ASD / Aspergers Support Thread Part II

Indie_Kid

Not being able to communicate properly is becoming extremely frustrating.

I'm constantly having to repeat myself because hardly anyone understands me and my written communication is generally awful. I can't generally explain what I want. This happened on Wednesday and there seemed to be a lot of me relying on the other person knowing what I really meant. (and yes, he did, thankfully)

Indie_Kid

I think I mentioned a concern of mine RE: going away, earlier in the thread.

Anyway:
It was in short, hell. I explained to my friend that I'd never flown before and asked him a lot of questions. He explained everything to me. At some point, I became quite ill and we weren't sure whether we were going away.

Anyway, I emailed him a week before and asked that he has a word with his friends and explains my situation to them. He said ok. Stupidly, I forgot to mention that I need routine and need a warning of change, etc. It got to the stage (I don't recommend this - the following week was !!!!) where I was having to pretend I was fine when I really wasn't.

My friend had clearly worked out what was going on and at some point, had told his friends.

And to top it all off, we got home and I received a text about a doctors appointment which I don't remember making. I then received a phone call the next day. Apparently, I had an appointment with the midwife. I can't have children.

I spent the best part of the next 2 weeks with an OCD flare up. Ugh.

My friend apologised. (looking back, it didn't help that when he asked if there was anything I wanted him to tell them, I shouldn't have said no)

gawebb99

Looking for experiences of ADOS ? my son has his tomorrow (he's 6y 9m)

Kimberley

Hi

Can I ask a question? I've started seeing a guy with Asperges and wanted to know if there are any good books out there I can read to help me understand the condition to help him?

Also, I have noticed sometimes he looks as though he is talking to someone but he isn't if you get what I mean and moves his hand as to tell this imaginary person to be quiet. Is this a trait?

-taff

He's having a conversation in his head.

Savvy_Sue

Kimberley wrote: »

Can I ask a question? I've started seeing a guy with Asperges and wanted to know if there are any good books out there I can read to help me understand the condition to help him?

Well, that really depends on whether he wants you to 'help' him, doesn't it?

DH almost certainly has Aspergers, although never formally diagnosed. I'd say he was always quite formal in relationships, wanting to behave correctly and fairly. And expecting a certain amount of logic to my behaviour which wasn't / isn't always there ...

His father would almost certainly be on the spectrum, but any suggestion that he might need 'help' would not get a positive response ...

And we have a number of friends and relations who are definitely not Neuro-Typical, and I'd say that I need help more than they do: they each have a set of internal rules, and I sometimes need to know what those rules are, so that I don't inadvertently break them. My non NT friends MAY need help to understand why our fuzzy and uncertain brains operate the way they do, but on the whole I wouldn't try to change their brains to match mine.

So the question you might want to ask is what you could read to help you understand the logic of why he does what he does, and why he says what he says. I'd say working out his particular internal logic would be worthwhile, and asking him questions may be the key to that. (Note that his internal logic may be entirely different to the internal logic I've encountered.)

Not, 'how do you feel ... ?' questions, but 'do you have a reason for doing that?'

Beyond that, there is a fair bit of information online. For books, there is a guide to asperger syndrome for teachers and professionals which is quite detailed, sorry I don't remember author. There are some delightful books for children who are old enough to understand that they are 'different', one is called 'the blue bottle mystery' or similar, and that may be helpful. And there's Mark Hadden 'the mystery of the dog in the night time'. Two books called 'The Rosie Project' and 'The Rosie Effect' may give some insight into what it might mean to have a relationship with someone 'on the spectrum', although I have to say I've only known two people who took their logic and pedantry to the art forms displayed in those!

Kimberley wrote: »

Also, I have noticed sometimes he looks as though he is talking to someone but he isn't if you get what I mean and moves his hand as to tell this imaginary person to be quiet. Is this a trait?

I'd just ask him! My Dad used to mutter under his breath a lot, and what HE was doing was practising what he wanted to say to my Mum, or didn't DARE say to my Mum. But I've never thought he was on the spectrum, it was just something he did! :rotfl:

Robisere

I posted on here about my Aspergers - suffering grandson, some years ago, after a concerned parent asked me a question. This is how far gs has come, I hope it is a help to anyone who either has this condition* or is a carer for a sufferer.

[* - YES it's a condition, NOT a disease, as someone once tried to describe in my hearing!]

My dd was left on her own with her ds at 8 months old in a dilapidated cottage whilst her OH went off to any of his 4 failed "businesses". Eventually he left for good and she divorced him, he has not seen his son now for many years: myself and his uncle have tried to be the male figures in his life. Dd would not give up on him and went through a terrible time. Other kids at his village primary could not understand why he would not take part in play. Dd fought with our help to get a diagnosis, but not until a new Head came to the school did anything work. Eventually he was diagnosed and this came about just as I was registered disabled and given DLA, for my spinal problems and occasional paralysis. I had been a motor engineer and was looking around for what to do next, started courses, became a printer and then began building computers. I built gs his first and showed him the basics. BINGO! Off he went, schoolwork improved, I built him a better PC, he started at a Technical academy and never looked back. He is 22 now and has, by his own efforts, become an IT Networking and Security engineer, has a great job with a local company and in 4 years has become one of their most trusted employees. In March he moved into a very nice flat within a gated block and has the most sophisticated computer setup you will ever see. Today I took him shopping as usual and he bought loads of food, which he enjoys cooking. I don't know where he puts it though, he is tall and thin.

He still does not socialise readily with people he does not know, but the family counteracts that by all of us having a meal together every month and every family birthday. He has a sister 11 years younger (dd has been with a loving partner for many years now) and they adore each other. He has a male and female cousin and they get along great.

He is also a Mensa-registered genius, off the scale. However, due to the varying effects of his condition, his intelligence is "tunnel-vision" - one-way, one subject - he sets out to perform an IT task and will not give up until it is done. His boss will sometimes phone me or dd to take him home, says he often has to physically tear him away from a problem.

I cannot tell here how proud the whole family is of his progress. I think one of the secrets, was that his mum told him early that he had this condition. We all read up on it and I talked to him about it, insisting that he was not "different", just unusual, out of the ordinary, and we would all help him deal with it. His 18 year old male cousin is particularly good with him: I take them both out for meals, haircuts etc and cannot get a word in! So it is not all doom and gloom, yes there are problems and there always will be, but we try hard to get him through them.

The one thing people do not understand is that Autism is a spectrum and every sufferer is different, with sometimes wildly differing characteristic behaviour. Even within the various spectra, this is true. Just like all human beings, everyone is an individual, no matter which box others try to stuff them into.

Robisere

Kimberley wrote: »

Hi

Can I ask a question? I've started seeing a guy with Asperges and wanted to know if there are any good books out there I can read to help me understand the condition to help him?

Also, I have noticed sometimes he looks as though he is talking to someone but he isn't if you get what I mean and moves his hand as to tell this imaginary person to be quiet. Is this a trait?

Kimberly, you will know you have his trust when he looks you in the eyes. As has been said, having an imaginary (to us) conversation, is a trait. There are as many different traits as there are sufferers. You will need patience, but if you are to have a good relationship and you care about him, the rewards are great. One day you may have the most affectionate and loving BF you will ever know. It does need patience, though. lots of patience.