us with what we have chosen by our basic outlook.

Happy, decent sharing people, tend to have good friends and a decent life. Miserable self centred people tend to have a miserable self centred life with 'friends' who'd turn them over in a second and a life which is metaphorically speaking, dark and dismal.

I once made the very serious mistake of marrying a woman who liked money, not spending money, just loved money and loved hoarding money. When I met her she was literally living in a falling down dump of a house, sure she had vast sums in the bank but lived like a tramp. I thought I saw a decent person inside so set about helping her to live a pleasant life. She seemed to have overcome her issues and we got on well enough to marry.

After marrying her I learned why she didn't talk to her mother, because she felt her mother owed her money. I also learnt that the mother had reported the son, my then wife's brother to the inland revenue for tax evasion, because the mother said he owed her money. Nest of vipers sprung to mind.

Anyhow, both of us worked flat out and barely saw each other because of that and her love of money rapidly re-surfaced.

After a few years we had a £30k mortgage but owned 6 six large houses both in the UK and abroad, we had well over £100k cash in the bank plus who knows what else in investments. I was earning 7 figures at the time and she constantly complained that I wasn't earning enough... really? We lived in a 6 bed detached, just us two, not big enough apparently. I was getting pretty tired of it all.

Then at my fathers funeral she complained like hell because I had paid £100 toward the food.... I drove us home, packed a bag and left.

As I'd been bankrupt previous to my meeting her she'd insisted most everything was in her name, so I effectively got nothing in the end. Why didn't I fight her? Mostly because it's just money and frankly, I don't care about money and the real gift of that divorce was to get shot of her, the sooner the better.

Now I am married to a wonderful woman and have been for the last 10 years, we have no money worries at all because of her earnings (I'm now fully disabled and cannot work) but neither is money important, money is never even mentioned in our house.

My ex-wife was seen by someone I known lately, she has returned to looking like a bag lady, her mother has died apparently which means that she has at least another £1 Million in the bank... and that is all she has, money.

It doesn't strike me as a great way to live but I'm sure she is happy surrounded by all her money... but I couldn't live like that.

Life really does find you out and money I've found is ultimately nothing important in the scale of what matters. Our family and friends are all that matters, it is only by their remembering us that we ever existed.

chewmylegoff

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Talk to your solicitor .. they'll know better than us lot... ask about a deed of trust

I had one to protect my £20k deposit (vs girlfriend's £0 deposit) in the event of the split - but that it became 1/2 hers when we got married. Dunno about how it works in an ongoing fashion - your mortgage is effectively going to be 50% you, 50% her, x% overpayments protected in your name

Maybe ask about a Cohabitation Agreement too

To be honest, when I moved in with my girlfriend, we just treated everything as 'ours' even though I was paying the full mortgage and a lot of the bills. Planning for if you split up is a bit sad I think

That's easy to say but when there is a large discrepancy in your respective financial positions it is a bit different in practice. I am in the same boat as OP and am going down the offset route with separate savings accounts with which to "overpay" the mortgage. I am also putting down a deposit of over four times my annual gross salary and she is putting down roughly £0, so I will be protecting that deposit with appropriate legal agreements, not because I don't trust her or because I think we will split up but because it would be moronic not to.

It is simply an insurance policy - you might as well say that taking out critical illness cover is planning to get ill. It isn't, it is making sure that if the worst possible eventuality happens then you are in a position to deal with it.