I'm not an evil step mum please be kind!

Person_one

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

OP, I am glad you are making progress, I did the stepmum gig twice, both were hell. I am also a stepdaughter, she is a raving lunatic though

So in both situations, they were hellish and you were in the right...

Blackpool_Saver

Person_one wrote: »

So in both situations, they were hellish and you were in the right...

of course I was

FBaby

I have to say that after 14 pages, I am still a bit confused at what makes their behaviour so bad that it would have such an impact on OP.

You say that you work with teenagers/young adults, do you really see their behaviour significantly worse than the common teenager?

I can understand the unpleasantness of being at the receiving hand of a teenager that ignores you, but I don't understand how it would upset you that much. Same with the looks.

You seem to be bothered by their immaturity, the prospect as adults, that they will be cold if they go out because they don't have the right clothing, but all this should not be something for you to be concerned with. That's in a way the good thing about being a step-parent, you shouldn't have to carry the worry of their upbringing on your shoulder, especially when you only get to interact with them a few days a month.

Let them be, ignore their actions, take the good and leave the bad to their dad and hopefully, you won't be emotionally affected by their behaviour any longer.

cazziebo

I probably agree with Fbaby. I read your post and felt so much sympathy. I'm not a step mum - just a mum to two girls!

Most things you said resonated. Mine would watch dross on telly 24 hours if they got away with it. My wardrobe belonged to everyone; if they so much as spotted one of their socks on me it would be WW3! They would do/say things to try to provoke a reaction. Hugs? Forget it!

As for the draping over daddy - I've seen this a few times with children who don't live with the parent. I've felt it was inappropriate, but having seen it in a few families I think maybe it's normal for that situation.

I also worked with teenagers so thought I'd be better prepared for this than I was. Erm no - teenagers do behave differently at home!

Thankfully, they are now both in their 20s and have actually turned out quite well. It is a phase, but it does go on for years!

(Had a bit of a snigger at the clothes comments. Going out for a meal at Christmas I heard the familiar cry "I am not being seen with you dressed like THAT!" It was DD2 shouting at DD1 :rotfl:)

sussexchick

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

of course I was

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

themull1

FBaby wrote: »

And I would add their home too.


I disagree, their home is their mothers home the house that they live in most of the time, its their dads and stepmothers house.

What if the dad was married to the stepmother and it was solely her house? wouldnt be their home either!!

jellyhead

daisiegg wrote: »

Wow that is harsh! They live two hours away, that's a bit far for a day visit and even if it wasn't, why on earth shouldn't they stay with their dad? I would never dream of telling my husband his daughter couldn't stay with us!

Now whether they will want to stay in a house with a screaming baby is another matter, but it must be their choice...

They might develop a liking for endless episodes of Peppa Pig

supersaver2

jellyhead wrote: »

They might develop a liking for endless episodes of Peppa Pig

Really funny to read this tonight! My little girl loves Peppa amd tonight after she went to bed it was still on and me and my wife were sat watching it. When I went to turn it over my wife said 'let me just finish this episode before you turn it over!'

jellyhead

themull1 wrote: »

Its not really normal though is it? Maybe up to age 6, but 13?

Up to age 6, seriously?

Both of my children are cuddly. The eldest grew out of it at around age 8/9 but I don't think youngest will before he's 9. I want it to be his idea though, rather than forced upon him.

I haven't read the entire thread yet, but I wonder if the dad is on the sofa when the 16 year old sits on his knee, or on a chair where her only option is to sit on him rather than next to him? If so, perhaps he should sit on the sofa, then she can sit next to him.

FBaby

If you don't make your home welcoming and feeling like it is their home too don't expect the kids to respect it as such. Hard enough to get teenagers to respect their home let alone someone else! That's not aimed at OP just response to above post.