I'm not an evil step mum please be kind!

spamalot

I'm not jealous of them, I'm sure many wont believe me when I say that but it is true. I don't resent them, I just don't appreciate how they are behaving.

How does it work then if what you're saying is they actually look up to me and admire me, want to be like me, but their actual outward behaviour is to sit there glaring at me, not engaging with me and just basically trying to alienate me? That doesn't add up to me at all.

GobbledyGook

spamalot wrote: »

I'm not jealous of them, I'm sure many wont believe me when I say that but it is true. I don't resent them, I just don't appreciate how they are behaving.

How does it work then if what you're saying is they actually look up to me and admire me, want to be like me, but their actual outward behaviour is to sit there glaring at me, not engaging with me and just basically trying to alienate me? That doesn't add up to me at all.

You are probably the only person in their world who hasn't let them down at some point. The constant pushing is something a lot of children so to test if the love is actually there.

Dad left (I know Mum instigated the divorce, but from the eyes of a child Dad left). Mum threatens to leave forever if Dad goes on holiday.

Step mum - well step mum still gives them a gift on their pillow and lends them clothes no matter what. You sound like the one consistent in their life. There's probably a big fear that they'll lose that as well though.

Georgiegirl256

spamalot wrote: »

I'm not jealous of them, I'm sure many wont believe me when I say that but it is true. I don't resent them, I just don't appreciate how they are behaving.

How does it work then if what you're saying is they actually look up to me and admire me, want to be like me, but their actual outward behaviour is to sit there glaring at me, not engaging with me and just basically trying to alienate me? That doesn't add up to me at all.

I don't know, I've never been in that situation, but I can imagine it isn't an easy situation to be in.

None of us on here know exactly the reasoning why people do what they do I guess, without actually being there in person to see the interactions (or lack of them), we can only advise from what we learn from what you write on here.

How are they in general with other people? Are they shy or awkward in social situations etc? Maybe they really do want to interact with you but just don't know the best way to go about it, and don't try for fear of failure.

cheepskate_2

spamalot wrote: »

the youngest one draping herself over my husband to the point that it is obscene,

Haven't read all 11 pages ,but upon reading your initial post, this struck me................. Its as if you are Claiming "your husband" ...This is her father .,

As for the sexual bit you talk about, My god, How sick. This is obviously something in your head, that lets you look at her relationship as sexual........Its as if you are talking about another woman taking your husband attention, not a daughter/father relationship

cheepskate_2

cheepskate wrote: »

spamalot wrote: »

the youngest one draping herself over my husband to the point that it is obscene,

Haven't read all 11 pages ,but upon reading your initial post, this struck me................. Its as if you are Claiming "your husband" ...This is her father .,

As for the sexual bit you talk about, My god, How sick. This is obviously something in your head, that lets you look at her relationship as sexual........Its as if you are talking about another woman taking your husband attention, not a daughter/father relationship. It sound like you have a lot of anger directed at these children, and either cant see it or dont want to.

justme111

Spamalot , nice to see you calm and measured
I wanted to stress that in no way I think stepparenting is an easy thing to do , in fact I believe it us one of those few situations where even if one does everything absolutely right one may still not have an optimal outcome. They say sometimes "treat kids as your own" which is not possible because those kids are not your own ! If you with stepparenting 2 days a month find it difficult can you imagine how it must be for many men , as kids stay with mum usually a new partner has kids from previous marriage full time ..
Parenting is hard with own children , what to say about kids who's mum does not speak to their dad and who's dad sees them just 2 days in a month.

princeofpounds

My god, How sick. This is obviously something in your head,

I think people should calm down about this sort of thing. It is perfectly normal in the animal kingdom, including humans, that sexual body language and dominance, territorial, even familial body language can be closely related.

I'm not in the least bit surprised that the thought popped into the OP's head, it doesn't make them sick in any way, though it might if they were to overly-focus on the interpretation, which after 10 pages of conversation I think it's apparent they aren't.

justme111

Talking about them making your life a misery and blaming them for it just because they wear your clothes and walk your dog and not smile to you is a but rich though. Could be sorted with them having a selection of clothes at yours , the task of an adult is to sort situations , while you sound at times as if you were 12 competing with them for your husband , you saying you do not does not make it true .

spamalot

cheepskate wrote: »

spamalot wrote: »

the youngest one draping herself over my husband to the point that it is obscene,

Haven't read all 11 pages ,but upon reading your initial post, this struck me................. Its as if you are Claiming "your husband" ...This is her father .,

As for the sexual bit you talk about, My god, How sick. This is obviously something in your head, that lets you look at her relationship as sexual........Its as if you are talking about another woman taking your husband attention, not a daughter/father relationship

I think you should read the whole thread before throwing out such comments.

spamalot

justme111 wrote: »

Talking about them making your life a misery and blaming them for it just because they wear your clothes and walk your dog and not smile to you is a but rich though. Could be sorted with them having a selection of clothes at yours , the task of an adult is to sort situations , while you sound at times as if you were 12 competing with them for your husband , you saying you do not does not make it true .

I didn't say that the clothes bit made my life a misery. I said I thought it was concerning and a bit weird. I thought by giving more information some might be able to give me an insight or ideas as to why they might be behaving the way they are.

To be honest, I'm going to step out of this thread now. I can't keep on justifying every comment I make.