Getting married and not telling anyone

silvercar

balletshoes wrote: »

having done it (the not-inviting part) I honestly wouldn't be hurt if my daughter didn't invite me to her wedding if no-one else was invited.

I would be majorly hurt. A key significant event in my child's life and they didn't tell me. I would be upset.

Georgiegirl256

Whilst I know fall outs and repercussions could happen in response to secret weddings, I would say it would be very rare tbh. IMO if the people's family and friends care anything, then -whilst they might be peeved initially- they should understand and accept their decision.

In my own personal experience (i do realise that I was lucky and it's not always the case), there was no fall out and nothing said (to my face anyhow!) to us. Everyone understood and like I previously mentioned, some even found it funny and were like "good for you!"

We told our parents as soon as we booked the wedding a month and even though all wedding things usually make me squirm, I actually enjoyed planning it and involving my parents in the build up to it too. I couldn't have just told them on the day.

I know my Mam would have preferred a bigger wedding, but that was just her trying to project her feelings on to me about how SHE thinks it should have been done. I think she was more concerned about what other people would think....it took a long time to get it through to her that it was OUR day, and small, simple weddings are a lot more common place nowadays and that there was nothing wrong in doing it that way, it was still a wedding.

balletshoes

silvercar wrote: »

I would be majorly hurt. A key significant event in my child's life and they didn't tell me. I would be upset.

I did tell them .

tesuhoha

We did this. It was my husband's idea. The family were really upset but to be honest I would have found the whole marriage thing, being the centre of attention, really embarrassing. I am not one to like a fuss. I suppose it was my mum I felt the most sorry for.

tea_lover

If we ever get married I'd love to do it like this. I can't imagine either of our families would be annoyed as they know it would be our choice. In fact my dad once said to me that he wouldn't be surprised if we told them we were married one day.

I'd really like to go to Vegas, just the two of us. Now I just have to convince OH to get married!

System

I think I'm probably lucky in that if I did ever get married I only have about 10 family members to invite

Not sure I could do it in secret though as I'd want my parents and siblings to be there with me. If I had a bigger family though I might be tempted!

puppypants

My brother and his wife did this. They went across to the Isle of Wight on his yacht from Southampton, grabbed a couple of witnesses off the street and got married. Terrific I say, no one was annoyed, upset etc, but very happy that they had both found love second time around.

Gloomendoom

MissTickle wrote: »

Hi folks, could do with some views on this, me and OH been together for a long time, lived together for years, had 2 kids, etc, but never got round to marrying, now he decides he wants to, but only on the condition that we just book and do it on the cheap and not tell anyone, just grab 2 witnesses off the street and get married in secret so to speak.

This appeals to me as I am not the type to want any fuss and would just like to go and get it done but has anyone ever done this and what were your relatives reactions when/if they found out afterwards/ were they hurt? and do you wear a wedding ring? people would notice this and ask questions.....

I have first hand experience of this as it's exactly what I did with my first marriage.

I insisted on it. My reasons were that I hate fuss and being the centre of attention. It upset a lot of people on both sides and created tensions that I suspect contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. We divorced a couple of years later.

Despite what some advise on here, a wedding is not an excuse to be selfish and unfeeling. It isn't just your day, and you shouldn't do what you want... and sod everybody else.

Parsimonia

We did this in 2008 after living together for the previous 18 years. We told our respective parents when we came back from the honeymoon (which up to that point they'd thought was just our regular annual vacation to Rome).

Both sets of parents were thrilled and happy that we'd finally got around to marrying (especially my dad, who was 82 at the time and very old fashioned - he'd always hated the fact that we were unmarried, even though obviously we were in a committed relationship). Neither set of parents was upset at not having been invited - although it may have been a different story if we'd invited one set and not the other....I think they thought it was romantic that we'd 'eloped' :rotfl:

It's so sweet that every birthday and Christmas since, both sets of parents have bought cards to 'Daughter and Son-in-Law/Son and Daughter-in-Law)' or 'To a wonderful Son-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law) ...it's as though they're really chuffed to be able to buy cards for a 'legitimate' relationship!!!

Mrs_Bones

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Maybe a pertinent thread in which to post this link to a new official survey on the future of Civil Partnerships, as one of the options is opening them to all (i.e. different sex marriages as well as same-sex).

https://dcms.eu.qualtrics.com/SE/?SID=SV_00LcIHS2sXDdOUB

Thanks for the link, I hadn't heard about the consultation. I've now filled the quick survey in. It might be an idea to put the link in the discussion forum to spread information about it.