Any women close to 50 can advise?

SlimmingSusan

I have only just come back and am amazed how many replies. I am going to read through them now, but need to reply to the support, I am awaiting bad response for my honesty, but bear with me whilst I read through this thread.

SlimmingSusan

notisis wrote: »

Don't count your chickens! Your batty mother may decide to leave everything to the local dogs home or direct to her grandchildren! However, if you are fortunate enough to eventually inherit something after your mother's demise (whom you say you love) then do something positive with it - travel, pay to have your book published, facelift - whatever will give you pleasure and remember your mother in a positive light.


In the meantime, accept you'll never change your mother and "enjoy" your time with her as I bet you will miss her when she is no longer around. Similarly start to control yourself and don't allow others to. You've made a good beginning by starting with your university course, so what's next? You want to take control back from your son, so start saying no, change locks if he has a key - whatever it takes. Once you feel empowered, the rest will come slowly as your confidence grows.


Best of luck.

I am definitely still the person to inherit, as well as about 50 grand to each of my children, was verified by mum recently, indirectly, and also the family solicitor has verified it. I hate it all though.

PlymouthMaid

Glad you popped back Susan. Hope you have found some posts useful and ignored the irrelevant stuff.

Scarab

Shame on you marisco. Some pretty talented, clever, inspiring and successful people have committed suicide throughout history and you have labelled them all as cowards with a simple sweep of your keyboard.
Also, you clearly despise anyone whose opinion differs from your own as seen when you resorted to having my earlier post removed for merely saying that it takes great courage to kill oneself, because your own view that belittling and humiliating them by calling them cowards when they are already at their lowest point in life was preferable!

marisco_2

I didn't have your post removed Scarab. That is the job of the forum team. Clearly they must have received a considerable number of complaints about what you wrote, took them seriously and made the decision to delete your post. If you have issues about that, might I politely suggest that you take that up with them, rather than continue to post abusive messages to myself. That carry on will only lead to you getting yourself pprd. Have a lovely evening.

BitterAndTwisted

Susan isn't bloody suicidal so I don't understand why you insist on dredging this topic up again and again. How rude are you? And how unhelpful.

Please find another thread.

This one is about Susan, not you!

jaylee3

paulineb wrote: »

Id never call everyone who chooses to end their own life a coward or think that even when people try and get help that its going to be available. Ive seen so many cases where that help has been asked for and its absolutely not been available. Theres still a massive lack of understanding towards people with mental health issues from some sections of the medical profession, I saw that over and over in my working life.

Well said Pauline. I do think it rather harsh and cruel to say this about people who commit suicide. COWARD is not the right word or description at all.

I am very sorry for your loss BTW.

Marisco, IMO you are 100% WRONG here.

gocurlygirl

notisis wrote: »

In the meantime, accept you'll never change your mother and "enjoy" your time with her as I bet you will miss her when she is no longer around. Similarly start to control yourself and don't allow others to. You've made a good beginning by starting with your university course, so what's next? You want to take control back from your son, so start saying no, change locks if he has a key - whatever it takes. Once you feel empowered, the rest will come slowly as your confidence grows.


Best of luck.

Depression is terrible,and reactive depression is entirely normal-it was only last year you lost your father,your children have flown the nest and are making their own lives and you have some diffeculty (ahem)with your mother and son.I have had some simelar feelings in that I feel like an invisible person and all the things that 50ish women seem to have going on and have some reactive feelings about that,2 bereavements and other things going on.Well done on your academic work-I felt better just enquiring and finding out about courses and activities available.To start with EVERYTHING is hard but nuture yourself,try to be as positive as you can and slowly climb back up.Is there a university of the 3rd age near you-saw advert today and feel it is something to help-even walking group or art(cant draw for toffee though)-good luck and remember you will have good and not so good days,so look after yourself.

lostinrates

Nevertheless op in this case is 'needy' and you and some others have overlooked her need in the case of your own (in your case eloquent) posts which I am afraid do appear some what self serving (all the posts on this subject, not just yours). Its not relevant to op in the least in her opinion.

In fact its even some what ironic that some one says they feel invisible and then the subject becomes about something that they have said is not a concern for them or an issue, as if to confirm their invisibility!

Marisco, your posts are normally highly insightful and whether I agree with them or not I usually feel they add something to the thread. In this case I feel yours, and the others are not just superfluous but actually potentially damaging to OP and possibly others reading.

vanessav

I am almost 50 - I don't know if I can advise very much but I can see that you are suffering and don't want to read and run.
I am so sorry that you have endured so much abuse in your life. First from your mother then your husband. My mother was very abusive (she was herself mentally ill) and I know very well how easy it is to feel that you have to 'do something' about all the ranting, raving, accusations and/ or sulks that abusers use to control others. So firstly, you DO NOT need to feel any responsibility at all for any adult in your life. Your mother is ghastly and 'batty'? Not your responsibility. Even if you stay in her life; her awful personality is still not your responsibility.

I fantasised many times about severing contact with my mother. She now has advanced alzheimers and (ironically) now she does not know who I am, she thinks the sun shines out of my !!!!!! This has helped me not to take personally the hate she showed me. She would have hated any kid she had mothered. It is the same with your mother. Don't take her personally.
I did not want to walk away because of my father who is a very gentle man. But secondly I did not want to turn my back on money either. And I know that sounds mercenary. My father has shared some of the family money with me and my children and I have to be honest and say that I do sometimes view this as compensation.

My situation is different in that my children are 16 and 9, so I still have the 'role' of looking after them. I think I am in for a sad time when they start to make their way in the world.
But you should be very pleased that your children are doing just that. You played a massive part in their growing up well.

I also think (superficial as it sounds) that if you don't like being 'fat' as you call it; then this is something you can work on. There are medications for depression that don't cause weight gain and it is important that your doctor looks into this. If you take control of what you eat it will give you something different to think about when you are on your own. Losing weight does take planning. But just think in a couple of months you could easily be a stone down. it can be done!

I have been thinking of returning to university. But haven't managed to get my backside into gear. So you have done well.

Not sure if any of this is a great help. The abusive people are not as big a problem as you think if you start to realise that they have no real hold over you. CBT that looks at past trauma and how to change your reactions going forward would help you a lot if this is available in your area.