Paying more than girlfriend into mortgage dilema

harrpau7

Mr_F_Dorsetty wrote: »

Unfortunately money is practical, not emotional in reality and it doesn't have morals.

Within a week of meeting my wife, there has been 'our money' - she was studying and was in debt and skint, I was earning a fortune and had 7 figure savings... so within a month she had no debt, a debit card for my account and a new car plus I'd moved 250 miles to be with her 24/7 and support her. we were married in under 9 months.

Now a decade on I've gone from fully able and working to fully disabled and not working. My wife is now a Doctor not a student... so now she looks after me and cares for me as I am unable to work. That is how life should work, mate imo. In sickness and health, rich or poor... married or not imo, look after your partner, what you do to them defines you as a person.

But my advice to you is either:

* See a solicitor and get an agreement made up outlining what is what and what % at sale each should gain down to the last bean

OR

* Get married, end of issue... everyone gets half.

Other than that it'll tear you apart, because your view of money is different to hers I suspect and your obvious innate 'careful' attitude will get right up her nose sooner of later. Ultimately it looks to me like at a push you care more about money than your G/F... and I'd bet money you're an only child

It won't be this issue which will do for your relationship of course, it is always a little thing..

So before she realises she just hates the way you cook toast or eat crisps, make a decision - sort it and yourself out.

One of 4 children, getting too personal there.

Sorting myself out, far too personal and just nasty in general, both comments I have reported you for.

Me and the G/F discussed it last night and no she is now happy to proceed this way, taking potentially 10 years off the mortgage and saving thousands of pounds by me saving extra money must be a good idea......

[Deleted User]

Skip the overpayments and get a better car. You know it makes sense

Or, you know, go see a solicitor since any verbal agreement you make with the GF will be meaningless.

JimmyTheWig

OP, I always think of posting on a public forum like this the same as asking the question while stood at the bar of a pub. You'll get all sorts of answers and opinions. Some of which you'll like, some of which you won't.
If you can't bear to hear the ones you don't like then don't ask in public.

I agree with the people who have suggested a savings account.
I completely agree with you that it is (generally) better to pay money off the mortgage than to have it sat in savings (especially if you are a high income tax payer). But most of that benefit comes from compound interest. The fact that the money will be working against your mortgage for 10+ years means even a small difference in interest rate is significant.

But you are planning on getting married at which point (I presume) all money will be yours as a couple and the house will be owned equally between you. You may even decide to make this step before you marry (e.g. on getting engaged).
So we are only talking about a few years when it would be easiest if you kept your spare money away from the mortgage.

Build up your savings pot. Earn interest on it. Pay half the mortgage.
If you split then you've got your savings and will get your house deposit back and half the equity.
If you don't split and you commit to each other financially then use the savings to knock a chunk off the mortgage and everyone's happy.


[Alternatively, how about you just buy the house yourself?]

Mrs_Z

OP - in your shoes I would register the ownership of the property as Tenants in Common (rather than Joint Tenants) and work out which % stake each one of you have in the property. Then split the mortgage payments according the same percentage - that will allow you to contribute more but you will also have a bigger stake in the property.

getmore4less

Mrs_Z wrote: »

OP - in your shoes I would register the ownership of the property as Tenants in Common (rather than Joint Tenants) and work out which % stake each one of you have in the property. Then split the mortgage payments according the same percentage - that will allow you to contribute more but you will also have a bigger stake in the property.

The OH may not be keen on this.

POPPYOSCAR

harrpau7 wrote: »

One of 4 children, getting too personal there.

Sorting myself out, far too personal and just nasty in general, both comments I have reported you for.

Me and the G/F discussed it last night and no she is now happy to proceed this way, taking potentially 10 years off the mortgage and saving thousands of pounds by me saving extra money must be a good idea......

You have reported that poster for saying sort yourself out:rotfl:

Really Op I do not think MSE is the right place for you.

getmore4less

harrpau7 wrote: »

Me and the G/F discussed it last night and no she is now happy to proceed this way, taking potentially 10 years off the mortgage and saving thousands of pounds by me saving extra money must be a good idea......

What have you decided?

you need to be able to describe it and the exit plans/conditions.

not just splitting up, but deaths, loss of income, illness incapacity etc.

Mr_F_Dorsetty

harrpau7 wrote: »

One of 4 children, getting too personal there.

Sorting myself out, far too personal and just nasty in general, both comments I have reported you for.

Me and the G/F discussed it last night and no she is now happy to proceed this way, taking potentially 10 years off the mortgage and saving thousands of pounds by me saving extra money must be a good idea......

LOL... I do so love people getting all upset on the internet, what's it actually matter what anyone says?

In my life harrpau7, I have been shot at many times and I've certainly shot back. I've been bankrupt twice and married 3 times, I have seen and done all sorts of things, many of which would turn Obama white and other peoples underwear brown. Now, do you think I actually care about anything outside of my wife, kids and dog? Let alone what anyone says on an internet site?

So good for you matey boy, report away :cool:

But if you don't want answers, then don't ask. You surely cannot complain about disliking 'personal' answers when you ask a very personal question... you were/are actually talking about your relationship.

What you were actually asking people was to tell you that what you think is OK and that they agree with your basic tenet - I don't think it is OK for anyone to treat their partner in that manner in anyway and I've said so.

Doesn't make me right or wrong, it is what I think and I am not going to agree with you to make you feel better

However, as I've obviously touched a nerve son, I suggest you look at why that is for your own future. You can attempt to shoot the messenger but it changes squat in reality. does it now.

Now suddenly she is happy? OK, fine. Perhaps she is, or perhaps you've worn her down and she just can't be bothered to talk about it anymore?

People do that you know, they say OK but do not mean it in their deepest recesses, plus most men it seems are pretty poor at taking hints.

As someone who has had two very expensive divorces, mostly because I didn't listen to the little inner voice saying "No, no no!" I'd personally work out 100% which one it is if I were you.

I'm sure that is all way too personal so please, report me again or if you haven't the time tell me and I'll report myself for you.


PS 4 kids eh... this is why I don't gamble

POPPYOSCAR

I really should not like the above post but strangely I do!

JustinCredibleGillespie

And me.....lol.