Paying more than girlfriend into mortgage dilema

globetraveller

harrpau7 wrote: »

I drive a Ford Fiesta......



If the roles were reversed I would be delighted, someone paying off my mortgage years early?? No brainer.



If I put an extra £3,000 in a year for 15 years, thats £45,000. I would want that back before the rest of the profit is divided equally. But of that £45,000, a 50% split is £22,500 each. My g/f would be £22,500 'worse off' from me spending £45,000. But we would owe less/nowt on the mortgage and would save £xx,xxx on interest, so there would be a bigger pot to divide and lower/0 monthly mortgage payments.

Can't see what the problem is, like I said if shoe was on t'other foot I would be made up.

Shouldn't it be "our mortgage" and not my one? I'm not surprised your gf feels like she is a tenant. In the early days of a relationship I think you are right to think that you might split and think about what you are putting in to the mortgage(and I do agree with a clause about the deposit). But rather than overpay why not put the money into other savings until you are happy that you are now in a stable relationship.
If you are viewing relationship splits so far ahead that you have paid your mortgage off, and you are discussing this with your gf you might find she becomes an ex gf sooner rather than later. You are in a MSE forum so of course you are thinking about finances but think about how you may be coming across to your gf. Perhaps you have been hurt in the past?

chewmylegoff

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Chewmylegoff I hope it does work for you, and it may well do, but I think the point that some are making is that although the other partner may appear to be ok with it, deep down they may not be in reality.

I can only speak from my personal experience and it is those couples who do not share everything including finances that I have seen end up with the problems in their relationship.

I have seen two divorces and another relationship about to break up because of it in one way or another, all who seemed happy to go along with it at first.

I've seen plenty of examples of relationships breaking down when financial affairs were shared, and I doubt putting all of my money into a joint account would have stopped my ex cheating. Personally I think it's more important to talk about it and not to hide anything from OH than to just jam all my money into a joint account in some kind of overt demonstration of commitment.

POPPYOSCAR

chewmylegoff wrote: »

I've seen plenty of examples of relationships breaking down when financial affairs were shared, and I doubt putting all of my money into a joint account would have stopped my ex cheating. Personally I think it's more important to talk about it and not to hide anything from OH than to just jam all my money into a joint account in some kind of overt demonstration of commitment.

This is one of the reasons a relationship I know is breaking down, because although at first she accepted it she now feels that he is not committed because he will not have a joint account etc. and that they are not really 'a couple' but two people living together in the same house.

OurKev

Except from fairly rare circumstances, couples usually have different financial standing (wages, savings, property, potential legacies (only child v lots of siblings), insurance policies, prospects for promotion, health, etc. etc.).

Drawing up a contract to cover all eventualities in a "totally fair" manner is not practicable.

There are of course ways of covering individual issues (as per this thread), but as we see people's feelings can be hurt and worry/insecurity caused.

I personally would be very distrustful/hurt of a partner of mine suggesting such a contract - in a similar way to them having lobster while I ate fish fingers because they were paying a higher share of the housekeeping, they drive a car while I get the bus, they go on holiday with friends while I stay at home......

The contribution of each partner is not only measured in finance - how is the workload shared, does one partner bill the other for the extra housework/cooking/shopping/decorating?

But life's not fair and many couples I know have an unequal split of earnings/wealth/housework and "benefits".

Reminds me of the old country classic song "No Charge".

davenport151

OurKev wrote: »

Except from fairly rare circumstances, couples usually have different financial standing (wages, savings, property, potential legacies (only child v lots of siblings), insurance policies, prospects for promotion, health, etc. etc.).

Drawing up a contract to cover all eventualities in a "totally fair" manner is not practicable.

There are of course ways of covering individual issues (as per this thread), but as we see people's feelings can be hurt and worry/insecurity caused.

I personally would be very distrustful/hurt of a partner of mine suggesting such a contract - in a similar way to them having lobster while I ate fish fingers because they were paying a higher share of the housekeeping, they drive a car while I get the bus, they go on holiday with friends while I stay at home......

The contribution of each partner is not only measured in finance - how is the workload shared, does one partner bill the other for the extra housework/cooking/shopping/decorating?

But life's not fair and many couples I know have an unequal split of earnings/wealth/housework and "benefits".

Reminds me of the old country classic song "No Charge".

See my post #60. Similar point

goodmorningsunshine

Mr_F_Dorsetty wrote: »

"Life will find them out...." my Grandma used to say and as I have gotten older, I'd have to agree.

Everyday we all make many thousands of decisions, yes/no, shall I shan't I, will I won't I and so forth. Let's call them micro decisions.

The thing is that 99% of these micro decisions take us down a path and effectively they surround us with what we have chosen by our basic outlook.

Happy, decent sharing people, tend to have good friends and a decent life. Miserable self centred people tend to have a miserable self centred life with 'friends' who'd turn them over in a second and a life which is metaphorically speaking, dark and dismal.

I once made the very serious mistake of marrying a woman who liked money, not spending money, just loved money and loved hoarding money. When I met her she was literally living in a falling down dump of a house, sure she had vast sums in the bank but lived like a tramp. I thought I saw a decent person inside so set about helping her to live a pleasant life. She seemed to have overcome her issues and we got on well enough to marry.

After marrying her I learned why she didn't talk to her mother, because she felt her mother owed her money. I also learnt that the mother had reported the son, my then wife's brother to the inland revenue for tax evasion, because the mother said he owed her money. Nest of vipers sprung to mind.

Anyhow, both of us worked flat out and barely saw each other because of that and her love of money rapidly re-surfaced.

After a few years we had a £30k mortgage but owned 6 six large houses both in the UK and abroad, we had well over £100k cash in the bank plus who knows what else in investments. I was earning 7 figures at the time and she constantly complained that I wasn't earning enough... really? We lived in a 6 bed detached, just us two, not big enough apparently. I was getting pretty tired of it all.

Then at my fathers funeral she complained like hell because I had paid £100 toward the food.... I drove us home, packed a bag and left.

As I'd been bankrupt previous to my meeting her she'd insisted most everything was in her name, so I effectively got nothing in the end. Why didn't I fight her? Mostly because it's just money and frankly, I don't care about money and the real gift of that divorce was to get shot of her, the sooner the better.

Now I am married to a wonderful woman and have been for the last 10 years, we have no money worries at all because of her earnings (I'm now fully disabled and cannot work) but neither is money important, money is never even mentioned in our house.

My ex-wife was seen by someone I known lately, she has returned to looking like a bag lady, her mother has died apparently which means that she has at least another £1 Million in the bank... and that is all she has, money.

It doesn't strike me as a great way to live but I'm sure she is happy surrounded by all her money... but I couldn't live like that.

Life really does find you out and money I've found is ultimately nothing important in the scale of what matters. Our family and friends are all that matters, it is only by their remembering us that we ever existed.

Well said.

"Your health really is your wealth"

Anonimas

goodmorningsunshine wrote: »

Well said.

"Your health really is your wealth"

My opinion is that a lot of these opinions are whimsical takes from a by gone era. Life has changed a lot.

Some of the personal anecdotes shared, are tales of karma enacting revenge - but everyone's circumstances are different. I'm in a similar situation as the thread author and I don't think I'm going to let "karma" be my safety net or protection should the worst happen.

I think protecting your financial input is a wise choice, if it doesn't work out, you get what you put in back. If it does everyone's happy and your partner has a nice investment on the cheap! :beer:

Maybe move into a shanty hut that they can easily match you 50/50 on, see how happy they are with that.

What's the % of failure in marriages these days? ~40%

The cold hard facts say "cover your !!!!" ... but don't be a !!!!!! about it.

hieveryone

Haven't read the whole thread but thought I'd add my view/opinion.

My partner and I will soon be looking to purchase 'our' house.

In my younger years, I was a student, took on debt etc, spent silly.
He left school and got a trade, got a job. He saved hard for a flat, saved hard again and got himself a house, which now has x amount of equity in it.

When we buy our new house, he will put that equity in as a deposit. I have no deposit. We have agreed that we will get a document drawn up to state that if we split, he gets his deposit back.

I don't see what's wrong with that at all - that was his money before he met me and I understand his desire to protect it.

If/when we get married I think it'd be a little different, but that's a bridge we will cross at the time.

freeman3030

I too haven't read the whole thread but can appreciate what the OP is saying as my partner and I were in a similar situation last year.
My partner pays the mortgage, insurances and council tax whereI pay the utility bills, but it's very much treated as 'our' home. If he were to say that I live in 'his' house, I would tell him That He's eating 'my' food and Using 'my' electric.

I am very good at decorating and DIY and renovated our home with my dad's help. Seeing as I pay out less, I then paid for our new bathroom which my dad fitted for us. Also (in my partners words) I've made our house a home. So even if I don't pay in financially for the ptoperty, I've helped add value and keep the house running. I don't know how things work in your relationship, but I cook, clean, do clothes washing etc. purely because I feel like I'm a financial burden on my partner and I appreciate that he pays out a lot. So my point is, even though she may not pay in as much as you, she may well be paying in her time for you which can often be overlooked. A relationship isn't a business and before you commit to buying a home together, commit to one and other first.

getmore4less

hieveryone wrote: »

Haven't read the whole thread but thought I'd add my view/opinion.

My partner and I will soon be looking to purchase 'our' house.

In my younger years, I was a student, took on debt etc, spent silly.
He left school and got a trade, got a job. He saved hard for a flat, saved hard again and got himself a house, which now has x amount of equity in it.

When we buy our new house, he will put that equity in as a deposit. I have no deposit. We have agreed that we will get a document drawn up to state that if we split, he gets his deposit back.

I don't see what's wrong with that at all - that was his money before he met me and I understand his desire to protect it.

If/when we get married I think it'd be a little different, but that's a bridge we will cross at the time.

That is the same as him giving you 1/2 the deposit as an interest free loan.

It would be much fairer for that deposit to buy a share of the house.