Any women close to 50 can advise?

duchy

You can't change your family's behaviour (like your Mum and your son) but you can change how you react to it. Learn to say No ...... No I can't babysit at short notice I have plans, ..... No I can't come visit or go shopping with you today-I have an essay to finish............ No you can't take that-put it back please.

Sounds hard but the more you do it the easier it becomes.

You don't need to fall out with them or get angry you just need to not always say yes.

marisco_2

Scarab wrote: »

Btw I personally believe that suicide is not just a courageous thing rather than a cowardly thing to do, but the most courageous thing anyone can do.

Easily the worst post I have ever read on this forum. Blatantly advocating suicide in this way is ridiculous and shocked me to the core. You do realise anyone of any age can read this forum. What if an extremely vulnerable child or young teen with little to no parental or family support, who is contemplating ending their life, read this total bile. Did you consider any of the possible repercussions of what you wrote? Just when you think you have seen it all someone stoops to a whole new amazing low!

harrys_nan

oh my goodness, all this talk of suicide is enough to send someone into a deep low feeling, the op has not said she wants to in fact she has said the complete opposite.

Scarab

marisco wrote: »

Easily the worst post I have ever read on this forum. Blatantly advocating suicide in this way is ridiculous and shocked me to the core. You do realise anyone of any age can read this forum. What if an extremely vulnerable child or young teen with little to no parental or family support, who is contemplating ending their life, read this total bile. Did you consider any of the possible repercussions of what you wrote? Just when you think you have seen it all someone stoops to a whole new amazing low!

I don't follow your logic, why does it follow that someone reading this comment would believe I'm advocating suicide (and then act upon it) just because I say its the most courageous thing one can do?
I believe that calling someone a coward is much worse as it's insulting and about as far away from the truth as you can get!
Accept that there are usually two distinct schools of thought on this subject and that I reject your position as vehemently as you do mine.

Tiddlywinks

harrys_nan wrote: »

oh my goodness, all this talk of suicide is enough to send someone into a deep low feeling, the op has not said she wants to in fact she has said the complete opposite.

I agree... The OP says she is NOT suicidal so let's just accept that and move on.

elmer

I am 50 this year and recently had counselling re my Mother. My therapist told me to think of two goals that would make me happy, and to work towards them.

She also said to keep in mind the L'Oreal slogan "because I'm worth it", best done with a large flick of the hair!!!

At the mo I'm not really speaking to my Mum although I love her dearly, her views on my life dont coincide with mine just now.

So " be nice to yourself" is about the only real advice I can offer, also you are not alone or invisible, but at nearly 50, sometimes it can feel that way.

elmer x

sulkisu

Marisco - I agree with your post #33, but I think you ought to remove the quote (sorry, I tried to PM that to you).

fabforty

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I agree... The OP says she is NOT suicidal so let's just accept that and move on.

Agreed.


However, speaking as a counsellor who has worked with people who are/have been suicidal, comments about it being either courageous or cowardly (however well intentioned), can (especially for a vulnerable person) be the proverbial last straw.
Best to be avoided.

Vicky123

I would totally forget about the inheritance, some things don't have a monetary value. It doesn't matter if it's a substantial amount because you will feel better about yourself by not being bought.
Maybe it won't be left to you anyway, how would you feel if that happened? I would sooner eat soup for a year than take money off a grudging relative, by the same token I wouldn't be put upon by users either, learn to say no, it's taken me my whole life to learn that "no" has as much right to leave my lips as everyone else's.

fabforty

SlimmingSusan wrote: »

But I have suffered as an only child for 50 years , why give up the fight now. I am being totally honest here, my mum has a lot of money, accumulated from my family, and I am damned I will walk away and let my son have it all. I love my mum also, despite her treatment of me. My therapist is helping me, otherwise I would not be here. I am under mental health services. I sort of feel like Susan Boyle, but unable to sing :-)

I choose this particular post out of all of them to quote, as I believe that this is the most telling and really cuts to the chase. This is the only post where you do not sound like a victim.


To be frank, you have a choice and you have chosen to hang on in there and put up with it all, for the sake of getting your hands on your mother's money. Only you can decide if it is worth the price that you are clearly paying - especially as she could just leave it to your son (or anyone else for that matter) anyway. Then imagine how you will feel?
I know what I would do, and if I was your therapist I would be working on getting you to a point where you could see this for yourself. But I am not, so I am just going to wish you luck for the future, with the hope that you finally find the peace and happiness that you are looking for.