The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Clevernamehere

Hugs, Vodka. I hope it helps to get it off your chest.
We've been trying for 2.5 years without a sniff of a BFP. I can't imagine how I would feel to lose a pregnancy at this stage. You ladies that have gone through that are so strong. You have my respect.

vodkashot

Thank you for your thoughts and wishes, it really helped to get everything out there and share it with people who understand. I think that's half the problem, none of my friends really have any idea about this stuff.

I hope everyone gets their happy ending, we all deserve it so much.

picklekin

Sorry to hear about your MC Vodka. *much hugs* All our situations are a bit different, but the people here are the closest you'll come to knowing how you feel. And they are all lovely

picklekin

Scratch booked for the 27th

vodkashot

Just to update you all, pretty sure my AF arrived last night. Too heavy to be implantation bleeding. Have blood test at the end of the week but I know it'll be negative. Time to take stock and think about what's next ��

pinkteapot

I'm so sorry, vodkashot. Give yourself time. Start to think about what to do next if you want or need to, but don't act on any decisions - if your clinic want to know, tell them you'll think about it. Give yourself a couple of months to let you brain get unfogged from all the drugs in you at the moment before you commit to anything. Give yourself time to mourn what's happened this cycle if your feeling about it is right. x

tea_lover

Big hugs VS. Really hope things work out ok and this is just a random bleed and the end of the week brings better news. Thinking of you xx.

pinkteapot

AFM, in DR hell.

Have been DR-ing for three weeks now and this week the symptoms have stepped up a gear. I feel exhausted all the time. Went to bed at 8.30 last night and slept till 7am! Feeling really down as well - scarily down. I went through a period of depression during my A-levels and I told the consultant I was really scared of feeling that way again. The thoughts and feelings now are similar and I hate it. My brain doesn't feel like my own. Even though I know it's the drugs and I know it'll go away once treatment's over, I feel so low and hopeless.

Last night DH said we're not doing any more IVF cycles (this is our first) as he can't stand seeing me like this. I know he meant well but I felt like a complete failure for not being able to cope with it - everyone else does, often multiple times. I said we can't make any decisions mid-cycle when our heads aren't clear. Am wondering whether to ask if short protocol could possibly work for us if we need another cycle. I'm not sure I can take another cycle this long.

Baseline scan is Friday - desperately hoping I can start stimming and the feeling of being down lessens on the Gonal-F??

codemonkey

hugs vs. This process is so difficult.

The more I think about it, more I realise it's all entirely random. I used to think if I just did this or that or was a nicer person or took all the right supplements and so on, I'd get my baby but it didn't work and then I'd see people who got pregnant from a one night stand or people who take drugs with babies or people who abused and hurt their children and I realised that it doesn't matter how good you are or if you've done everything right, it's all just down to chance. That being said, having another shot will improve the odds. You need to take some time with your OH to grieve this cycle (if it really is over) and think about whether you're willing and able to go through it all again.

tea_lover

PTP, this is just my experience (nothing medical lol) but I felt a LOT better once stimms kicked in. The first time I DR'd (cancelled cycle) then the next two were SP but with a weird week before stimms proper. That makes no sense but basically, I know how you feel!

Please don't ever feel like a failure. It's hard! Those drugs are strong and your hormones and emotions are all over the place. Don't feel like everyone else is coping well and it's just you that's struggling as it's really not sweetheart... I'm pretty sure most people find it a bit of a nightmare.

I clearly remember posting one night on here in absolute floods of tears as I'd gone out, had an argument with OH then stormed home to bed. I can remember how hopeless and rubbish I felt.

It really did improve once I got onto cetrotide. I think partly the hormone change, and partly (for me) the feeling of getting towards the business end and there being an end in sight.

My OH definitely said we weren't doing it again (we did, lol!) He also said that when I was on clomid as I was v down on that too.

So another massive ramble from me (sorry! ) Be kind to yourself - if you need to go to bed as soon as you get in from work do it, if you need some time off do that. Maybe treat yourself (v sad but new pj's, a bath and an early night always cheers me up).

We're always here for you to cheer you on - whether you need a rant, a cry, a hug. It will pass.... it doesn't feel like it now, but it will pass. xx