ASD / Aspergers Support Thread Part II

Indie_Kid

BucksLady wrote: »

I think a diagnosis always means 'money' and that's why there's a reluctance to reach one. Perhaps I'm just being cynical .

Money for who? You can't get disability benefits just because you have ASD. I know people that don't.

I know the argument put forward for the reluctance for diagnosing adults is that we should have supposedly adapted now. Except, I haven't. I still hate large groups of strange people and always have done. I had to leave uni because of it and I had to leave a music group because of it. I am now at a much smaller group (even if it does mean a 70 mile round trip once a week) and prefer it.

BucksLady

I didn't mean disability benefits. When my sister was diagnosed at 11, the LEA then had to provide a statement of educational needs.... this of course cost them money because of the support she needed in the classroom (she has other disabilities apart from AS). The LEA tried to trivialise her problems in order to save money. In the end my parents sought legal advice and the LEA were then reminded of their legal obligations. This is just one example of course.

Robisere

I have a grandson (the oldest of 4) who was diagnosed whilst in primary school as an Aspergers sufferer. This was due to a very good teacher and his mum, who knew, as only mothers can know, that there was something wrong. It was not helped by the fact that his dad walked out when gs was just a baby. I have been the sole male figure in his life but it has been a battle, although I love him dearly and always will, there have been times when I felt so angry at him, I had to walk away for a short time. He had all the signs - would not socialise with other kids or adults he did not know, would only take part in activities that were of direct interest to him, and showed "tunnel vision" with everything he was engaged in, totally shutting out everything and everyone else. He was also very, very intelligent and I was the first in the family to see this, so I encouraged him in all kinds of activities until I found the key - computers: I built his first and it was as if the skies cleared for him. There were still problems, mainly regarding whatever he saw as his and his alone, he hated to share and still does to a certain extent. My DD, his mum, found another partner eventually and he had a sister, 11 years his junior, and although she drives him mad sometimes, he obviously loves her deeply.

When he went to the local Technical Academy, he was given one-to-one teaching and he just blossomed. He took the last 2 years there with a fantastic IT tutor, who gave him extra tuition in his own time and he got him through several qualifications which were of University standard. Grandson worked hard and sent out CV's to literally hundreds of places, eventually being taken up by a small but highly technical local company. He has never looked back since, has bags of confidence and recently took a MENSA test, which gave him genius-level IQ (no news to me of course)

This was the story of a young man who appeared to be heading for a life with no hope of ever living without problems. He still does have trouble with those he does not know, but his small circle of real friends have been with him since College and they know him well enough to disregard any problems. To his sister and his two younger cousins, he is just himself and the whole family loves him. He is affectionate (at 20 years old, still gives granddad a hug) and loves his cat, which will sit on his lap whilst he plays or designs his computer games.

I tell this story to give Aspergers sufferers and their families hope: if you can just find that key, that one thing that interests them, you will be rewarded. To the OP: take heart - if you can get this recognised, there is help available. You will be able to ask your Jobcentre for a Disabled Employment Advisor, which was of enormous help to my grandson.

ManofLeisure_2

BucksLady wrote: »

I think a diagnosis always means 'money' and that's why there's a reluctance to reach one. Perhaps I'm just being cynical .

Sadly I had drawn the same conclusion.

SallyUK

My son will be 22 in October. He was diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 7.

He's just completed a course at uni (Aberystwyth), which is a 5 hr round trip from where we live, and I can't tell you how proud I am of him. He's always shy with strangers and in social environments, however he loved uni, he made lots of friends and got a 2.2 in Geography. It was the making of him.

Now he's back home and he's become so depressed. He has no friends who live near us. He has no money. He applied for a job in a call centre last week, which was perfect for him as he doesn't have any commitments, he could work any hour, any day and the location was perfect.

He had to have his application passed firstly, then pass a telephone interview (he doesn't normally do phones!), then attend an assessment centre for 3.5 hours. He even went out with them all afterwards to the pub!

5 days later, he received an email to say that they weren't taking his application any further.

He asked them for feedback and their reply was, that when they asked him about being a team player, they thought he would have expanded his answers more, judging by what he had written on his CV. And that was it, nothing else!

He then seen the job advertised again, this time in a different location, but still within travelling distance, same company, and applied again. This time, he didn't even get passed the application form. It was then advertised again (twice) for the original location and he applied again and again he was rejected.

He's so depressed. I don't know what to do to help him, although I want to - desperately.

I doubt if he mentioned on his application form that he had Aspergers, and that was probably why his answers to some questions were too short. He never ever talks about his Aspergers and I doubt if his uni friends ever knew either!

I know that if only someone would give him the chance of work, he'd be happy and have confidence again, just knowing that someone wanted him.

Sorry to rant on, just wanted to tell my story.

Sal
x

Savvy_Sue

To be fair, very few graduates walk into the first job they apply for post-Uni.

Does he want to work near home, or would he rather be back in Aberystwyth? A lot of graduates never escape where they studied.

Is he signed up to alerts from the Uni careers service? And he should be able to link in with the local Uni careers service if there's somewhere nearer.

Also remember that August is a dire time for advertising jobs: there will be a fresh burst in September, maybe more congenial than call centre work.

And it may be worth talking to him about disclosing his ASD on applications: it's not an excuse for anything, it's an explanation of why he'd be a good worker (focused, not easily distracted maybe) and why he may not always react as expected.

SallyUK

Hello Savvy_Sue

Thanks for replying.

I did tell him that, and that he did really well to have such a good first interview, but you know what they're like, they take it far too personally, don't they.

He would give anything to be back in Aberystwyth. He wanted to carry on and do a Masters, but there was just no way we could afford it. I think he wanted to be back there, not just because he wants to continue studying but because he still has friends there who are just starting their final year, but I told him they wouldn't be there for ever, as they'd be in the same position as him, this time next year.

Im not sure if he's signed up to the careers service?

I did tell him that, hopefully, there will be a few vacancies come September, when the students return to uni.

Sal
xx

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

To be fair, very few graduates walk into the first job they apply for post-Uni.

Does he want to work near home, or would he rather be back in Aberystwyth? A lot of graduates never escape where they studied.

Is he signed up to alerts from the Uni careers service? And he should be able to link in with the local Uni careers service if there's somewhere nearer.

Also remember that August is a dire time for advertising jobs: there will be a fresh burst in September, maybe more congenial than call centre work.

And it may be worth talking to him about disclosing his ASD on applications: it's not an excuse for anything, it's an explanation of why he'd be a good worker (focused, not easily distracted maybe) and why he may not always react as expected.

Indie_Kid

I was told that if I do disclose my disabilities, (not just talking about ASD here) to turn it into a positive when applying for jobs.

SallyUK

I keep trying to tell my son that Indie Kid.

He was in a really bad place on Thursday but seems to have picked up a wee bit now.

Sal
x

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I was told that if I do disclose my disabilities, (not just talking about ASD here) to turn it into a positive when applying for jobs.

seven-day-weekend

Not been on this shiny new thread, so will say that for those who don't know, my son(34) and his girlfriend (27) both have AS. Hers is diagnosed, his is not, formally (however, especially when he was younger he ticks nearly all the boxes on the test and someone who works with AS people said he fitted the pattern). He is not as far along the spectrum as his girlfriend.

Right that's the history. I have some good news!

My son's girlfriend (I will refer to her as J) is going to University! She starts tomorrow. She did try when she was 18, but couldn't cope with the social aspects of it and was bullied, so dropped out after a term. This time she is going to the one in our home city, she can come home to our son (B) every night, she is much more mature and understanding of her condition than she was then and altogether will manage better.

She will also be getting MUCH more support than she did last time. She has already had her induction (a special one for students with specific learning difficulties, like AS and dyslexia) and knows where to go if she needs help. Her student bus pass costs less than the one she has been buying to go to work and the shuttle bus between campuses is free.

She is going to do drama. She is very good at acting so hopefully she will be just as motivated for other aspects of the course.

I've told her the same as I tell my son : if she's not sure what she has to do, or does not understand in any way, keep asking until she IS sure.

I've also told her it doesn't matter if she doesn't join in with studenty things (this was the big problem she had last time), she's a mature student running her own household with her long-term partner and she can just opt out if she wishes.

She's also on the 'Bank' with her old job so can still earn a bit of money.

I'm SO proud of her, she has come a long way from the shy, anxious and bewildered unemployed teenager I met eight years ago when B first started going out with her.

Wish her well for tomorrow and I'll keep you all posted.