ASD / Aspergers Support Thread Part II

Indie_Kid

Bit of advice please:
I attend a local music group and we tend to do gigs. Now, most of the time I can't get there because I lvie quite far away and I don't drive and can't always get a lift. I am finding now that sometimes, I am needing to make excuses. There's a few people there having a joint birthday party and we have to put our names down to say we're coming, which I won't be. And there are only so many excuses I can make...

Does anyone else have that friend who is quite a bit older who they think might be an Aspie? Either that, or as his wife once said, he's just crazy.

Savvy_Sue

Not an Aspie but have them in the family ...

"I'm sorry, I can't come / get there."

"I'm sorry, I don't want to come."

"I'm sorry, that's just not my kind of thing."

Note that you're sorry to disappoint them by NOT being there, not sorry not to be there.

Indie_Kid

Thanks for that. I have been asked if I want to do a race on that day too...

I had to laugh last night:
I was talking to a friend of mine and he said that there's a festival he goes to each year in France and his band sometimes play there. He then said that many who go end up playing around the campsite. He then said "even if you're rubbish.". I actually thought he was talking about me. I the replied with "er, thanks!" He then had to explain that he meant "you" in the general sense.

oops!

meritaten

my grandson and granddaughter are Aspies and I do love their brutal honesty!
GS is 16 now and was in constant trouble in his first school - mainly because the teachers thought him rude - when he was just being honest.
he was particularly bad when the used 'Teacherisms' with him - I will give you some examples...............
T - Do you think I am stupid, boy?
GS - Yes

T - Don't be smart with me
GS - who should I be smart with?

T - Are you listening to a word I say?
GS - No, because you are saying too many, and I got bored.

T - Why wont you do any work in my French class?
GS - Because I have no intention of going to France. its a stupid language and I hate the French.

I think he is priceless! and luckily at the school he transferred to - they have a better understanding of him and he was fine there!

Indie_Kid

I have been told off by my dad for things I've said too. The dog wouldn't stop sniffing him. I then suggested he (the dog) was checking if he'd showered.

And then there's agreeing when I really shouldn't do. Dad had dropped mum and I off into town. He wanted some trainers and I wanted an iPad and we'd gone into Primark after. Mum then said "sorry if I'm boring you" and I agreed with her.

meritaten

LMAO - its difficult isn't it Indie?
damned if you do and damned if you don't!
my Granddaughter and I were discussing 'chav dogs' the other weekend, and I said 'huskies are the new chav dog here' and she replied 'Well, you DO live in a really chav place'! realised she had said something insulting (because I was laughing), and tried to backtrack only she made it worse ...........'its just you get a lot of chavvy people here, I mean people on benefits, they swear, wear awful clothes and got chavvy cars, but that doesn't mean they are chavs, they just look like them...............' by then I was nearly wetting myself laughing! she was right the first time, and the more she was trying to extricate herself - the worse it was getting!

meritaten

my youngest son has just been diagnosed with Aspergers at the age of 30! I used to pester the doctors, because I KNEW something wasn't right. he also felt that he was 'different'. with no result. I was dismissed as a 'bad parent'.
he also has physical problems and due to those and losing his job, and suffering depression, was referred to a Psychiatrist. after a year the team decided to refer him to a specialist Psychiatrist in ASDs. she had no hesitation in diagnosing him with Aspergers there and then. but, it took over two years to get the appointment and he had to complain formally to the health authority.
sometimes GPs have no clue about WHO to refer you to. you can often find the appropriate Psychiatrist for your area on google. they usually specialise in Adult ASD disorders.

[Deleted User]

I have an 18 year old with aspergers and I suspect an 8 year old with a milder (in some ways) form of ASD. With my older one, for me, you can't mistake he has aspergers. He will only look at people he knows when talking, otherwise its a conversation with a wall, he gets over stimulated with noise and lights (headache time), I think I have covered every base with an explanation on what to do.., and he absolutely always finds something I haven't even thought of to get confused about (mean this as a funny, because it does make me laugh, we laugh about it together). he was the typical 'clumsy' child, if there was anything to fall, drop, slip on or break, he'd do it, poor lad. He got banned from a play scheme for making inappropriate sexual actions at the age of 10 (although they had got my number and did know he had social skills problems). He can barely write, uses a keyboard, and is totally obsessed with games. He often can't tell the difference between what has really happened and what has happened in his head.., the lines between imagination and reality seem somewhat blurred. This can lead to him being called a liar and its awful seeing that lost look come into his face as he tries to check out his internal memory. Makes my heart bleed for him. Also makes it difficult to sort out what actually happened when he's upset by something.

My 8 year old is totally different.., seemingly sociable but can't get consequences at all, obsessed with dinosaurs (he knows more about them than all his teachers put together), he gets over stimulated and behaves 'badly' but his teachers don't seem to make the connection (i.e. it happens when he's been asked to do something he can't cope with). And then there are other ways he's more affected than my older son, he can't get repeated patterns in things at all, like school work (maths) and somehow no one but me seems to see that.

Both have problems sleeping in spite of reward charts, taking stuff away etc. My younger son is presently sleeping on a foam mattress over his normal mattress because he finds the softness comfortable. He's always had a thing for softness. I've had to take him off school dinners because he kept coming home hungry because there was so much he just wouldn't eat (had the same problem with my older son).

Both kids are completely literal, so I have to be very careful how I phrase things. Some of the things my older son come out with are priceless although unfortunately I can't remember any examples right now.

My younger son goes through periods where he has 'soiling' accidents. I have only just learned that this can happen with kids who have ASD. I thought it was down to stress, but often can't find a stressor (although that doesn't mean there isn't one.

Oh and I now have my younger son's school deciding that he's just a slow learner (with writing) so I can't wait for him to be assessed to find out what the 'experts' think.., finally. Been waiting 6 months now for this dratted appointment. Been asking for an assessment since he was 5. If its any consolation, my GP didn't know where to refer him to even at this age.

DFlights

Oh goodness, the noise thing is really ringing bells - pardon the pun! - with me! I hate, hate, hate noise, or being unable to control my immediate environment.

At my new job, which in all other respects is great, we have a radio on in our room. It took me quite a while to get used to it, and certain stations really wind me up but thankfully, it's on a station I can cope with. However, the walls are thin and the room next door gets little to no radio reception, so the staff play their own cds - loudly! Even when they turn the volume down a bit, the fact that I can still hear two different songs/styles of music at the same time, really stresses me out, yet no-one else seems bothered by it. The manager knows that it is a stress factor for me, yet really doesn't understand.

It's not just volume, either - certain pitches, and possibly frequencies, are really uncomfortable, even painful, for my ears. Yet again, others don't have problems. Earplugs, of any sort, are useless.

Last week at work, it got to the point where I was crying, fighting down a panic attack (very quietly, in a corner, while still trying to get on with my work and hiding my face from everyone else so they couldn't see me, because talking to me in that state sets me off, too!), and wanting simultaneously to bang my head against something hard. Yet I really don't think anyone at work would understand, and I struggle to explain these things anyway, except in writing on a forum full of strangers!

II also find it hard to look into someone's eyes when talking to them, leading to accusations (not recently) of rudeness, plus I also don't really care about people I don't know and find it hard to empathise.

I'm 39 now, I really don't know how much longer I can struggle on and don't think my GP is going to be any help at all, as every time I have been to him with problems, he's given me some forms to fill in and told me that they only do self-referral now, and I've had the forms for something else (another problem - long story) for months and still haven't filled them in. Maybe because I don't feel comfortable having to put down all this on paper, where anyone could possibly see it, and also because I'd rather be told what/where to go/do than try to sort out referrals for myself.

I don't really know what to do now.

Brenny

DFlights

My dgd has aspergers and can have issues with noise.

What struck me with your post is that you seem to feel that a diagnosis could help you with your job. To be honest nothing much will change with a diagnosis, especially if you are able to work, apart from your own understanding. But I would approach your work and tell them that you have aspergers and these difficulties and ask them if they can make any adjustments to help you.

The fact you haven't got a formal diagnosis doesn't mean you cant ask for help.

I have got a couple of people in my team at work who are probably on spectrum. There is no diagnosis but I try and help them where there are issues.