Toys, toys, toys and anxiety!

z.n

I think you need some help to communicate with your wife. Fundamental issues about what it means to be a family/what the kids need/ what you both need out of the relationship/balancing money and home etc need to be addressed and agreed before the children get any older. Compromises might need to be made. Was your wife bought up in a household where work was prioritised over everything else- if so then it might be very hard for her to change.

Person_one

jamiefly wrote: »

He was climbing over the stairgates at the top of the stairs which I thought more dangerous so removed them.

why am I telling you this. I don't care if you think I'm a bad parent drs weren't unduly fussed.

They might well be if it happens again.

jamiefly

z.n wrote: »

I think you need some help to communicate with your wife. Fundamental issues about what it means to be a family/what the kids need/ what you both need out of the relationship/balancing money and home etc need to be addressed and agreed before the children get any older. Compromises might need to be made. Was your wife bought up in a household where work was prioritised over everything else- if so then it might be very hard for her to change.

She comes from a very religious family (Irish) the work ethic is crushing.

rpc

jamiefly wrote: »

She has been looking for a UK based role and is about to be offered an MD role which she is going to turn down as the package is substantially less than what she is earning now.

Without knowing your lifestyle or how the packages compare, I would question what value she places on a relationship with her children. I have seen something of the lifestyle she may have and it can be hard to see out from within it.

It sounds like your kids see less of her than a forces child would!

Amazon prime doesn't deliver meaningful relationships. Absent parents of either gender are not good for the child.

Perhaps if she came back to the UK, you could work and make up some of the shortfall?

sulkisu

jamiefly wrote: »

He was climbing over the stairgates at the top of the stairs which I thought more dangerous so removed them.

why am I telling you this. I don't care if you think I'm a bad parent drs weren't unduly fussed.

Actuall, I don't think that you are a bad parent.


I have three boys, the oldest has just turned three and he is currently sporting an egg sized lump on the side of his head - climbing onto (and falling off) a table while I changed a nappy. It happens. None of us are claiming to be perfect parents and if you read the thread again, you will see that most if not all of the posts agreed with your initial point (about the ton of toys being a problem).


However in your opening post, you blamed the accident on the fact that they have too many toys, and that is what we disagreed with.

jamiefly

Person_one wrote: »

They might well be if it happens again.

Point taken can people please stop b1tching. I'm a better parent than a lot of the people out there. Accidents do happen part of my streamlining exercise is about accident reduction.

*Louise*

jamiefly wrote: »

where in my text have I blamed my wife for the fall. Stop trolling.

jamiefly wrote: »

It's dangerous too, last year my boy broke his collar bone falling diwn the stairs as there's so much carp.

Your first post did sound like you were blaming the toys which your wife sends for the accident.....


Accidents do happen, that's life, but not fair to blame someone or something else for that one.

FBaby

I really don't mean to sound patronising but I fail to understand the seriousness of the situation (as can easily be resolved) not why toy seem to feel so helpless dealing with it. If your wife won't listen hide the new toys and say you won't hand them over until she goes 1 month (or whatever you deem reasonable). The tidy up and reorganised the others. Sweet rules about them being played with in one or two rooms only and all tidying up before next activity allowing enough time for the task. You are in control of the household 3 weeks out of 4 surely you can do what you want during that time?

poet123

jamiefly wrote: »

Try doing that with two young children trying to be in two places. My son carried a toy upstairs (one of those tubes they crawl through) and tumbled down stairs in it while I was on poo duties with my daughter in the bathroom.

Sorry, but if you have two children to look after you have to make sure they are both safe. Stair gates should have been in use.

Caroline_a

I'm seeing a single parent here who isn't coping overly well - or in his opinion he isnt. It's tough being a single parent, and I happen to believe that being a male single person is harder because there are very few networks to help out - (eg if my kids drove me mad when they were little I would go round to a friend with kids for a coffee and a moan.

So what is there to be done? Firstly you need to decide if this marriage/family dynamic is working for you. Then if you are going to keep it as it is you need to sit your wife down and talk. Firmly. Tell her what is happening in no uncertain terms and point out the detrimental effect it will have on your children. It sounds to me as if she should never have had them as her job and career are obviously her priority.

Then I would also point out to her that if she cannot amend her ways that it may eventually lead to the break up of the marriage.... and no doubt you would get full custody of the children.