How do I deal with my teenage son

paulineb_2

I do think working towards the australia trip might help get his bottom in gear, just an opportunity a lot of people wont get and different lifestyle, a break from all the negative stuff.

meritaten

agree that teen boys are a minefield! I had two! but, I still think he sounds depressed. mine had friends - friends they actually went outside to meet. living a life online is no life. I think I would be more concerned about this than possible future careers.
and if he could get over to Australia - perhaps he would have a different perspective on life. he isn't enjoying it here is he?

paulineb_2

meritaten wrote: »

agree that teen boys are a minefield! I had two! but, I still think he sounds depressed. mine had friends - friends they actually went outside to meet. living a life online is no life. I think I would be more concerned about this than possible future careers.
and if he could get over to Australia - perhaps he would have a different perspective on life. he isn't enjoying it here is he?

Agreed. But thinking back to how much I enjoyed being 17, I dont think I did much either. I had friends but as I said before, school wasnt the most positive experience for me. I also wasnt as motivated to study as I could have been, I didnt leave school with no qualifications, but I could have got more and better grades if I had studied more.

Its a tough age to be, you think you know it all and you dont and you can be full of angst. I know depression isnt to be taken lightly but he could be depressed, on the other hand, he could just be going through a tough spell that he'll come through like many other teens.

System

I had it sorted in my head with my kids.

When you finish school you either get a job, go to college or find somewhere else to live.

When you leave college you must either get a job or give your Dad the majority of their JSA for keeping the roof over their heads, feeding and clothing them. Or of course, find somewhere else to live.

What I couldn't stand though was the hours of doing absolutely sod all in their bedroom.

sugarplum

My daughter was similar last year and I managed to persuade her to sign up for NCS (National Citizen Service) during the summer holidays. Those 4 weeks completely changed her, she became so much more focused and confident as well as making new friends and generally having the time of her life! Here's the website, if you're interested

http://www.ncsyes.co.uk/

[Deleted User]

securityguy wrote: »

Then he'll need a numerate degree, with the real shortage being in people who can code but also have postgraduate qualifications in physics. Computer science degrees usually require A Level maths (there are a handful of exceptions, but in general those that don't wouldn't come close to equipping you for work in the games industry) and the degrees in "Game Design" and so on are quite competitive and there is some question as to how attractive the graduates are.

Given this is a discussion about someone who appears to have failed all his GCSEs and doesn't have GCSE English or Maths, graduate careers involving A Level maths seem a little unrealistic.

Expecting a 16 year old to be degree educated or graduate degree educated is a bit much!!

You can go to college and/or university at any age - it doesn't mean it has to be now.

And I do know of several people who have entered the computer games industry without either degree or graduate degree, so I don't think that's always necessary.

fletch3163

Hi there

I read first post and came straight to post so apologies to everyone. I will go back in a minute but".......

Oh My God!! I double checked the poster because that is me. My boy is exactly that age and behaving exactly that way. My worry also is about his social wellbeing. Him and his pals all hang out in cyber land, not real life.

Anyway, am going back to read the advice, etc in a state of nervous anticipation. Hope you don't have horrible posts :-)

cells

alwaysworried wrote: »

Hi everyone just looking for a bit of advice.

Sounds normal

These are his/your choices

1: Stay in college until age 18. You can fail pretty much everything and continue in college so its just a choice. It is debatable if this is good for him but if the alternative is he sits at home and does nothing maybe sitting at school doing nothing is the better option.

2: Look for a minimum wage job. At that age this is farrrrrrr harder than it sounds. Employers just don't like taking on people who have never worked before. It will likely take him a very long time to find work


But the best advice I can give to you is simply not to stress. People find their way in life in time. If you stress yourself out it will just upset you and him needlessly. Just tell him you know its hard to find work at his age but that you expect him to apply for 5 jobs a week and to not be disheartened that most of them say NO.

If you have friends/family connection that can get him into his first job that will help out a lot.

More often than not, children are the same as adults. Given the opportunity they will work and do a good job. its just that not many people or sectors are looking for inexperienced 16 years olds.

cells

Judi wrote: »

I had it sorted in my head with my kids.

When you finish school you either get a job, go to college or find somewhere else to live.

When you leave college you must either get a job or give your Dad the majority of their JSA for keeping the roof over their heads, feeding and clothing them. Or of course, find somewhere else to live.

What I couldn't stand though was the hours of doing absolutely sod all in their bedroom.

where is the love

Try this, pretend to be a 16 year old with poor grades and having never worked any other job and go apply to places and see how far you get.

Youth unemployment is over 1 million for a reason.

If you do what you say, you will just push an unready child into the real world. Their only choice will be to go begging to the council to house and feed them. With their old friends gone and no family support where do you think they will end up? If they are lucky they will be the future underclass. If not they will be in a gutter or worse


As a parent you should see it as YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to help them into their first job. Once someone gives them that opportunity most kids do as most adults do…work an honest days work for some pay

minerva_windsong

*Robin* wrote: »

Sorry AW, but you missed an opportunity to engage your son here.
If he wants to spend a summer in Australia that's a fantastic ambition! He will learn so much, gain maturity and a more independent outlook.
Assuming Aunt and Uncle are happy to host the lad, the next discussion should be:
How does Dear Son plan to raise the money for his flights?
He'll also need funds to pay his board and lodging - so Step One is that DS needs to research cost of flights, visa details, get in touch with Aunt and Uncle, and have a jolly good think about what he can do to make his dream a reality..

This. Also he would be eligible for the Working Holiday Visa once he turned 18: http://www.immi.gov.au/Visas/Pages/417.aspx I met quite a few teenagers who were out in Aus on that visa when I was backpacking last year and they loved it (plus wages are pretty decent even for things like bar work).

If he's not happy at college I think encouraging him to look for work (he could maybe start looking but stay on at college in the meantime if you're worried he'd just go back into using the Playstation if he didn't get hired straight away) and then working towards saving money for Australia and possibly getting his gym/personal trainer qualification as mentioned further up the thread is a good idea.