MSE Pregnancy Club 28

cmace2

Awwww t2d I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time. My OH hasn't been particularly sympathetic to all the heightened emotions either but I understand it must be hard in their support role when they don't know how best to do it and get equally frustrated. We're all here for you so just spill whatever you need to to us xxx

teaandcakeordeath

Big hugs t2d. We're all here for you whenever you need us. It's so hard being stuck at home. Are there any nct bumps and babies meetings near you or is there anyone who you can arrange to meet up with? You're doing a great job. Hugs. xx

SewIt_2

Hugs T2D, hope you feel better soon. You and hubby have been through lots in the past 2 years and the stress must be taking it's toll. It's frustrating cause you need dh to support you and it sounds like he's not quite getting where you are coming from. Hope he calms down soon and you can have a good talk. I always forget that on top of all the worrying about the baby, our other half's also worry about us too, which must be hard too.

Like tacod says you are doing a great job and you should be proud of how you are doing what is best for baby, even though it's tough on you. You'll be a great mum to your wee boy when he arrives.

Big hugs and keep posting here xx

Whattodonow

t2d hope you're feeling today and you and your OH have sorted things. Its hard, very hard, being home alone all day. I know you're supposed to be taking it easy but i do think maybe going to a group or something would help. Hugs xx

lilmissreading

t2d dodgy group hug to start :grouphug:

Some really good suggestions here about the specialist mws or my area fast tracks pg people for psychological support.

Something out of the house will be great if you are able to.

You are definitely not alone in worrying you will be terrible caring for your little man. I feel terrified about coping and have to keep pushing it to one side, reminding myself that I can only deal with problems in the here and now. Right now he's in me, he's safe and I can read as much as I like in books about how to do this in the future in the belief that I will somehow remember it all when it comes to it!

Ultimately though I have asked myself what I REALLY think I will be terrible at - he cries a lot and I don't know what to do? Well how often does that happen to people normally anyway? Why would I be exempt from sometimes being in that situation? We'll figure it out eventually. That I won't know how to put a nappy on? Practise. That I won't be able to bf? There's formula, there's classes, there's people like skintchick. That I won't have washed his clothes in the right powder and he'll get a rash? I'll re-wash them in a different brand and put cream on his skin. That I won't love him the minute I see him? I'll try to respect the fact that the hormones might be talking not me and allow time to develop our relationship but not beat myself up as I'll end up stressed and blaming which won't help anything.

At the end of the day I will make mistakes but they won't be terrible. He will not be hurt, alone, hungry, cold or unloved. He is not being born into a war zone, lots of people in his life are excited about his arrival, he has access to clean water, food, clothes and free healthcare, he will be able to go to nursery to meet other babies, he will have toys, he will access education. In that context, if he has a mummy (or daddy) who occasionally crumples into a teary ball or shouts, he will survive it and it will pass. He will have a good childhood but not perfect parents.

Re DH - apologies if this is teaching you to suck eggs but these are the things it is really easy to do when you are stressed and overwhelmed:

Tell him how YOU feel. e.g. it is really easy to say 'It's alright for you, you're not pg and you get to go out of the house.' That will come across as blaming and put him on the back foot and defensive. Say 'I feel frightened about not being able to carry the baby for as long is safe. I feel jealous that you're out of the house all day - I feel lonely and bored when I'm not feeling frightened.'

If you're lucky he'll want to help. Sexist alert: lots of men like to hear how they can help practically. When I burst into tears over a jacket potato and cheese last week DH wanted to take over and finish making it so I could eat and keep baby healthy and because he perceived the problem to be the dinner. Actually the last thing I wanted at that point was food. I howled that I needed a hug and was hot, so a hug and an ice lolly was forthcoming, then he finished dinner when my tears were gone.

Sometimes I tell him he doesn't need to make me better by doing anything other than listen. I tell him he has two choices - he can spend 10-20 minutes just listening or I can sulk around the house and cry for a week.

Work out what you need from him before you start the conversation. That way you and he know whether you've got what you need at the end.

Do you keep a blog or diary? Why not plan a post pg diary for you or your baby? Someone told me they wished they'd kept a box of things like a newspaper of the day they were born, number one song etc.

Write your baby a letter. You don't have to keep it or share - let him know how you feel.

Have a date night with DH - can be an M&S dine for example if going out seems overwhelming. Remember to talk about something other than pg as well as baby stuff. Rent a movie together.

Make a list of what you enjoy and/or what you get a sense of achievement from. What can you still do? What can you do but adapted? Plan these things in.

Remember - this too shall pass. It's understandable i am overwhelmed, stressed and depressed. I am an ordinary person in an extra-ordinary situation, of course it's tough to cope.

Well that was epic wasn't it! Hope some of that helps.

view

A big hello ladies (and any gents on here). I 'turned' 24 weeks today. Hope everyone is sleeping ok in this heat. Woke up this morning and my pj's had disappeared... don't even remember removing them... which is a good thing I guess as meant I most likely slept deeply.

I'm trying not to think too much into it, however from feeling quite a bit of movement last week the last three days I'm fairly confident I've felt nothing. Nothing at all. I know I'm only 24 weeks, however, if anyone was at this stage and felt nothing from what was quite active, how long would you leave it before you phoned MW or hospital ? OH is trying to keep me calm. And I am trying to be Zen... however, it's a little bit worrying.

Mrs_T_M

view wrote: »

I'm trying not to think too much into it, however from feeling quite a bit of movement last week the last three days I'm fairly confident I've felt nothing. Nothing at all. I know I'm only 24 weeks, however, if anyone was at this stage and felt nothing from what was quite active, how long would you leave it before you phoned MW or hospital ? OH is trying to keep me calm. And I am trying to be Zen... however, it's a little bit worrying.

Call them now. More than likely it isn't anything, but if you feel uneasy about it or it's different than usual for you, call, don't wait! Better to get it checked out and get the all ok than have something happen.

view

Mrs_T_M wrote: »

Call them now. More than likely it isn't anything, but if you feel uneasy about it or it's different than usual for you, call, don't wait! Better to get it checked out and get the all ok than have something happen.

Thanks Mrs T M ... called and spoke to a midwife who said to have an icy cold drink and lie on my side for 45 mins with no interruptions. I don't have ice so have put a glass of orange juice in the freezer and will try when it's icy cold.... trying to be Zen....

edit and oh for the list, I'm due 16th November.

view

Tesco have a bogof on pampers nappies at the moment. We bought 4 of the new-born packs that contain 45 nappies each. Each pack £6.99 so 180 nappies for £13.98 = just over 7p a nappy.

skintchick

Welcome view

Have you felt the baby move yet? If not, do call your MW even though it's the weekend - or the labour ward at your hospital. You should feel baby but sometimes when we're busy or when it's hot they go a bit quiet. Lie quietly for an hour and see if you feel any movement and if not call asap.