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Relationship problem
Comments
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What are the things he actually blame you for? People who avoid 'talking' are usually those who feel guilty about their behaviour or thoughts and turn things around to cope with their feelings. At the same time, maybe what you see as excuses could be very real to him. It would help to know what it is.
Also, you have mentioned the physical side of things. I know it sounds horrible, but could he not feel as physically attracted to you any longer? It could be that he feels terrible about it, doesn't want to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but ultimately, it is affecting his feelings and the relationship. Hopefully not the case, but I have heard of things going wrong in a relationship because of it.0 -
I don't have anywhere else to stay, apart from my parents all my family are hundreds of miles away, the kids are at school so really don't want to disrupt their routine.
Whatever you do, don't leave the house. You and the children have a priority interest in the family home.
You have been managing the finances without him contributing much over the last year so have confidence that you will continue to do so.
If he's not willing to talk, he's not leaving you any alternative but to take action. You will feel better once you do some practical things.0 -
You sound like a great mum, my girls were 5 and 7 and adapted really well to the change. I spoke to their teacher and the girls got support from the school. I found it so difficult at first because I was so lonely but it got easier. Three years on and my girls are thriving0
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He does have a hobby which involves a couple of hours on a couple of Sundays a month. He isn't either at work or with me constantly, sorry think I was being a bit misleading, when I said he doesn't go out, I meant late home from work, suspicious nights out, etc.
The money is not being hoarded, I really don't want to go into great detail, but it comes in and then he has work related things to pay he works in construction and uses subcontractures etc.
No we don't have shared finances, this is due to a previous business failure.0 -
What are the things he actually blame you for? People who avoid 'talking' are usually those who feel guilty about their behaviour or thoughts and turn things around to cope with their feelings. At the same time, maybe what you see as excuses could be very real to him. It would help to know what it is.
Also, you have mentioned the physical side of things. I know it sounds horrible, but could he not feel as physically attracted to you any longer? It could be that he feels terrible about it, doesn't want to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but ultimately, it is affecting his feelings and the relationship. Hopefully not the case, but I have heard of things going wrong in a relationship because of it.
What does he blame me for - pretty much whatever is wrong at that time, sometimes months go by and everything is fine, we get along great, but them all of a sudden the wall goes up and then the silences, when he does talk its all about why do I not show him affection, he is unhappy with his life, I am selfish.0 -
I'm sorry that you are having such rough time - not nice for you or your children - does he show them any affection at all?
He says the marriage is over. OK. Call his bluff - and ask him to move out. Then see what happens.0 -
I'm 100% sure he isn't having an affair. He goes to work and comes home, doesn't go out on his own, phone left out and if text comes through and I'm nearer to phone he would ask me to read it for him.
I have been in a relationship previously where partner had an affair and not one of those signs is there.
I don't have any siblings and my parents are wonderful but at this moment when I feel there is a chance to save the marriage I couldn't talk to them.
How is there a chance to save this marriage? It takes 2, your husband has said its over, and he contributes nothing to your household or your relationship.
How much worse does it have to get for you OP?0 -
Drop in on your local Court (they are public buildings - you have as much right to be there as you do in the local library) & look at any signs saying things along the lines of "legal surgery here X-day 10-12 first half hour free".
Or if simper, drop in on your local library & ask? Read up on www.wikivorce.com/ on one of their free machines?
Also, visit CAB. No matter how things pan out, ignorance is your worst enemy. Stay together or seperate - do so with eyes wide open!0 -
I'm sorry that you are having such rough time - not nice for you or your children - does he show them any affection at all?
He says the marriage is over. OK. Call his bluff - and ask him to move out. Then see what happens.
Thank you for your kind words.
He is a great dad, very affectionate and attentive with the children, and when he is in a good frame of mind he is positive and talks about our future. I think this is what I find hard. Deep down inside I don't think he really wants to go, he says he loves me and I am his soul mate. Maybe I'm being stupid, but I love him, he's my best friend and it hurts me to see him hurting so much.0 -
balletshoes wrote: »How is there a chance to save this marriage? It takes 2, your husband has said its over, and he contributes nothing to your household or your relationship.
How much worse does it have to get for you OP?
Thank you, I understand your comments, but there is something there that I don't want to lose. He has said its over before but only when he is low, other times he wants to work things out.
OMG im so confused and sorry for the whole horrible situation.0
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