Is everything always 50/50?

Mojisola

9teen80 wrote: »

I just feel I can't go on with it, it's almost emotional bullying.

As for are we as intelligent, funny as one another, he regularly tells me how intelligent he is and how he is far more intelligent than me. :rotfl::rotfl: And you can listen to that with a straight-face?

As for kindness, in my opinion there is no contest. I am surrounded my relationships I have nurtured my whole life, friends and family. He is not close to any of his family and friends seem very transient.

It's very sad but I think you would be better off going your way and looking for man more suited to you and your family's way of thinking.

Would you really want children to grow up in a household with this man as their role model?

Emkayoli

I would be keeping the flat too.

Almost every aspect of our relationship is 50/50 except income. We work on foundations of mutual love and respect but whatever we bring into the relationship financially is irrelevant it is 'ours' we work in completely different industries with different career goals.

I would really think and have a talk with him about why this is such a big deal in his mind and see whether it is something you can move on from together.

lostinrates

Op, shortly after I met my husband I became Ill. Some times I have managed to work, mostly not.


Not once, not ONCE, has my husband ever raised this issue. In fact, he changed his career, his plans, his goals in order to offer me security and protection.

Lots of relationships are not a fifty /fifty finacial split. Dare I even say, most are not as it stands, with unbalance take up of existing rights, and a social default of mothers being primary carers, and even in single sex relationships one often being more financially successful.



Lives aren't simply about what you accrue, what money you make. Relationships aren't about 'yours' and 'mine'. These things should be discussed really before you marry or get too involved so you can see how compatible your views are.


I'd consider a couple of things at this point. I'd consider what attracted you to your husband in the first place. There must be something that made you over look what you are raising now as quite large perceived flaws in character and discrepancies in financial outlook. Are those draws still there? Are they enough to see you through some period of counselling with him and perhaps a compromise in financial outlook for you both. For example, would you consider investing your money in some way not in the house to your benefit?

hgotsparkle

Me and OH are currently renting, the rent and bills we split 50/50 and he always pays a bit extra for food shopping and pays whenever we go out for a meal etc as he earns more than me.We're currently saving for a deposit on a house and he will be saving more than me but hes made it very clear that the house will be in both our names.

Padstow

Mojisola wrote: »

It's very sad but I think you would be better off going your way and looking for man more suited to you and your family's way of thinking.

Would you really want children to grow up in a household with this man as their role model?

From OP's last posting, he doesn't sound very nice, so the 50/50 thing is not his only fault.
I don't agree with the poster though who advises to hold on for a pay out. OP has a property and earns an above average salary. To do such a thing would be morally wrong and could fail legally, apart from the stress involved.
It's what gives women in divorce a bad name.
If she decides it's over, walk away with her dignity intact.

krustylouise

I don't normally comment on threads like this as 1 I don't own my property and 2 I'm not married, or divorced so can't offer much advice. However what I can say is that my ex (DD's father) said the exact same thing to me, that he was more intelligent, he would compete against me, putting me down constantly. After DD it got worse. He is emotionally abusing you. I personally think you should keep the flat, because if he is protecting himself then it wouldn't hurt for you to do the same. Good luck OP, and look after yourself x

Mojisola

Padstow wrote: »

From OP's last posting, he doesn't sound very nice, so the 50/50 thing is not his only fault.
I don't agree with the poster though who advises to hold on for a pay out. OP has a property and earns an above average salary. To do such a thing would be morally wrong and could fail legally, apart from the stress involved.
It's what gives women in divorce a bad name.
If she decides it's over, walk away with her dignity intact.

Absolutely right. After such a short marriage, the financial split should be aimed at putting them back where they were before.

A flat and a good salary is what she had before - there's no reason to expect any of his money.

Kynthia

In a marriage all contributions are valued, not just the financial ones. That's one of the biggest differences in law when it comes to married and non-married couples. So if he's got this issue with money, aside from this do you feel valued, loved and supported by him? Do you both prioritise each other's happiness? If yes then perhaps a little counselling with relate could help, but I suspect the answer is no. So are you happy?

rpc

From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.

Marital finances are always a touchy subject on here (joint account, what split, etc) but I feel very strongly that there is no mine/yours just OURS.

I don't earn my money, they aren't really my savings. It is all ours, some just happens to have my name on it. As it happens, I put far more money into the purchase of the family home (because my savings were unwrapped and my wife has a large ISA). Does that mean it is more my house than hers? Does it hell.

Sounds a bit like a child who wants everyone to know that he is King of his Castle. A partnership isn't like that.

cazziebo

Playing devil's advocate here...

Perhaps the OH is beginning to resent funding the lifestyle of the couple? He has worked hard to triple his salary and secure the family home and despite both being in employment, the OP is not contributing as much, yet seeks to enjoy the spoils.

He is encouraging the OP to fulfil her potential and this is being misinterpreted. There are plans for a family in the future which means living on one salary. Surely this is the time to make sure the future is as financially secure as possible?

The OP and her OH do have very different attitudes to money. I'm wondering how much of this conversation was carried out lucidly and how much of it was part of an argument? The jibe about the diagnostic tests sounds cruel - but what if it was in the context of "We could have used the inheritance to pay for the extension; there isn't enough because we had medical bills last year"

Two sides to every story etc

(By the way, I'm in a very similar relationship. My DH is the sensible one and I'm the one that plays Russian Roulette with the auto teller. Because of these boards, I'm very careful that we are not financially linked.)