Getting married and not telling anyone

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

I don't completely agree with gloomendoom, but I do think the idea that you can just do exactly what you want and not consider anybody else's feelings, time, bank balances, whatever, is far too prevalent in wedding planning circles.

I've seen some of the forums/magazines etc. and the level of selfishness they promote is appalling! You see examples on here from time to time, there was one only last week called 'wedding abroad-a bit presumptuous?' And it's one of many!

Absolutely
I think the whole wedding industry is nuts and it's all about "show" and not about the commitment or the fact that the people you invite to weddings are your "guests" and not just accessories to make the photos look good and to provide presents (and don't even get me started on twee poems asking for money LOL)

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I do agree with in you regarding the fact that I guess you do to a certain extent have to consider other people's feelings. You have to weigh up if they are the kind of people who would take offence or are they the kind of laid back people who wouldn't care less.

Well that's a bit over simplistic. You can be a perfectly laid back reasonable person and still be hurt upset or offended by somebody's hurtful, upsetting or offensive actions!

duchy

I do think family who are told after often do feel hurt or excluded and don't tell the bride and groom -as it's too late by then and would not achieve anything.

My brother had two weddings - a Turkish ceremony with all the trimmings for his bride's family (she's Turkish) and then a registry office one over here afterwards with an informal reception. He told my Mum and me after the Turkish ceremony which I wasn't thrilled about but didn't see any point in making a fuss about for the reason above.

~Chameleon~

Married my second husband on the quiet. It was far less stressful than trying to keep both families happy and after all it was OUR day, not THEIRS! A couple of friends were witnesses and only our respective children attended. We told everyone about it afterwards. Some were upset but most were absolutely fine.

ViolaLass

I think anyone who gets upset about any aspect of how you choose to get married needs to back off and get over themselves. It's about you two, not anyone else.

duchy

ViolaLass wrote: »

I think anyone who gets upset about any aspect of how you choose to get married needs to back off and get over themselves. It's about you two, not anyone else.

You don't see a wedding as welcoming the new spouse to the family then ?
My favourite Bridezilla posts are the ones where people are complaining that just because parents are shelling out several thousand for the wedding they shouldn't be entitled to any input or opinions.

Beckyy

I'd do it. Just tell people after, and say you wanted it to be a quiet and special moment for the two of you to share privately. People should respect that, I know I would.

balletshoes

duchy wrote: »

You don't see a wedding as welcoming the new spouse to the family then ?

My favourite Bridezilla posts are the ones where people are complaining that just because parents are shelling out several thousand for the wedding they shouldn't be entitled to any input or opinions.

speaking for myself only - no, I don't. My marriage was about making it legal, and our commitment to each other.

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

Well that's a bit over simplistic. You can be a perfectly laid back reasonable person and still be hurt upset or offended by somebody's hurtful, upsetting or offensive actions!

Yes, I guess you could, but you should also respect the wishes of the bride and groom.

At my wedding for example, if say we hadn't invited our parents, yes they would have been upset at not being invited, but their overall view of it was that they would have just been happy that we were happy and whatever we decided they would have respected. We didn't just invite them because we felt we should, we invited them because we wanted them there, I couldn't have done it without them there personally.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yes, I guess you could, but you should also respect the wishes of the bride and groom.

At my wedding for example, if say we hadn't invited our parents, yes they would have been upset at not being invited, but their overall view of it was that they would have just been happy that we were happy and whatever we decided they would have respected. We didn't just invite them because we felt we should, we invited them because we wanted them there, I couldn't have done it without them there personally.

If you hadn't invited them, they'd have known it was because you didn't want them there, and I think that's probably a difficult and hurtful thing for most parents to come to terms with no matter how laid back they are, or how much they respect their child's right to make that decision.