Daughter's friend

Buzzybee90

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Thanks for your input. I'll think about what you have said :-)

My friends and I started having mixed sleepovers at about age 16. Only they weren't really sleepovers, they were camp outs in fields. I never had a traditional sleepover with boys.

thatgirlsam

paulineb wrote: »

Has your daughter ever given you any indication that she fancies this boy? Hormones or no hormones, some teens can and do wait to experiment or sleep with someone that they are actually sexually attracted to and not just because they could.

She has said how good looking he is. But then again she mentions when one of her female friends looks nice (don't tell peachyprice, she'll jump to the wrong conclusion!)


I know some wait. I did.


I know some don't wait.

paulineb_2

Its not a situation where your 14 year old daughter has asked to sleep with her bf under your roof. Its a gay friend she wants to sit and watch a movie with.

Of course you want to protect her, but I think if you have a good relationship you could sit down, talk to her, raise some of your concerns and take it from there.

peachyprice

thatgirlsam wrote: »

She has said how good looking he is. But then again she mentions when one of her female friends looks nice (don't tell peachyprice, she'll jump to the wrong conclusion!)


I know some wait. I did.


I know some don't wait.

You missed my point entirely I see.

Of course she isn't going to jump on her girl friends, just the same as she isn't going to jump on her gay male friend. Like I said, pulling teeth.

FBaby

I don't understand your thought process peachy. You seem to be talking about the situation as an adult would analyse it rather than a teenage girl.

Let's say that OP's daughter really fancies the boy, and that is why she is so good friend with him. She believes that he is gay, but think deep inside that maybe, just maybe if he got close to HER, he could change his mind?

What if he believes that he is gay, but suddenly has a doubt and decide that no-one would be best than his best friend to test whether it really is the case.

Thatgirlsam, our DD are the same age and in your shoes, I am not sure what I would do, but head would tell me no.

paulineb_2

I actually think that if someone is sure about their sexuality and at 14 you can be, its not too young, that it wouldnt matter if your best friend tried to sleep with you, you'd still say no. If hes gay, he wont be attracted to women, full stop, he wont want to sleep with a female.

What if she wants to sit and watch a movie and have a chat with her pal and eat some Doritos?

Just because two teens might have sex, doesnt mean they are going to.

thatgirlsam

FBaby wrote: »

I don't understand your thought process peachy. You seem to be talking about the situation as an adult would analyse it rather than a teenage girl.

Let's say that OP's daughter really fancies the boy, and that is why she is so good friend with him. She believes that he is gay, but think deep inside that maybe, just maybe if he got close to HER, he could change his mind?

What if he believes that he is gay, but suddenly has a doubt and decide that no-one would be best than his best friend to test whether it really is the case.

Thatgirlsam, our DD are the same age and in your shoes, I am not sure what I would do, but head would tell me no.

You said it so much better than me!!

peachyprice

FBaby wrote: »

I don't understand your thought process peachy. You seem to be talking about the situation as an adult would analyse it rather than a teenage girl.

Let's say that OP's daughter really fancies the boy, and that is why she is so good friend with him. She believes that he is gay, but think deep inside that maybe, just maybe if he got close to HER, he could change his mind?

What if he believes that he is gay, but suddenly has a doubt and decide that no-one would be best than his best friend to test whether it really is the case.

Thatgirlsam, our DD are the same age and in your shoes, I am not sure what I would do, but head would tell me no.

But OP hasn't said any of that, she said they're very close platonic friends, my thought process is based on facts from OP, not 'what if's'.

paulineb_2

thatgirlsam wrote: »

You said it so much better than me!!

It looks like you dont want him over and nothing anyone might say about them just being platonic friends is going to change your mind.

Just be aware that the message you could be giving out to your daughter is one of I dont trust you.

January20

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Hi everyone


My dd is 14, her best friend is a boy, it is obvious that is going to be / is gay. Her and her friends accept this and it doesn't matter a jot to them. She has a good close knit circle of lovely friends, he is totally part of that circle and they all get on great. He isn't friends with any boys in particular and obviously identifies and gets on better with the girls.


A couple of times she has asked if he can have a sleepover. I don't feel comfortable with this cos he is a boy. I think it is more to do with the fact of what will other people think (I feel a bit ashamed of that!!)


Also its in the back of my mind that they could still experiment and am I asking for trouble. Although they could do that anytime couldn't they!! They spend time in the day alone in her room, I'm fine with that


This boy is really a great kid, and I feel bad that he is kind of missing out on the normal things that teens do, have sleepovers, discuss boys etc


Why should he be excluded from this type of thing because he is gay?


So just wondering what other people think, would do in this situation

When my dd was your daughter's age she had a gay friend exactly like your dd has. The only difference is that I had no qualms about letting him stay for sleepovers. I trusted my dd completely and it never entered my mind that she and her friend might experiment!

My dd is now 21 and this boy is still her friend. Big bonus: I have a great relationship with him to!

ETA: Is it really normal to experiment with BOTH sexes as a teen? I never wanted to when I was a teenager nor did any of my friends (well, not with me anyway lol) so wouldn't know!