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Someone has been withdrawing from my CC terrified is OH
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you would be a complete mug to pretend he didn't do it or to forgive him0
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Let me deal with this in a few bits.
If the card is gone - it's 'missing or stolen' - so it's an instant 'ring up and report' situation.
With regards your OH - you now have two choices:
1) Ignore it
2) Confront it
You're absolutely right that people forgive all sorts of things - but they generally are certain the person is innocent or the person has owned up. Where suspicions lie - trust is generally broken and it's hard to restore.
You also have to worry about the money in this case.
As/when you report the card missing - that'll stop any future issues. In theory - you are protected from fraud on the card - but you're going to have some fun claiming this with the bank. They'll say the transactions took place nearby you or your OH and therefore it was likely it was you - particularly if the PIN was used in all cases.
That could leave you liable for the money.
Of course - if it is your OH - then you'll probably end up liable anyway - unless you're willing to shop your OH to the bank (and possibly the police).
You need to ask yourself a) who else has access to the card - who has been in your house recently - builders? workers? and b) was the PIN anywhere nearby or anything obvious (your birthday?)
But I suspect you already know the answer on that.0 -
OK, if the card is gone, let the police handle this. Your OH will be the prime suspect and if they take this seriously, they will probably be able to recover some CCTV records.
However, the only other possibilities are:
Both the card and the PIN were intercepted by an ATM when you used it to withdraw money and you hadn't noticed that the card wasn't returned;
The PIN was overlooked by a thief that then stole the card.
You said that you didn't use it and it was in some drawer.
Just playing the Devil's advocate...0 -
If it was your hubby, how in hell did he think he'd get away with it?! Tell me when was it first used for cash withdrawals? And how did you find out?
What would be telling for me would be, if withdrawals had started last year and since then there had mysteriously been no statements. That would suggest that he had been hiding them.0 -
Who else had the opportunity to get hold of the card?
Who else had the opportunity to hide the statements?
I dealt with dozens of fraudulent ATM withdrawals when I worked in banking. Every time I pointed out to the customer that the bank would seek to prosecute the thief if identified. Every time I explained that the most likely culprit would be a member of the immediate family or a regular visitor to the house. Every time the ATM withdrawals happened within a few minutes drive of where one of the people described above lived or worked.
You feel the truth in your heart. You know the truth in your head.
There will be an underlying reason for his behaviour. There will be some sort of habit it's funding. Shopaholic, excessive social life, drink, drugs, gambling etc.
Should you leave the relationship? From where I sit he's a thief and a liar. Why would you stay? There are other people out there who will be a better lover and a better father for your children. Between now and finding that person there are other people you can share a home and bills with.
Transition can be tough. But it's better than a lifetime of putting up with somebody who will rip you off, lie and prioritise some sort of emotional habit over you.
Good luck.0 -
You know who it was just face it, cancel the card and work out how to pay it back.0
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I think it's a bit harsh to say 'leave him'
It sounds to me as if there is little doubt it is him, however, it appears he could do with some sort of help to sort out this 'bad with money' problem.
You will probably have to pay it back if it transpires it was him.
The thing I would find the most hard to deal with would be the lies.
Can you forgive that?
Any ideas what he could have spent it on?
There must be a bigger underlying issue here. I've read a few stories of people losing their jobs and carrying on as if they haven't. Could it be something like this OP?
Good luck and let us know what happens. XDEBT FREE AND PROUD'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt'0 -
sistafromanothermista wrote: »I think it's a bit harsh to say 'leave him'0
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It's him, the card is used not far away from where he is, and one time in London whilst he's there. Chip and pin. Presumably you haven't been burgled, and it's been around 8 months since you last legitimately used it. If your details had been stolen 8 months ago when you last used it it wouldn't have taken a thief 8 months to use it, they would have been straight to the nearest ATM or ordering good online within hours.0
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