Any women close to 50 can advise?

meritaten

I see you are very close to ending it. could you phone Samaritans instead?
SlimmingSusan - you have to stop judging yourself on your families standards and realise that to the rest of us - you are a very worthwhile person. you sound absolutely lovely.
You have brought up two children and survived! you want to walk away from your parents as you identify them as the cause of your problems. SO DO IT! see what happens.
There is a term for this - an Americanism I know - but its 'Take your Power BACK'.
it means to concentrate on yourself, become 'selfish' and do what is best for YOU! if that means cutting family off - then so be it. it doesn't have to be 'forever' - just while you are getting yourself together.
its become a clich! but that's because its true - you need to love yourself now.

paulineb_2

Shes said shes not thinking of suicide. To be honest I think that sticking around with a toxic mother so that you arent cut out of a will, could really do you more damage in the end. If she lives for another 20 plus years, you are going to have to endure her behaviour for years to come.

There is a limit to what people can tolerate before they break sometimes.

Georgiegirl256

marisco wrote: »

There is nothing courageous about committing suicide and to make such a statement on a public forum is irresponsible. Suicide is a cowards way out and leaves the lives of those left behind in tatters. To have courage involves facing up to the problems in your life head on, having the strength and presence of mind to seek professional help, and to learn over time coping mechanisms and strategies to work through things and move on positively and happily.

Your post is full of contradictions so I don't know how best to advise you. I think it would be very wise of you to contact your gp and explain completely openly to him/her exactly how you are feeling. They can arrange appropriate referrals and put support in place. If you feel you need to speak to someone urgently tonight then I would suggest you contact the Samaritans on 08457 909090. They operate a 24 hour service.

A well worded post, and one I totally agree with. There is indeed nothing courageous about committing suicide, my Uncle did it about 9 years ago and it still haunts me.

Agree with the statement about the OP's post being full of contradictions, that was my first thought too, and I really wouldn't know what to advise either apart from echoing the advice to call the Samaritans, as I think that could be very beneficial.

Armchair23

Suicide is not a cowards way out.
It's something that someone chooses when they feel they have no way left to live in this world, their heart breaks but they don't know how to make it feel better.
Every day is a day of pain and suffering, or worse still indifference and they can see no better day in the future.
It's maybe not how you would choose to deal with things and it's not in most peoples opinion (including mine) the best or right way of dealing with this situation but it's not something done to annoy somebody else or out of laziness or petulance.
So while I would never suggest suicide is a good or right choice, I am really saddened to see people suggest that it's worse for the people left behind.
If it's awful for you imagine what has lead someone to be in this awful situation .
Compassion rather than blame might be a better response.
I'm truly sorry for anyone who has contemplated suicide and for those who have lost a loved one to it.

Scarab

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

I sort of feel like Susan Boyle

I was thinking of putting myself forward as a potential suitor Susan but this made me wince ........................ how much (exactly) are you looking to inherit? :idea:

paulineb_2

Armchair23 wrote: »

Suicide is not a cowards way out.
It's something that someone chooses when they feel they have no way left to live in this world, their heart breaks but they don't know how to make it feel better.
Every day is a day of pain and suffering, or worse still indifference and they can see no better day in the future.
It's maybe not how you would choose to deal with things and it's not in most peoples opinion (including mine) the best or right way of dealing with this situation but it's not something done to annoy somebody else or out of laziness or petulance.
So while I would never suggest suicide is a good or right choice, I am really saddened to see people suggest that it's worse for the people left behind.
If it's awful for you imagine what has lead someone to be in this awful situation .
Compassion rather than blame might be a better response.
I'm truly sorry for anyone who has contemplated suicide and for those who have lost a loved one to it.

Its terrible for people who are left behind. Because you feel guilt that you should have known and should have seen it coming. You blame yourself even though it wasnt your fault. And there can still be a stigma as well, people dont want to talk about it. Its also very hard to talk about the happy times you shared because its overshadowed by how that person died.

I actually think that its so sad that so many young people are being driven to suicide by bullying. I read a lot about one girl who died after being bullied online and at school and the family did ask for help on numerous occasions but didnt get any.

I just think its far too simplistic to call people cowards and say that people should be facing their issues and looking forward. Some people try. Some people are very mentally unwell. I know someone who was bipolar and was probably bipolar since her teens but again, you can put peoples behaviour down to teen angst, families dont always have the knowledge or understanding to help, you know something is wrong, you dont know what it is. She was sectioned twice and for a time she was a suicide risk. Its not always the case that people are in their right mind and go sod it, I think I'll go and kill myself today. Some people are at the end of their tether, desperate, some people are very mentally unwell. And dare I say it some people would be absolutely too scared to go and see a GP for fear of being labelled. There are people who hide their depression for years and self medicate with alcohol, drugs, because they are too ashamed to tell anyone that they arent well and arent coping.

If people have the view that its irresponsible to say that its a courageous thing to do, to kill themselves then that is their opinion and they are entitled.

Its too simplistic just to say go and get help and face your problems head on. Everyone has their own story and their own baggage and some people who live their life in the public eye and suffer from illnesses such as bipolar who have said openly that there have been times where they felt that they could not go on. Thats honest.

Theres an Irish writer who didnt write a book for 3 years because she was in the grip of a black depression, shes suffered from depression for a long time, but she went through a really bad spell and she was suicidal at one point and shes someone who is happily married, successful, was on medication and engaging with GPs and she still felt she couldnt go on. And thats someone who people will proabably look at and think what the hell is wrong with you, you've got everything going for you.

When people are living under such a black cloud day in day out that they cant control, well, I wouldnt want that for myself or anyone I loved. There is no magic wand and we are all different, everyones breaking point is different, we all deal with whatever life throws at us differently.

No matter how bad my life has ever got, Ive never thought about ending my life, because I know what its like to lose someone that way. But for a lot of people, they feel that life would be better for others if they werent around. Life is hard and its too hard for some people and if someone does kill themself, its tragic, its awful. But I still wouldnt call everyone who ends their life a coward without knowing their story, because it could be any of us, the illnesses some people have, that could be any of us and we dont know how we would deal with it until it happened to us.

Person_one

marisco wrote: »

There is nothing courageous about committing suicide and to make such a statement on a public forum is irresponsible. Suicide is a cowards way out and leaves the lives of those left behind in tatters. To have courage involves facing up to the problems in your life head on, having the strength and presence of mind to seek professional help, and to learn over time coping mechanisms and strategies to work through things and move on positively and happily.

Your post is full of contradictions so I don't know how best to advise you. I think it would be very wise of you to contact your gp and explain completely openly to him/her exactly how you are feeling. They can arrange appropriate referrals and put support in place. If you feel you need to speak to someone urgently tonight then I would suggest you contact the Samaritans on 08457 909090. They operate a 24 hour service.

...and please be assured that no Samaritan will say anything like the bolded should you decide to call and talk to them.

Georgiegirl256

paulineb wrote: »

Its terrible for people who are left behind. Because you feel guilt that you should have known and should have seen it coming. You blame yourself even though it wasnt your fault. And there can still be a stigma as well, people dont want to talk about it. Its also very hard to talk about the happy times you shared because its overshadowed by how that person died.

I think this paragraph sums it up really well.

IMO, it IS worse for the people left behind. The person who has took their own life is at least at peace, (although the build up to it is anything but peaceful), but for those left behind, the nightmare is just beginning. Like Pauline says, for a long time afterwards you feel guilt, you blame yourself for not noticing anything, you're in shock as you never seen it coming in a million years, and you replay things over and over in your mind, and yes, it's never really talked about again, and it does overshadow things, because all you can think of is how they took their own life.

As I said in my previous post, I don't think it is a courageous thing, but nor do I think it's a cowardly thing either. To be in that position where you feel you can't possibly go on must be one of the most horrendous things ever.

paulineb_2

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

I am 50 this year, and feel invisible, discarded, and on the edge of a turning point. It will go one way or the other, either I will give up, or I will find the strength to recreate my life.


I am divorced after being married from 21, have two children, 26 and 20. Both amazing people, one has his own business and the other, my 20 yr old daughter, is graduating with a BSc hons in psychology this year and going on to do a masters in neuropsychology.


I feel my job is done in that respect, but I had my son a year after we married, and I do not know who I am. My dad had an horrendous illness for 7 years and passed away last year, I am an only child, and the way my mother treats me is horrendous. I am under mental health services, and it is all about my mother and my son. I was bullied by my ex husband and my self esteem is so low.


As my ex was a high earner throughout our marriage, I was a stay at home mum, but have gone to uni this last year. I am the eldest on the course, but my determination pulls me through.


I am undergoing therapy for issues caused by past family trauma- at last, and cannot fault the nhs.


My mother is in complete denial, and am not able to open up to anyone within my family. I want to walk away from them all, but I will be damned if I give my power over to my son. No way.


I feel like a bruised animal, taking all the hits and going lower and lower, this is what bullies do is it?


I feel my life is over, I am completing uni work and getting good marks, but what is the point. I want rid of my family and how bad is that. All apart from my daughter, but my ex has taken her as well.


I took my mum into Wales this weekend for her brother's funeral, and realised how batty she is outside of our normal family battyness. I can see it but do not know how to protect myself from what feels like a family who like to supress and control me. I could walk away from them in an instant, but would regret it, as I care and I love them, they just abuse me.

You should give yourself credit for the life you've had and the positive things youve managed to do.

Including your degree. However, if you have a family who abuse you, you may need to start being tough and love them from a distance.

Its called self preservation. Just because the first 50 years have been tough, doesnt mean that the next need to follow the same pattern.

Your low self esteem is probably the thing you need to work on most.

maman

Sorry if this post sounds shallow and frivolous in comparison but I honestly think that losing weight would help you.


A couple of years ago I was slowly drifting into becoming an elderly bag lady. I felt fat and unattractive and just wanted to hide away. But I decided I wasn't just going to accept all the nonsense about middle-age spread, hard to lose weight when you're older etc. etc.


I chose to join Slimming World (and no I don't have shares;)) and the feeling of eating healthily and losing weight was/is marvellous. It's as if I'm in control of me and proud of what I've achieved. Since then I've rekindled my interest in looking good with nice clothes, hair and make up. I've done this for me and it's boosted my self esteem and confidence massively.


I don't have the family issues that you have but this is something you can do for yourself, you'll be in control and nothing your mum or son can do to stop you!!


Good Luck!